Category Archives: motivation

Running in multiple directions? Try a family meeting

Fair Play, habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation

If you’re tired of keeping track of where your family needs to be every day, try a family meeting!

Remember, it’s not all on you to keep things running smoothly.

Holding regular family meetings keeps everyone on the same page. There are so many things you can talk about.

  • Weekly activities (sports, volunteer activities, etc.)
  • Upcoming events (travel plans, holidays, birthdays)
  • Household tasks (and who does what, when!)
  • What’s going well / what’s not going well within the family

Each week, have a different family member run the meeting and take notes. Use a stuffed animal or a specific item to indicate whose turn it is to talk.

After a few weeks, your household just might start feeling a little more in control!

These meetings don’t have to last long. In our house, we hold them over dinner, often on Sunday evenings. And my kids’ attention span lasts maybe 10 minutes, if we’re lucky.

You could hold them every Friday afternoon and then have a game night or pizza/movie night. Do what works best for you and your family!

They key is to talk, together, about what it takes to run a family!

If you want to learn more about using family meetings in your house, schedule a Get On Track call with me! We can talk about how to get started. Or, learn how to work with me!

Is the Daily Grind Wearing You Down? You’re Not Alone!

Fair Play, habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation

The daily grind of running a household is exhausting!

This is especially true when there’s so much coming at us and we’re worried about our kids’ future and the state of this country.

There are so many days when I move from one task to another. And then repeat.

Dishes. 🍽️

Work tasks. 👩‍💻

daily grind

Laundry. 🧺

Remind the kids to bathe. Argue with the kids because they don’t want to bathe. 🛀

More dishes. 🍽️

Work meetings. 👩‍💻

Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. 🥨

But it’s not all on me.

​And no magic mom hack is going to fix it. We can’t do it all by ourselves. We need to share the load with others in our household.

​My husband walks one kid to school every morning. 🚸

He cooks most of our dinners. 🥙

He does plenty of dishes. 🍽️

If you’re tired of doing it all, sign up for my Share The Load calls. 🗓️ 📞

You do not need to be the only one in charge of the daily grind!

Remember, it’s not all on you!

Tired of arguing with your husband about the dishes?

Fair Play, mindset shift, motivation

It’s time to stop playing Dishwasher Tetris and arguing with your husband.

I have a friend who constantly argued with his wife about loading the dishwasher. She consistently reloaded it after he had filled it. 

He said he was going to stop loading the dishwasher if she kept redoing what he did. 

Why should he spend the effort if someone was going to redo it?

arguing with your husband

Yes, it’s hard when you prefer something to be done a certain way. It might mean that you won’t let others clean the kitchen because you prefer it done in a specific manner. 

But what is that doing to your mental and physical health? 

And what happens if it’s done differently? If it’s done and you get a break from it, I’d call that a win! 

Yes, releasing that control is hard. I get it. 

It’s also totally worth finding a way, even just a little, to relinquish some of that control. 

How amazing would it be to sit on your back porch with a glass of wine or cup of tea while someone else cleans the kitchen? 

Or maybe you’re helping your son do his homework while your partner helps your daughter make her lunch. And you trust that your husband and daughter know what they’re doing!

And you’re not the one reminding everyone what needs to happen! 

Imagine how that would feel! 

Society has conditioned women since we were young that we need to be in charge of everything and that how things are done is important.

So, let’s change that with a conversation about the Minimum Standard of Care (MSC).

This conversation creates agreed-upon values about a task and is a great way to discuss what a completed task looks like. It is not the person with higher standards getting their way or someone demanding a person lower their standards.

It’s finding common ground that you both agree upon. If you cannot agree to the Minimum Standard of Care (MSC), ask yourselves:

  1. Would a reasonable person (in this case, your partner, spouse, babysitter, caregivers, parents, and in-laws) under similar circumstances do as I’ve done?
  2. What is the community standard, and do we want to adopt this standard within our own home?
  3. What’s the harm in doing, or not doing, it this way?
  4. What is our “why”? 

You might both need to give a little to meet at a place where you both agree. 

Remember, your end goal here is to have less on your plate. To share the mental load with your partner. 

I’m here to help you have this conversation with your husband. Sign up for a Share The Load call today! Your future self will thank you. 

Or, if you’re ready to start working with me, let’s see which of my programs is the best fit!

2 reasons why you might feel guilty asking your partner to do more at home

Fair Play, mindset shift, motivation

Let’s look at why you might feel guilty asking your partner to do more household and child care tasks!

Do you ever feel guilty when talking with your partner about sharing the household and childcare tasks?

Maybe you want something off your plate but feel guilty for asking him to take over.

You are tired of doing everything yet feel like you should be doing everything. You wonder why others seem to have their act together while you don’t.

I’m here to tell you that this isn’t guilt. This is societal conditioning telling you that, as a mom, you are responsible for everything at home.

feel guilty asking your partner

But it’s not all on you. And you are not a failure. Society is failing you.

Our society is set up for an “ideal worker”—where one person (usually the husband) works to support the household, and another person (usually the wife) does everything else.

But that’s not how life works anymore. In most households, both parents work. And even if one person is home full-time, that doesn’t mean that person takes on everything.

Another part of this might be how we frame guilt.

I love how Dr. Becky from Good Inside talks about guilt:

✔️ Guilt = When we act in a way that doesn’t align with our values.
❌ “Not Guilt” = When we take on someone else’s discomfort or disappointment.

I’m guessing a lot of what you feel is “Not Guilt.”

Your husband is used to the status quo. And now you’re asking him to step up more at home.

💭 Maybe he’s not happy about it.
💭 Maybe he wants to help but isn’t sure how.

Whatever he is feeling, you are not responsible for those feelings.

✅ Yes, you can communicate in a way that feels good for both of you.
✅ Yes, you can support him in stepping up at home, in a way that makes sense for your family.

But you are NOT responsible for his feelings.

This is where good boundaries come in.

I work on boundaries with my clients.

If you’re ready to stop feeling guilty about asking your husband to do more at home, let’s talk.

Sign up for my Share The Load calls today!

Ever feel like it’s easier to do everything yourself?

Fair Play, mindset shift, motivation, routines, time management

Do you hesitate to talk with your husband about redistributing household tasks, feeling like it won’t change anything? It’s easier to do everything yourself.

You’ll still have to remind him to take out the trash or make the kids’ lunches.

It’s easier to keep doing it all yourself, even though you’re exhausted and resentful.

Or, maybe you have talked about it, and things changed for a few weeks but then fell back into the old routine. You were still doing all the invisible work of remembering when it was time to take out the trash, empty the dishwasher, or wash the towels.

You’re not alone in feeling this way. Change is hard, and the status quo has worked for your partner for a long time.

And it’s frustrating to feel like nothing is going to change.

Or that changing things is just one more thing for you to take on.

But if your husband can hold a job, he can take out the trash without reminders.

Yes, this is a process, and sometimes he’ll forget.

This is where a regular check-in helps.

Making sure you’re on the same page as you create new routines and habits is important. Talking through what’s working and what’s not.

It can be a quick check-in over coffee every morning before shuffling the kids to school.

Or weekly dinner dates where you have a long list of things to cover.

Or somewhere in between!

Check-ins are a big part of communicating with your partner, and it’s something we cover in my Share the Load calls.

When to have them, what to talk about, and what NOT to do between check-ins.

It might feel like it’s easier to do everything yourself. But I promise it’s not!

If you’re feeling like nothing is going to change with your partner and are hesitant to have this conversation, let’s talk.

Want to talk with your husband about sharing the load?

Fair Play, mindset shift, motivation

Let’s talk about sharing the load with your husband. Because you’re already communicating about it, let’s do it right!

Me: I know you don’t mean this. But when the dishwasher needs to be emptied and dirty dishes sit on the counter all day, I feel like you’re waiting for me to deal with it.

Husband: No. I’m not thinking about dishes at all. I know one of us will deal with them closer to dinner time. I’m not expecting you to deal with it.

Me: That’s what I thought. It just feels like they’re talking to me. Telling me it’s my responsibility to take care of them, every time I walk through the kitchen.

I used to be resentful about the dishes. I felt like my husband expected me to deal with them. 

I’d walk into the kitchen and see the mess and I felt like the dishes were calling to me. 

Because my job was more flexible, I should have done more household tasks, including cleaning the dishwasher. 

sharing the load

Eventually, I talked with my husband about it. I told him that I felt like the dishes were my responsibility and that I was becoming resentful of having to keep up with them.

He told me he didn’t expect me to do them. He figured one of us would eventually get to them, and he wasn’t really thinking about them at all. 

Yet the problem with expecting someone to eventually get to them doesn’t solve the problem. There’s no clarity and I would still feel responsible. 

So we came up with a plan. Sunday to Saturday, one of us would be in charge of emptying and loading the dishwasher and hand-washing items to be hand-washed. The person also ensured the kitchen was clean enough at night that whoever made breakfast didn’t have to clean the kitchen first. 

Then, we checked in with each other every few weeks to see how it was going. Over time we’ve added on other tasks, like emptying the trash and recycling. 

Maybe this sharing the load sounds like a pipe dream to you. Every time you bring up sharing household tasks, your husband gets defensive.

He shuts down. He claims he’s already doing more than his dad did, so why isn’t it ever enough? Or he is doing plenty of execution tasks but not much of the mental load behind the tasks. 

Maybe things change for a few weeks and then revert to the way it was. 

Or maybe nothing changes. 

This is incredibly frustrating and you have every right to be resentful and angry about it. 

And I want to offer a little hope – how you work together as partners can change. 

Shifting this dynamic is possible. I also have something that might help. 

Because sharing the load isn’t just a fantasy. You can make it a reality. 

Sign up today for my Share The Load calls. It’s two calls where we talk about one task you’d like to share or get off your plate. 

On the first call, we’ll talk about how to approach the conversation and clarify the completion of the task. 

The second call will include how to check in with each other and we’ll discuss any sticky points that came up after the initial conversation. 

You’re already communicating with your partner. Why not do it right? 

It’s time for you to hate the dishes, not each other.

Moms, you are not failing. Society is failing you, and we deserve better.

Fair Play, habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation

This post is me explaining why I do the work I do. Because society is failing moms, and we deserve better.

A parenting book made me cry when my now tween was 2 weeks old. I was exhausted and wondering if I’d ever sleep again. So I turned to a book on sleep for babies that someone had gifted us. According to this book, I was to start this this sleep program on day one. Here we were many days later, and I was already behind. I felt so guilty. I was so tired, I couldn’t see how wrong and unhelpful this advice was and that I hadn’t already messed her up. She would eventually learn to sleep through the night. And I would find the parenting books that did support me on my journey. 

I share this story because society loves to tell moms we’re never doing enough for our kids or ourselves. Our kids need to be in multiple enrichment programs. Keep an eye on their screen time and make sure they have plenty of playdates. They need healthy, home-cooked meals on the table every night. 

We should also be doing plenty of self-care, exercise, and working full-time at a paid job. And our houses should be clean and beautiful, as though no one actually lives there. 

Essentially, no matter what we do, it’s never enough. 

And I’m here to tell you this is all BS. This is wh#$e sup#%macy keeping us in our place. There is no magic mom hack that will make you more productive, keep your house clean, or ensure your kids grow up to be successful (however you want to define that!). You cannot buy the perfect paper planner or download the perfect app to keep you organized. 

Yes, these things can be helpful and some hacks might be useful now and then. And you need to find the parenting books that resonate with you. 

But in the long term, knowing your values, holding boundaries, and sharing the mental load with your partner will be more helpful than any magic productivity hack out there. 

There’s simply too much to do for one person to keep up with. Also, it’s not all on you. Your partner lives with you and is capable of contributing to the household. (So are your kids)

Society is failing moms

Moms have been conditioned to believe that we’re naturally better at caretaking, so we should just do all the household and childcare tasks. Yes, for some women, it might feel incredibly natural. But most of us are simply “better” at it because we’ve had more practice. Because we grew up believing this is what women do. And it feels easier to do it ourselves then to let our partners figure it out. Or have a conversation about sharing the load with them.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that success is a job title, the size of our house and the make of our car. So we feel that our kids need to be in multiple activities, starting at a young age, on the off chance that they’ll get into a “good” school. The good school, of course, leads to a “good” job so they can afford that big house and fancy car. 

This is all BS! Yes, if your kids enjoy their activities, that’s great. And do you enjoy being this busy? If yes, then keep at it! 

This is for those moms who aren’t sure if they’re happy about it but feel obligated to keep their kids busy. I recently spoke with a mom who’s kids Fall and Winter sport seasons overlapped for several weeks. Meaning the kids often had 2 practices every day after school. And they were exhausted. The only person who really wanted this was Dad. Because he was convinced it would lead to a college scholarship down the road. In all likelihood, those kids were going to be burnt out before they even got to college. 

We also buy into this for all the household tasks. Of course your standards are higher than your husbands. You are the one who will be judged for a cluttered or dirty house. For the type of birthday party you throw for your kids. For the holiday magic. That doesn’t mean we can’t fight back against this (join me!). 

So it’s easier for you do it all. Because there’s no way your husband knows how to properly load the dishwasher or what toothpaste to buy for your 5 year old. 

I’m here to tell you if your husband can keep his job, he can load the dishwasher. 

This is why I do the work I do. Because you are not failing. Society is failing you. 

I remember taking a class a few years ago that talked about wh3$te sup$#macy and the four I’s. It started as an Ideology, became baked into our Institutions. It then became a part of how we engage with each other (Interpersonal). And finally, it became Internalized and exists in all of us.  

For me, this means change starts at home. It’s digging into the societal conditioning we’ve all had, men and women. It’s changing the way we share the load with our partner. As we create equity in our household and relationships, we can start to fight for it in society. Through paid care leave, universal health care, affordable and accessible child care, better funded public education and so much more! 

But if we’re too exhausted from everything we have to do around the house (which is where society wants to keep us) than we can’t fight for bigger changes. 

And right now, our communities need us to show up. For ourselves and each other. 

If you’re still reading this, please understand that I’m not asking you to overhaul your life over night. 

I’m asking you to start evaluating what you are saying yes to in your life. Start asking if you want to be this busy or if you’re doing it because you feel that’s what good moms do. 

I question everything. Not because I want everyone else to stop doing it. But because I want us to understand why we do it. 

One way to start is by defining your values. Or identifying what you want life to feel like in this season. Then make sure that everything on your to-do list fits within those values. This can include wanting to teach your kids how to take care of a household in a non-gendered way. And it might start by learning how to communicate with your husband about sharing the load. 

As I write this, the world is literally burning and it feels like society is crumbling around us. Humanity is struggling. So how can we even be talking about who is going to empty the dishwasher and take out the trash. (I know, I haven’t even mentioned these tasks yet, but they’re part of this conversation). Everyone has to eat and someone should probably see if there’s laundry sitting in the washer. 

It’s hard to focus on such mundane and monotonous tasks when everything feels heavy. It seems too big for one person to fix, so let’s start small. 

I look at the work I do, helping couples implement the Fair Play Method, as my part. I’m pulling at a thread of this big mess we need to dismantle. As we all pull at our own threads, we can begin to think of ways to rebuild. Ways to create a new society that supports everyone, not just rich, white men. 

And that starts with equity in the household. If you’re ready to learn more, schedule a call with me – let’s get started. The world is waiting.

P.S. I know this is rambly and maybe doesn’t make sense. I’m sure I got parts of it wrong or didn’t define something clearly. But if you’ve read this far, something must have resonated with you. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Parenting Double Standards: Who’s Naturally Better At Taking Care of the Kids?

mindset shift, motivation

Let’s talk about parenting double standards.

Picture this. You send your kids and your partner on a walk to burn off some of that endless energy kids seem to have. Everyone is putting their shoes on to head outside when you hear a meltdown start. Your daughter is crying because she can’t find the right socks.

Do you step in to help because you know which socks she needs? Or hide out in your bedroom because you know your partner can handle it? Maybe you decide you might as well scrap your plans of taking some time for yourself because you’re not sure your partner can handle the kids for a couple of hours.

parenting double standard

I’ve had all of these thoughts go through my head.

I’ve sat in the other room, listening to my husband argue with my kids, trying to get them to do something when they don’t want to. I’ve wondered if I should step in.

I’ve also let him deal with it because he’s their parent too and I know he can handle it.

When my husband or I head out for an evening with friends, the other one is fully in charge of the kids. That means if a meltdown is happening as I head out the door, I leave because my husband is also a parent and can handle it.

I’ve had friends bail on dinner because one of their kids was having a tough time going to bed.

Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. If you feel your kids need you, then give them that attention. But if you’re staying because you don’t think your partner can handle it, let’s talk about that.

There is this parenting double standard in our society. When dads do something, like take their kids to the park, we see it as this hero move. Oh, look at him, spending time with his kids. He’s such a good dad.

Yet, I could guarantee you we don’t say that about moms. When we see a mom at the park, it’s not a big deal. We’ll judge her for being on her phone or not playing with her kids.

But my husband doesn’t babysit. He’s not a hero for taking the kids to the park or sitting down to play Legos with them. He’s a dad. This is what dads do.

If this doesn’t feel true for you, let’s talk. It’s possible your partner hasn’t had the chance to learn how to do this. Maybe he grew up in a household where his mom did all of the childcare and household tasks.

But remember, you and your partner are a team.

It might feel easier if you do everything yourself, but it doesn’t set anyone up for success in the long run. It’s ok if your partner does something differently. Or takes longer. It’s one less thing you don’t need to worry about.

And there might need to be some knowledge transfer here. Maybe some time is spent talking about how to complete certain tasks. Or giving your partner space to learn what it’s like to take the kids to the park for an afternoon. In a way where they get to figure out what works for them.

Everyone benefits When you are not the only one doing everything in your house.

You are less exhausted and overwhelmed. You can get off the hamster wheel.

You will have more energy, spend more quality time with your family, and feel more relaxed.

That sounds like a win-win for everyone.

So let’s start paying attention to how we approach caretaking tasks. To who is doing what around the house. Thinking about how we got there.

And start paying attention to the parenting double standards our society has. Dads are parents. Let’s start treating them as parents.

Want to talk about changing this in your household? Let’s talk.

It’s Time to Stop Being The One in Charge of Everything

habits, motivation

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you were not the only one remembering to walk the dog, empty the dishwasher, or defrost the chicken for dinner? If you weren’t in charge of everything!?

Sound too good to be true? It is possible!

The Fair Play Method is here to help. It takes you out of being the household manager in your home. You don’t have to be the only person in charge of all the tasks.

The method is based on a book by Eve Rodsky. It’s one of my favorite tools for dealing with the invisible and mental load of motherhood. If you’re still reading these emails, you’ve probably read the book! You might even own the deck of cards!

This method sets you and your partner up for success in both parenting and managing the household.

It’s a way for you and your partner to work together as a team, without one person being the household manager.

Essentially, each person takes on full ownership of specific tasks.

It’s not one person telling everyone else what to do.

One person is in charge of making sure the trash is taken out each week. Or the dishes are dealt with each day.

Let me share an example.

My husband and I both work from home. My husband likes to cook. We have 2 kids. There are a lot of dishes. There are days we run the dishwasher twice a day.

My desk is right next to the kitchen so I spend a lot of time staring at dirty dishes.

And for a while, it felt like they were taunting me. Telling me it was my responsibility to deal with them.

My husband and I talked about who was responsible for the dishes. I felt like he was waiting for me to deal with them.

In reality, he wasn’t thinking about dishes. He knew that one of us would deal with them by the end of the day.

So we came up with a plan. Sunday through Saturday, one of us is entirely in charge of the dishes. Both loading and unloading the dishwasher and hand washing anything that needs to be hand-washed. The other person will help clean up a meal and wipe down counters when necessary. But one person is responsible for the dishwasher.

Our only rule is that by Sunday morning, all dishes from the previous week are clean.

Now, this might not work for you. You might need to trade more often.

Both partners agree on what a completed task looks like. The minimum standard of care guides this conversation.

Using Fair Play helps you move from being the default parent to sharing the load with your partner.

It helps you prioritize your to-do list, establish routines and habits, and spend more quality time with your family. And it helps you feel more relaxed and maybe even find that elusive sense of balance.

Now, maybe you’re thinking that you don’t have time for this. You just need to get these tasks done.

I promise that if you implement the Fair Play method in your house, you will have more time.

It gives you time to rediscover who you are outside of being a parent, partner, and professional.

You will no longer be the exhausted, resentful person you have been.

It starts with an invitation to talk with your partner. That’s all.

And I know that’s not easy. But I promise you it’s worth it.

This first conversation can simply be about how you’ve been feeling and that you’ve discovered a tool to change things. And talking with your partner about how open they are to try this tool.

Have you started this conversation with your partner? Start here if you’re struggling. Or schedule a call with me to talk through getting started!

How To Look at Your Time Like A Closet

Closets, habits, motivation, time management

Yes, I am asking you to look at your time like a closet.

When your closet is overflowing, it’s hard to find what you need. Some days you want to slam the door and walk away. Not getting dressed at all.

Just like a packed schedule makes it hard to focus on what’s next. Or deal with a glitch in the system like a sick kid, flat tire, or snow day.

When your closet is organized, you can find what you need.

look at your time

And when your calendar has white space, you can deal with the unexpected.

It’s hard to get excited for the day when the calendar is cluttered with tasks and activities that you don’t feel good about.

Or when your task list feels too long and the day too short.

When your calendar has white space, you can see what’s going on. And if the activities are (mostly) things you want to be doing, you’re a bit more motivated.

If the task list is (mostly) full of tasks that you know are moving you forward in your life, it’s easier to tackle them. Even if it is dealing with a pile of laundry or dishes.

When you take the time to clear items from your closet, you can find what you need and you’re excited to get dressed. Or, at least, it’s a bit easier to get dressed when you’re not being attacked by a pile of sweaters you no longer wear.

The same goes for your calendar. Life feels better when you fill your calendar with activities that you and your family enjoy.

When you are taking steps toward completing a big goal, whether for your business or personal life, you’re more motivated.

You are then able to end your days feeling a bit more at peace. Knowing you are making things happen. Not just spinning your wheels every day.

Yes, there are things like laundry, dishes, and cleaning toilets. These things just need to happen. But knowing that you are also learning Spanish so your family can spend some time in a Spanish-speaking country? Or you are practicing your public speaking skills for the next big presentation at work? Makes cleaning those toilets a little bit easier.

The next time you add something to your calendar, ask yourself if it fits.

If you feel like your calendar or to-do list is bursting at the seams, maybe we should chat! This is the work I do with my clients.

This is also one of the things I love about the Fair Play Method. One of the first conversations you have includes discussing what’s important to you and your family with your partner.

I know that this feels big and heavy. If defining your values feels like too much, maybe you start by thinking about what you want your kids’ childhood to look like. Pretend they’re heading off to college and you’re reminiscing about their childhood. What sticks out for you? What were the activities and moments you want to remember?

It likely isn’t how clean and organized your house is or how efficient you made it through your to-do list.

It’s the games and pizza night you have every Thursday. The afternoons spent at your neighborhood pool. It’s the movies and hot cocoa on snow days. Little moments that we overlook because we feel that we need to do everything on a grand, magical scale.

I know, this all feels impossible when you have piles of laundry that seem to get bigger and you don’t remember when you last cleaned out your pantry. Plus, work emails keep flooding your inbox and you feel like you’re never going to get caught up, let alone ahead.

This week, take 10 minutes to talk with your partner about what’s important to you and your family. If your kids are old enough, talk with them about this too. It doesn’t have to be a big, in-depth conversation. It can be asking everyone to define one thing that’s important to them. Or to talk about what they want the next 3-6 months to look and feel like. It’s ok to keep it simple.

You Do Not Have To Be The One Doing Everything!

Help, mindset shift, motivation, routines

Ever feel like things don’t happen in your household unless you do them or spend time reminding others to do them?

reminding others

It’s like no one takes out the trash unless you remind someone to take it out. You’re the only one putting away laundry and making sure the pantry has the right snacks.

After a while, this gets exhausting and frustrating. And it likely builds up some resentment. You don’t want to be doing everything by yourself. You’re wondering why your partner doesn’t see that you need help.

Wondering why he doesn’t see all of the hard work you put into making sure everyone has what they need. Your daughter is registered for track and she has the right shoes. Your son is registered for his hip-hop class and has a ride to and from the class.

That the toilet paper your husband likes is in the bathroom. So is his favorite toothpaste.

You probably feel like if you ran away for the week, no one would take their vitamins, buy ketchup, or remember to feed the fish.

What if I told you that others can complete household tasks without you reminding others to do something? Or doing it yourself because that feels easier.

No, it doesn’t have to be all on you. It is possible.

Without post-it notes on the bathroom mirror.

Or threatening to throw out clothes that don’t make it in the dirty clothes hamper.

It is possible to know the kitchen is clean at the end of the day. And you are not the one to come in at 9 pm and finish it up (or do it all).

The secret to creating this shift is getting you and your partner on the same team.

I hear you rolling your eyes at me. I know you are currently the household manager, making sure everything happens when it should. And you’re worried that if you change this, things will fall apart.

But what if I told you there is a way to communicate what needs to happen in a manner that gets your partner to listen? That gets you on the same team. No more reminding others in the house to take out the trash.

This isn’t where one person manages everything. This is where each person takes on specific tasks and completes them from beginning to end without reminders.

You know that tasks are being taken care of and you can stop feeling like you have 75 open tabs in your brain.

This is the magic of the Fair Play Method. It works. And it can work for you too.

It’s a way for you to start letting go of some of the mental load. In a way that gets your partner involved (and maybe even your kids!).

It is possible and there is hope.

It all starts with a conversation. I know this sounds simple and maybe too good to be true.

Start by reading the Fair Play Conversation Starter Playbook.

Get that first conversation with your partner on the calendar. Then, we can take the next steps together.

Why I Love The Fair Play Method And You Should Too

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Wondering how to deal with all that mom rage? The Fair Play Method might be your answer! Keep reading to learn more.

Mom rage is real. That anger and resentment at feeling like we are responsible for everything.​From making sure our kids have shoes that fit, and there’s shampoo and toilet paper in the bathroom to signing the kids up for summer camp on the day registration opens.​

It’s never-ending and it’s exhausting.​Maybe you want to talk with your partner about it. But you can’t find the energy or the time. So you carry on, doing everything. Because that feels easier.​ Someday you’ll get around to the conversation. Or maybe you’ll go on strike. Or run away.

​Yes, moms deserve to feel all the rage. But what if we could change it?

​When I discovered the Fair Play method, I felt like here was the answer. Fair Play is a method that gets both partners on the same team. It’s me and my husband against the dishes, not against each other.
​It’s a system that sets you and your partner up for success in your relationship and parenting! It takes the invisible and makes it visible.

​It helps you and your partner share the load of managing a house and raising kids. Tasks are strategically shared between both partners, with your shared values and mutually agreed-upon expectations as your guideposts.​No one holds any task by default. And, you don’t have to be responsible for a task indefinitely.

​I got tired of feeling like the dishes were my responsibility. I would walk into the kitchen and see a pile of dishes needing to be dealt with. We both work from home but my job is more flexible than my husband’s. So I often felt like I should do more around the house.​What that turned into is that I was spending more time cleaning the kitchen than focusing on work. And I started to feel major resentment about it.

Using the Fair Play Method, we talked about it. We decided that one person would be fully in charge of the dishes from Sunday to Saturday.​

This includes emptying and loading the dishwasher. Hand washing anything that doesn’t go in the dishwasher. And making sure the kitchen is clean enough at night that whoever is making breakfast can make breakfast without cleaning the kitchen.

Fair Play Method

​And one person couldn’t leave a mess for the next person to take over Sunday. If you were behind on dishes, you spent Sunday catching before the other person took over.​

​We checked in with each other every few weeks to see how it was going. Then, we layered on other tasks. If it’s your week for dishes, you are also responsible for dealing with the trash and recycling.​This might look different in your family. Because we’re all different. And what works in this season, might not work 6 months from now.

​Which is why regular check-ins are necessary. Start with one or 2 tasks. Talk about it. Come up with a plan. Then layer on other tasks.

​We’re not looking for a 50/50 split of tasks. It’s what works for you and your family In this season.

​And, one person is not in charge of something forever and ever. Unless that works for you! I do the laundry. I don’t mind it. My husband makes dinner most nights. I don’t like to cook and he does. We’re working on getting our kids more involved. Which is a topic for another time!

​I like this method because it gets everyone on a level playing field. You start by talking about your values. And look at the tasks and activities you do and why.

​What do birthdays look like in your family? What do holidays look like? Who is maintaining relationships with extended family and what does that look like? What ongoing activities do you want you and your family to do? Sports? Music? Volunteering?

​When you start with these conversations and build from there, you start to create a life that you don’t want to run away from. You create time to spend with your family and your partner without the ticker tape of tasks running through your head. Because you know they’re being taken care of.​

​Because you do not have to do it all.​

Want to learn more? Sign up for my private podcast or schedule a free 45-minute coaching call with me!

It’s time for you to go to bed. Yes, I’m talking to you, mom.

habits, mindset shift, motivation, routines

That’s right. Mom, you need to go to bed. No more doom scrolling. Or promising you’ll go to bed after this next episode. I want you to brush your teeth, wash your face, and go to bed. Leave your phone in the other room. Mom, it’s time for you to go to bed.

Sleep is important. If you’ve been skimping on sleep because you feel overwhelmed by everything you must do, stop it. Sleep (and taking breaks) actually helps you get more done each day.

When you’re tired, you’re not efficient.

You make mistakes.

You’re slower both physically and mentally.

So go to bed.

Also, you deserve rest, regardless of how productive you are.

Before you go to bed though, spend some time thinking about your evening routines. What can you do at night to make your mornings better? Pack lunches? Pack backpacks and work bags? Set out breakfast?

go to bed bedside

Ok. Once you’re getting some sleep, start thinking about your morning routines. Are you getting up earlier than your kids? What needs to happen in the morning to make the rest of your day easier? Run the dishwasher? Put dinner in the crockpot?

Spending some time getting your morning and evening routines working helps make the rest of your days easier!

If you want to talk through your routines, schedule a Get On Track Call with me.

A Game of Mousetrap

habits, motivation, routines

Have you ever played the game of Mousetrap? I remember sitting in my grandparent’s house, putting the game together. I don’t think we ever played the game as designed. Just put the pieces together and sent the marble through the system. My kids now do the same thing.

a game of mousetrap

There’s cause and effect. If something goes wrong, the end result is different. Consequently, when things go smoothly, you get what you want in the end (unless you’re the mouse being caught).

It builds on itself. You need the pieces to connect in a certain way for it to work.

The same can be said for systems (and routines) in our own life. Pieces need to connect in certain ways. And when something is off, things can go wrong.

What routines in your life need some work? What systems can you create?

I’ve blocked time on my calendar for my marketing tasks. I sit down every Monday morning and work my way through a checklist of tasks related to marketing. I tackle the ones I don’t want to do first because I know I won’t do them otherwise. If I don’t sit down on Monday morning with these tasks, they’re less likely to get done for the week.

If I don’t do laundry on Sunday afternoons, I have to create time for it somewhere else in my week. I prefer to do my laundry on Sunday and do my best to keep that routine. Also, I won’t wash laundry that isn’t already in the dirty laundry hampers! I refuse to walk around the house picking up dirty socks.

What do you need to put in place? What can you tweak?

Here are a few to think about.

  • Laundry
  • Meal planning
  • Family meetings
  • Processing emails (personal and work)
  • Recurring work tasks

Routines, once put in place, can take so much work out of our days. They clear up our brains for other things!

How To Add Routines To Your Family Life To Make Life Easier

motivation, routines, time management

Let’s talk about how to add routines to your family life! Sometimes a little structure is helpful!

It’s 5 pm. I’m staring at the fridge, wondering what we’re going to have for dinner. I don’t like to cook. If it’s not planned or prepped, we’re having frozen pizza.

Once we started weekly meal planning (and prepping) our weeknight dinners got easier. Veggies and potatoes were prepped and the meat was defrosted. All I needed to do was turn on the oven, toss everything in a pan, and roast it.

Sunday is laundry day. I refuse to wash clothes any other day of the week unless absolutely necessary. If you want your clothes washed, they better be in the hamper when I start. Otherwise, it will wait until next week.

Add routines to your family life

I’m working on implementing certain days of the week for certain work tasks. Something like Marketing Monday, where Monday is focused on all my marketing tasks. Maybe you have planning meetings on certain days of the week or focus on specific projects at specific times.

Do you find routines stifling or helpful?

Do you think that having routines in your life helps with your creativity? Or hurts it?

It is possible to have routines in your life and also flexibility. When your days are planned and structured down to the minute, any disruption throws things into disarray.

When you have routines and structure with space for the unexpected, everything flows smoothly.

What routines do you need in your days?

Below are a few areas to add routines to your life.

  • Laundry
  • Meal planning and prep
  • Recurring work tasks
  • Morning routines
  • Evening routines

Ask yourself the following questions related to building routines.

  • What are all the steps needed to complete this routine?
  • When does each step need to happen?
  • Who is responsible for each step?

I also recommend spending the last 30 minutes of your workday cleaning up your workspace. Check your calendar and tasks for tomorrow. Celebrate what you accomplished today. Process emails. File paperwork. Check your physical inbox, if you have one. Prepare yourself for tomorrow.

When you add routines to your family life, life gets easier! And when your brain knows that tasks are taken care of, it can solve other problems!

Want to take this further? Schedule a Get On Track call with me!

Your Worth Is More Than Your To-do List.

mindset shift, motivation, time management

That’s right, you are not your to-do list!

Our society tells moms their worth is wrapped up in how much they get done each day.

I’m here to tell you that it’s not.

Mom, your worth has nothing to do with how clean and organized your house is.

you are not your to-do list

It has nothing to do with how much you get done each day.

Your worth is not connected to the activities your kids do each week or how good they are at any of them.

It doesn’t matter if your kid’s clothes match when they leave the house (or if they brushed their hair).

I’m telling you that you are not your to-do list.

Mom, you are worthy simply because of who you are.

Check out my private podcast where I talk about this and more!

We talk about things like: 

  • Moms do too much!
  • Productivity hacks will only get you so far.
  • How to build a life you don’t want to run away from.
  • How to channel your inner toddler and ask WHY?!

Each episode is less than five minutes so you can listen to it In The School Pick-Up Line!

You can access this secret podcast and receive weekly mini-lessons to stop doing ALL THE THINGS yourself.  

Or, dive into my Stride Together Program. Tips, tricks, ideas, and community!

How To Gain Control Over Your To-Do List

mindset shift, motivation, time management

I’m sitting at my desk getting ready to gain control over my to-do list.

My to-do list for today has more than work tasks listed. I need to change the sheets, get my kids signed up for swim lessons, and schedule a dentist appointment.

One of the reasons moms are so exhausted is they’re never only focusing on work or only focusing on their kids.

You are constantly switching between tasks. And that constant switching is exhausting. Many things are rolling through your brain. (Hello, Mental load!)

You likely thought of 6 things you need to do today just while reading this!

The mental labor of keeping a household running is exhausting and overwhelming.

So, what can we do about it? How do you gain control over your to-do list?

First, start with a brain dump. Get all the tasks and ideas out of your head. Your brain was not meant to hold more than 4-5 ideas at a time. You don’t need to remember that you need toothpaste, write it down and stop thinking about it!

one to the next

This step alone is helpful. And it can be overwhelming to see all those tasks listed in front of you. You don’t have to do all those tasks today! I promise.

Documenting your tasks helps you categorize them. So you can run all your errands at once instead of going to the grocery store or Target 5 times over 2 weeks.

The other tip I have for you is time blocking. Have certain times of the week or day when you complete certain tasks. Monday mornings are blocked off for all my marketing tasks. I have a checklist of everything I need to do. I block time on my calendar so that people can’t schedule appointments with me until after 10am. This way, I can sit down and work my way through my checklist.

Same for laundry. I have certain days of the week I do laundry. I’ll do the occasional load if necessary. But if your laundry isn’t in the laundry basket when laundry is done, it isn’t getting clean!

What can you time block for yourself this week? It could be a work task or a household chore.

And if you want help in gaining control, let’s talk about it together!

Are Your Kids Too Busy For You To Make Friends?

habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.” ― Tina Fey, Bossypants

Are your kids too busy for you to get together with your friends? Read on for some ideas!

I was sitting on the playground recently, watching my kids play and listening to a group of parents talk about how hard it was to get together with their friends.

A dad was describing this long text thread of trying to get together with a friend to go rock-climbing. They live 30 minutes away from great climbing, but could not find a time when they were both free at the same time.

kids too busy

Same story for a mom trying to make plans with some girlfriends.

There were all the activities that the kids were doing. Soccer. Piano. Swim lessons. Dance. Gymnastics. Tuesdays and Thursdays were out. Saturdays too because that’s when the games are. And the multitude of birthday parties and other kid-centered activities that happen.

If there’s more than one kid, the activities likely fall on different days, so there goes most weekdays.

And I say there thinking to myself – it doesn’t have to be this hard, does it? It shouldn’t be this hard to make time to see our friends. Why do we design our lives to revolve around our children?

Society has led us to believe that we need to do everything for our children and keep them fully entertained all the time. That it’s selfish for us to do anything for ourselves.

Play dates. Sports. Music. They must be achieving and growing.

What happened to kids entertaining themselves while mom and dad sit and have a quiet cup of coffee together?

What would happen if you said no to a birthday party and instead spent some time with your family? Or hired a babysitter (or a neighbor) to watch your kid(s) while you and a friend went and took a walk or went for a cup of coffee?

What if each family member took one activity off their plate for the next few months? What would that extra time do for all of you?

You can design a life you love. Not one that’s requiring you to respond to stress with the torpor of a possum.

What would you let go of today to make more time for your friends?

Your future self will thank you!

Sign up for my private podcast to take the next step in what to do when your kids are too busy!

Decision Fatigue! Did You Know That You Make 35,000 Decisions A Day?

motivation, routines, time management

Let’s talk about decision fatigue.

Did you know that people make over 35,000 decisions a day?

This is why, when it’s time for dinner and you haven’t planned it, you have wine and M&M’s and feed your kids cereal (there’s nothing wrong with this, on occasion, by the way).

Moms already have enough on their plates. There’s no need to make life more complicated.

Having some basic routines and systems in your days and weeks helps simplify things. Remove decisions where you can.

decision fatigue

Have a menu that repeats every 2 weeks. You have chicken every Thursday. The spices and sides can change, but you know roughly what you’re eating. Every Monday is something vegetarian. Keep a list of meal ideas so you can easily plan those vegetarian meals without too much thought.

Have certain days of the week for laundry. Or, do one load a day. Figure out what laundry routine works best for you. I wash clothes on Sundays and sheets/towels on Fridays. I have a friend who does one full load (from washing to putting it away) every day. Figure out what works for you and your family and stick with it.

Have a list of things to which you will say no. This is important. Shiny objects. Clothes you don’t need. Toys your kids don’t need. Activities and commitments are just one more thing to keep track of. Figure out what’s important and say no to the rest!

The point is to take as many decisions as possible out of your day. Because 35,000 decisions a day is just too many!

Your future self will thank you!

Ready to deal with your decision fatigue? Sign up for my private podcast today!

Mothering Doesn’t Have To Be This Hard

habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation, time management

Maybe mothering doesn’t have to be this hard.

Do you have days where you feel like you missed a class on how to be an adult?

Where the to-do list is overwhelming and never-ending? And you wonder if you’ll ever feel on top of your game?

I know I have! Mothering doesn’t have to be this hard if we do it together.

This is why I created Stride Productivity and my virtual community, Stride Together.

Because being a mom is hard. Being a mom while also working a full-time job or running your own business is hard. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard!

And I want moms to know they’re not alone.

Mothering doesn't have to be this hard.

I want moms to know what it feels like to not have clutter and tasks in every crevice of their day.

To make time for fun.

To spend quality time with their families.

And to have a sense of control.

It is possible.

I want moms to know they can stop:

  • Ending each day exhausted and drained but feeling like you didn’t do enough. There’s still laundry to put away. You didn’t get to that work project you wanted to start on. And you don’t remember the last time you had an actual conversation with your partner.
  • Feeling pulled in too many directions. You want to say yes to your kids when they ask you to join them on the swings. But you have work emails to respond to, dinner to figure out, and a piece of paper you need to find and sign for your son’s soccer team.
  • Carrying all of the mental load. You’d like to talk with your partner, but you’re too tired to have the conversation. At least for today, it’s easier to take in on yourself.

If you want to learn more, schedule a Get On Track call with me today. Let’s talk about how to help you stop feeling so exhausted and drained.