Category Archives: motivation

Parenting Double Standards: Who’s Naturally Better At Taking Care of the Kids?

mindset shift, motivation

Let’s talk about parenting double standards.

Picture this. You send your kids and your partner on a walk to burn off some of that endless energy kids seem to have. Everyone is putting their shoes on to head outside when you hear a meltdown start. Your daughter is crying because she can’t find the right socks.

Do you step in to help because you know which socks she needs? Or hide out in your bedroom because you know your partner can handle it? Maybe you decide you might as well scrap your plans of taking some time for yourself because you’re not sure your partner can handle the kids for a couple of hours.

parenting double standard

I’ve had all of these thoughts go through my head.

I’ve sat in the other room, listening to my husband argue with my kids, trying to get them to do something when they don’t want to. I’ve wondered if I should step in.

I’ve also let him deal with it because he’s their parent too and I know he can handle it.

When my husband or I head out for an evening with friends, the other one is fully in charge of the kids. That means if a meltdown is happening as I head out the door, I leave because my husband is also a parent and can handle it.

I’ve had friends bail on dinner because one of their kids was having a tough time going to bed.

Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. If you feel your kids need you, then give them that attention. But if you’re staying because you don’t think your partner can handle it, let’s talk about that.

There is this parenting double standard in our society. When dads do something, like take their kids to the park, we see it as this hero move. Oh, look at him, spending time with his kids. He’s such a good dad.

Yet, I could guarantee you we don’t say that about moms. When we see a mom at the park, it’s not a big deal. We’ll judge her for being on her phone or not playing with her kids.

But my husband doesn’t babysit. He’s not a hero for taking the kids to the park or sitting down to play Legos with them. He’s a dad. This is what dads do.

If this doesn’t feel true for you, let’s talk. It’s possible your partner hasn’t had the chance to learn how to do this. Maybe he grew up in a household where his mom did all of the childcare and household tasks.

But remember, you and your partner are a team.

It might feel easier if you do everything yourself, but it doesn’t set anyone up for success in the long run. It’s ok if your partner does something differently. Or takes longer. It’s one less thing you don’t need to worry about.

And there might need to be some knowledge transfer here. Maybe some time is spent talking about how to complete certain tasks. Or giving your partner space to learn what it’s like to take the kids to the park for an afternoon. In a way where they get to figure out what works for them.

Everyone benefits When you are not the only one doing everything in your house.

You are less exhausted and overwhelmed. You can get off the hamster wheel.

You will have more energy, spend more quality time with your family, and feel more relaxed.

That sounds like a win-win for everyone.

So let’s start paying attention to how we approach caretaking tasks. To who is doing what around the house. Thinking about how we got there.

And start paying attention to the parenting double standards our society has. Dads are parents. Let’s start treating them as parents.

Want to talk about changing this in your household? Let’s talk.

It’s Time to Stop Being The One in Charge of Everything

habits, motivation

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you were not the only one remembering to walk the dog, empty the dishwasher, or defrost the chicken for dinner? If you weren’t in charge of everything!?

Sound too good to be true? It is possible!

The Fair Play Method is here to help. It takes you out of being the household manager in your home. You don’t have to be the only person in charge of all the tasks.

The method is based on a book by Eve Rodsky. It’s one of my favorite tools for dealing with the invisible and mental load of motherhood. If you’re still reading these emails, you’ve probably read the book! You might even own the deck of cards!

This method sets you and your partner up for success in both parenting and managing the household.

It’s a way for you and your partner to work together as a team, without one person being the household manager.

Essentially, each person takes on full ownership of specific tasks.

It’s not one person telling everyone else what to do.

One person is in charge of making sure the trash is taken out each week. Or the dishes are dealt with each day.

Let me share an example.

My husband and I both work from home. My husband likes to cook. We have 2 kids. There are a lot of dishes. There are days we run the dishwasher twice a day.

My desk is right next to the kitchen so I spend a lot of time staring at dirty dishes.

And for a while, it felt like they were taunting me. Telling me it was my responsibility to deal with them.

My husband and I talked about who was responsible for the dishes. I felt like he was waiting for me to deal with them.

In reality, he wasn’t thinking about dishes. He knew that one of us would deal with them by the end of the day.

So we came up with a plan. Sunday through Saturday, one of us is entirely in charge of the dishes. Both loading and unloading the dishwasher and hand washing anything that needs to be hand-washed. The other person will help clean up a meal and wipe down counters when necessary. But one person is responsible for the dishwasher.

Our only rule is that by Sunday morning, all dishes from the previous week are clean.

Now, this might not work for you. You might need to trade more often.

Both partners agree on what a completed task looks like. The minimum standard of care guides this conversation.

Using Fair Play helps you move from being the default parent to sharing the load with your partner.

It helps you prioritize your to-do list, establish routines and habits, and spend more quality time with your family. And it helps you feel more relaxed and maybe even find that elusive sense of balance.

Now, maybe you’re thinking that you don’t have time for this. You just need to get these tasks done.

I promise that if you implement the Fair Play method in your house, you will have more time.

It gives you time to rediscover who you are outside of being a parent, partner, and professional.

You will no longer be the exhausted, resentful person you have been.

It starts with an invitation to talk with your partner. That’s all.

And I know that’s not easy. But I promise you it’s worth it.

This first conversation can simply be about how you’ve been feeling and that you’ve discovered a tool to change things. And talking with your partner about how open they are to try this tool.

Have you started this conversation with your partner? Start here if you’re struggling. Or schedule a call with me to talk through getting started!

How To Look at Your Time Like A Closet

Closets, habits, motivation, time management

Yes, I am asking you to look at your time like a closet.

When your closet is overflowing, it’s hard to find what you need. Some days you want to slam the door and walk away. Not getting dressed at all.

Just like a packed schedule makes it hard to focus on what’s next. Or deal with a glitch in the system like a sick kid, flat tire, or snow day.

When your closet is organized, you can find what you need.

look at your time

And when your calendar has white space, you can deal with the unexpected.

It’s hard to get excited for the day when the calendar is cluttered with tasks and activities that you don’t feel good about.

Or when your task list feels too long and the day too short.

When your calendar has white space, you can see what’s going on. And if the activities are (mostly) things you want to be doing, you’re a bit more motivated.

If the task list is (mostly) full of tasks that you know are moving you forward in your life, it’s easier to tackle them. Even if it is dealing with a pile of laundry or dishes.

When you take the time to clear items from your closet, you can find what you need and you’re excited to get dressed. Or, at least, it’s a bit easier to get dressed when you’re not being attacked by a pile of sweaters you no longer wear.

The same goes for your calendar. Life feels better when you fill your calendar with activities that you and your family enjoy.

When you are taking steps toward completing a big goal, whether for your business or personal life, you’re more motivated.

You are then able to end your days feeling a bit more at peace. Knowing you are making things happen. Not just spinning your wheels every day.

Yes, there are things like laundry, dishes, and cleaning toilets. These things just need to happen. But knowing that you are also learning Spanish so your family can spend some time in a Spanish-speaking country? Or you are practicing your public speaking skills for the next big presentation at work? Makes cleaning those toilets a little bit easier.

The next time you add something to your calendar, ask yourself if it fits.

If you feel like your calendar or to-do list is bursting at the seams, maybe we should chat! This is the work I do with my clients.

This is also one of the things I love about the Fair Play Method. One of the first conversations you have includes discussing what’s important to you and your family with your partner.

I know that this feels big and heavy. If defining your values feels like too much, maybe you start by thinking about what you want your kids’ childhood to look like. Pretend they’re heading off to college and you’re reminiscing about their childhood. What sticks out for you? What were the activities and moments you want to remember?

It likely isn’t how clean and organized your house is or how efficient you made it through your to-do list.

It’s the games and pizza night you have every Thursday. The afternoons spent at your neighborhood pool. It’s the movies and hot cocoa on snow days. Little moments that we overlook because we feel that we need to do everything on a grand, magical scale.

I know, this all feels impossible when you have piles of laundry that seem to get bigger and you don’t remember when you last cleaned out your pantry. Plus, work emails keep flooding your inbox and you feel like you’re never going to get caught up, let alone ahead.

This week, take 10 minutes to talk with your partner about what’s important to you and your family. If your kids are old enough, talk with them about this too. It doesn’t have to be a big, in-depth conversation. It can be asking everyone to define one thing that’s important to them. Or to talk about what they want the next 3-6 months to look and feel like. It’s ok to keep it simple.

You Do Not Have To Be The One Doing Everything!

Help, mindset shift, motivation, routines

Ever feel like things don’t happen in your household unless you do them or spend time reminding others to do them?

reminding others

It’s like no one takes out the trash unless you remind someone to take it out. You’re the only one putting away laundry and making sure the pantry has the right snacks.

After a while, this gets exhausting and frustrating. And it likely builds up some resentment. You don’t want to be doing everything by yourself. You’re wondering why your partner doesn’t see that you need help.

Wondering why he doesn’t see all of the hard work you put into making sure everyone has what they need. Your daughter is registered for track and she has the right shoes. Your son is registered for his hip-hop class and has a ride to and from the class.

That the toilet paper your husband likes is in the bathroom. So is his favorite toothpaste.

You probably feel like if you ran away for the week, no one would take their vitamins, buy ketchup, or remember to feed the fish.

What if I told you that others can complete household tasks without you reminding others to do something? Or doing it yourself because that feels easier.

No, it doesn’t have to be all on you. It is possible.

Without post-it notes on the bathroom mirror.

Or threatening to throw out clothes that don’t make it in the dirty clothes hamper.

It is possible to know the kitchen is clean at the end of the day. And you are not the one to come in at 9 pm and finish it up (or do it all).

The secret to creating this shift is getting you and your partner on the same team.

I hear you rolling your eyes at me. I know you are currently the household manager, making sure everything happens when it should. And you’re worried that if you change this, things will fall apart.

But what if I told you there is a way to communicate what needs to happen in a manner that gets your partner to listen? That gets you on the same team. No more reminding others in the house to take out the trash.

This isn’t where one person manages everything. This is where each person takes on specific tasks and completes them from beginning to end without reminders.

You know that tasks are being taken care of and you can stop feeling like you have 75 open tabs in your brain.

This is the magic of the Fair Play Method. It works. And it can work for you too.

It’s a way for you to start letting go of some of the mental load. In a way that gets your partner involved (and maybe even your kids!).

It is possible and there is hope.

It all starts with a conversation. I know this sounds simple and maybe too good to be true.

Start by reading the Fair Play Conversation Starter Playbook.

Get that first conversation with your partner on the calendar. Then, we can take the next steps together.

Why I Love The Fair Play Method And You Should Too

motivation, ,

Wondering how to deal with all that mom rage? The Fair Play Method might be your answer! Keep reading to learn more.

Mom rage is real. That anger and resentment at feeling like we are responsible for everything.​From making sure our kids have shoes that fit, and there’s shampoo and toilet paper in the bathroom to signing the kids up for summer camp on the day registration opens.​

It’s never-ending and it’s exhausting.​Maybe you want to talk with your partner about it. But you can’t find the energy or the time. So you carry on, doing everything. Because that feels easier.​ Someday you’ll get around to the conversation. Or maybe you’ll go on strike. Or run away.

​Yes, moms deserve to feel all the rage. But what if we could change it?

​When I discovered the Fair Play method, I felt like here was the answer. Fair Play is a method that gets both partners on the same team. It’s me and my husband against the dishes, not against each other.
​It’s a system that sets you and your partner up for success in your relationship and parenting! It takes the invisible and makes it visible.

​It helps you and your partner share the load of managing a house and raising kids. Tasks are strategically shared between both partners, with your shared values and mutually agreed-upon expectations as your guideposts.​No one holds any task by default. And, you don’t have to be responsible for a task indefinitely.

​I got tired of feeling like the dishes were my responsibility. I would walk into the kitchen and see a pile of dishes needing to be dealt with. We both work from home but my job is more flexible than my husband’s. So I often felt like I should do more around the house.​What that turned into is that I was spending more time cleaning the kitchen than focusing on work. And I started to feel major resentment about it.

Using the Fair Play Method, we talked about it. We decided that one person would be fully in charge of the dishes from Sunday to Saturday.​

This includes emptying and loading the dishwasher. Hand washing anything that doesn’t go in the dishwasher. And making sure the kitchen is clean enough at night that whoever is making breakfast can make breakfast without cleaning the kitchen.

Fair Play Method

​And one person couldn’t leave a mess for the next person to take over Sunday. If you were behind on dishes, you spent Sunday catching before the other person took over.​

​We checked in with each other every few weeks to see how it was going. Then, we layered on other tasks. If it’s your week for dishes, you are also responsible for dealing with the trash and recycling.​This might look different in your family. Because we’re all different. And what works in this season, might not work 6 months from now.

​Which is why regular check-ins are necessary. Start with one or 2 tasks. Talk about it. Come up with a plan. Then layer on other tasks.

​We’re not looking for a 50/50 split of tasks. It’s what works for you and your family In this season.

​And, one person is not in charge of something forever and ever. Unless that works for you! I do the laundry. I don’t mind it. My husband makes dinner most nights. I don’t like to cook and he does. We’re working on getting our kids more involved. Which is a topic for another time!

​I like this method because it gets everyone on a level playing field. You start by talking about your values. And look at the tasks and activities you do and why.

​What do birthdays look like in your family? What do holidays look like? Who is maintaining relationships with extended family and what does that look like? What ongoing activities do you want you and your family to do? Sports? Music? Volunteering?

​When you start with these conversations and build from there, you start to create a life that you don’t want to run away from. You create time to spend with your family and your partner without the ticker tape of tasks running through your head. Because you know they’re being taken care of.​

​Because you do not have to do it all.​

Want to learn more? Sign up for my private podcast or schedule a free 45-minute coaching call with me!

It’s time for you to go to bed. Yes, I’m talking to you, mom.

habits, mindset shift, motivation, routines

That’s right. Mom, you need to go to bed. No more doom scrolling. Or promising you’ll go to bed after this next episode. I want you to brush your teeth, wash your face, and go to bed. Leave your phone in the other room. Mom, it’s time for you to go to bed.

Sleep is important. If you’ve been skimping on sleep because you feel overwhelmed by everything you must do, stop it. Sleep (and taking breaks) actually helps you get more done each day.

When you’re tired, you’re not efficient.

You make mistakes.

You’re slower both physically and mentally.

So go to bed.

Also, you deserve rest, regardless of how productive you are.

Before you go to bed though, spend some time thinking about your evening routines. What can you do at night to make your mornings better? Pack lunches? Pack backpacks and work bags? Set out breakfast?

go to bed bedside

Ok. Once you’re getting some sleep, start thinking about your morning routines. Are you getting up earlier than your kids? What needs to happen in the morning to make the rest of your day easier? Run the dishwasher? Put dinner in the crockpot?

Spending some time getting your morning and evening routines working helps make the rest of your days easier!

If you want to talk through your routines, schedule a Get On Track Call with me.

A Game of Mousetrap

habits, motivation, routines

Have you ever played the game of Mousetrap? I remember sitting in my grandparent’s house, putting the game together. I don’t think we ever played the game as designed. Just put the pieces together and sent the marble through the system. My kids now do the same thing.

a game of mousetrap

There’s cause and effect. If something goes wrong, the end result is different. Consequently, when things go smoothly, you get what you want in the end (unless you’re the mouse being caught).

It builds on itself. You need the pieces to connect in a certain way for it to work.

The same can be said for systems (and routines) in our own life. Pieces need to connect in certain ways. And when something is off, things can go wrong.

What routines in your life need some work? What systems can you create?

I’ve blocked time on my calendar for my marketing tasks. I sit down every Monday morning and work my way through a checklist of tasks related to marketing. I tackle the ones I don’t want to do first because I know I won’t do them otherwise. If I don’t sit down on Monday morning with these tasks, they’re less likely to get done for the week.

If I don’t do laundry on Sunday afternoons, I have to create time for it somewhere else in my week. I prefer to do my laundry on Sunday and do my best to keep that routine. Also, I won’t wash laundry that isn’t already in the dirty laundry hampers! I refuse to walk around the house picking up dirty socks.

What do you need to put in place? What can you tweak?

Here are a few to think about.

  • Laundry
  • Meal planning
  • Family meetings
  • Processing emails (personal and work)
  • Recurring work tasks

Routines, once put in place, can take so much work out of our days. They clear up our brains for other things!

How To Add Routines To Your Family Life To Make Life Easier

motivation, routines, time management

Let’s talk about how to add routines to your family life! Sometimes a little structure is helpful!

It’s 5 pm. I’m staring at the fridge, wondering what we’re going to have for dinner. I don’t like to cook. If it’s not planned or prepped, we’re having frozen pizza.

Once we started weekly meal planning (and prepping) our weeknight dinners got easier. Veggies and potatoes were prepped and the meat was defrosted. All I needed to do was turn on the oven, toss everything in a pan, and roast it.

Sunday is laundry day. I refuse to wash clothes any other day of the week unless absolutely necessary. If you want your clothes washed, they better be in the hamper when I start. Otherwise, it will wait until next week.

Add routines to your family life

I’m working on implementing certain days of the week for certain work tasks. Something like Marketing Monday, where Monday is focused on all my marketing tasks. Maybe you have planning meetings on certain days of the week or focus on specific projects at specific times.

Do you find routines stifling or helpful?

Do you think that having routines in your life helps with your creativity? Or hurts it?

It is possible to have routines in your life and also flexibility. When your days are planned and structured down to the minute, any disruption throws things into disarray.

When you have routines and structure with space for the unexpected, everything flows smoothly.

What routines do you need in your days?

Below are a few areas to add routines to your life.

  • Laundry
  • Meal planning and prep
  • Recurring work tasks
  • Morning routines
  • Evening routines

Ask yourself the following questions related to building routines.

  • What are all the steps needed to complete this routine?
  • When does each step need to happen?
  • Who is responsible for each step?

I also recommend spending the last 30 minutes of your workday cleaning up your workspace. Check your calendar and tasks for tomorrow. Celebrate what you accomplished today. Process emails. File paperwork. Check your physical inbox, if you have one. Prepare yourself for tomorrow.

When you add routines to your family life, life gets easier! And when your brain knows that tasks are taken care of, it can solve other problems!

Want to take this further? Schedule a Get On Track call with me!

Your Worth Is More Than Your To-do List.

mindset shift, motivation, time management

That’s right, you are not your to-do list!

Our society tells moms their worth is wrapped up in how much they get done each day.

I’m here to tell you that it’s not.

Mom, your worth has nothing to do with how clean and organized your house is.

you are not your to-do list

It has nothing to do with how much you get done each day.

Your worth is not connected to the activities your kids do each week or how good they are at any of them.

It doesn’t matter if your kid’s clothes match when they leave the house (or if they brushed their hair).

I’m telling you that you are not your to-do list.

Mom, you are worthy simply because of who you are.

Check out my private podcast where I talk about this and more!

We talk about things like: 

  • Moms do too much!
  • Productivity hacks will only get you so far.
  • How to build a life you don’t want to run away from.
  • How to channel your inner toddler and ask WHY?!

Each episode is less than five minutes so you can listen to it In The School Pick-Up Line!

You can access this secret podcast and receive weekly mini-lessons to stop doing ALL THE THINGS yourself.  

Or, dive into my Stride Together Program. Tips, tricks, ideas, and community!

How To Gain Control Over Your To-Do List

mindset shift, motivation, time management

I’m sitting at my desk getting ready to gain control over my to-do list.

My to-do list for today has more than work tasks listed. I need to change the sheets, get my kids signed up for swim lessons, and schedule a dentist appointment.

One of the reasons moms are so exhausted is they’re never only focusing on work or only focusing on their kids.

You are constantly switching between tasks. And that constant switching is exhausting. Many things are rolling through your brain. (Hello, Mental load!)

You likely thought of 6 things you need to do today just while reading this!

The mental labor of keeping a household running is exhausting and overwhelming.

So, what can we do about it? How do you gain control over your to-do list?

First, start with a brain dump. Get all the tasks and ideas out of your head. Your brain was not meant to hold more than 4-5 ideas at a time. You don’t need to remember that you need toothpaste, write it down and stop thinking about it!

one to the next

This step alone is helpful. And it can be overwhelming to see all those tasks listed in front of you. You don’t have to do all those tasks today! I promise.

Documenting your tasks helps you categorize them. So you can run all your errands at once instead of going to the grocery store or Target 5 times over 2 weeks.

The other tip I have for you is time blocking. Have certain times of the week or day when you complete certain tasks. Monday mornings are blocked off for all my marketing tasks. I have a checklist of everything I need to do. I block time on my calendar so that people can’t schedule appointments with me until after 10am. This way, I can sit down and work my way through my checklist.

Same for laundry. I have certain days of the week I do laundry. I’ll do the occasional load if necessary. But if your laundry isn’t in the laundry basket when laundry is done, it isn’t getting clean!

What can you time block for yourself this week? It could be a work task or a household chore.

And if you want help in gaining control, let’s talk about it together!

Are Your Kids Too Busy For You To Make Friends?

habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.” ― Tina Fey, Bossypants

Are your kids too busy for you to get together with your friends? Read on for some ideas!

I was sitting on the playground recently, watching my kids play and listening to a group of parents talk about how hard it was to get together with their friends.

A dad was describing this long text thread of trying to get together with a friend to go rock-climbing. They live 30 minutes away from great climbing, but could not find a time when they were both free at the same time.

kids too busy

Same story for a mom trying to make plans with some girlfriends.

There were all the activities that the kids were doing. Soccer. Piano. Swim lessons. Dance. Gymnastics. Tuesdays and Thursdays were out. Saturdays too because that’s when the games are. And the multitude of birthday parties and other kid-centered activities that happen.

If there’s more than one kid, the activities likely fall on different days, so there goes most weekdays.

And I say there thinking to myself – it doesn’t have to be this hard, does it? It shouldn’t be this hard to make time to see our friends. Why do we design our lives to revolve around our children?

Society has led us to believe that we need to do everything for our children and keep them fully entertained all the time. That it’s selfish for us to do anything for ourselves.

Play dates. Sports. Music. They must be achieving and growing.

What happened to kids entertaining themselves while mom and dad sit and have a quiet cup of coffee together?

What would happen if you said no to a birthday party and instead spent some time with your family? Or hired a babysitter (or a neighbor) to watch your kid(s) while you and a friend went and took a walk or went for a cup of coffee?

What if each family member took one activity off their plate for the next few months? What would that extra time do for all of you?

You can design a life you love. Not one that’s requiring you to respond to stress with the torpor of a possum.

What would you let go of today to make more time for your friends?

Your future self will thank you!

Sign up for my private podcast to take the next step in what to do when your kids are too busy!

Decision Fatigue! Did You Know That You Make 35,000 Decisions A Day?

motivation, routines, time management

Let’s talk about decision fatigue.

Did you know that people make over 35,000 decisions a day?

This is why, when it’s time for dinner and you haven’t planned it, you have wine and M&M’s and feed your kids cereal (there’s nothing wrong with this, on occasion, by the way).

Moms already have enough on their plates. There’s no need to make life more complicated.

Having some basic routines and systems in your days and weeks helps simplify things. Remove decisions where you can.

decision fatigue

Have a menu that repeats every 2 weeks. You have chicken every Thursday. The spices and sides can change, but you know roughly what you’re eating. Every Monday is something vegetarian. Keep a list of meal ideas so you can easily plan those vegetarian meals without too much thought.

Have certain days of the week for laundry. Or, do one load a day. Figure out what laundry routine works best for you. I wash clothes on Sundays and sheets/towels on Fridays. I have a friend who does one full load (from washing to putting it away) every day. Figure out what works for you and your family and stick with it.

Have a list of things to which you will say no. This is important. Shiny objects. Clothes you don’t need. Toys your kids don’t need. Activities and commitments are just one more thing to keep track of. Figure out what’s important and say no to the rest!

The point is to take as many decisions as possible out of your day. Because 35,000 decisions a day is just too many!

Your future self will thank you!

Ready to deal with your decision fatigue? Sign up for my private podcast today!

Mothering Doesn’t Have To Be This Hard

habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation, time management

Maybe mothering doesn’t have to be this hard.

Do you have days where you feel like you missed a class on how to be an adult?

Where the to-do list is overwhelming and never-ending? And you wonder if you’ll ever feel on top of your game?

I know I have! Mothering doesn’t have to be this hard if we do it together.

This is why I created Stride Productivity and my virtual community, Stride Together.

Because being a mom is hard. Being a mom while also working a full-time job or running your own business is hard. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard!

And I want moms to know they’re not alone.

Mothering doesn't have to be this hard.

I want moms to know what it feels like to not have clutter and tasks in every crevice of their day.

To make time for fun.

To spend quality time with their families.

And to have a sense of control.

It is possible.

I want moms to know they can stop:

  • Ending each day exhausted and drained but feeling like you didn’t do enough. There’s still laundry to put away. You didn’t get to that work project you wanted to start on. And you don’t remember the last time you had an actual conversation with your partner.
  • Feeling pulled in too many directions. You want to say yes to your kids when they ask you to join them on the swings. But you have work emails to respond to, dinner to figure out, and a piece of paper you need to find and sign for your son’s soccer team.
  • Carrying all of the mental load. You’d like to talk with your partner, but you’re too tired to have the conversation. At least for today, it’s easier to take in on yourself.

If you want to learn more, schedule a Get On Track call with me today. Let’s talk about how to help you stop feeling so exhausted and drained.

Where Do I Even Start? It’s Such a Mess?

mindset shift, motivation, routines, time management

In this beautiful book I read with my kids, Suzy’s mom tells her to pick up her room. Her room is such a mess that she’s not even sure where to start. She feels overwhelmed by the mess. What should she do?

Have you been there?

Have you ever taken a look at your kitchen, the piles of kids’ toys, your to-do list for work, and just stood there?

Overwhelmed and unsure of where to even start?

such a mess

I have.

The endless lists. The piles that keep appearing, like a game of whack-a-mole. The dishes, laundry, kids’ toys. The emails, slack messages, interruptions. The work projects.

Where do you even start when it’s such a mess?

Do what Suzy and her mom do. (and what I do with my kids when their toys are all over the house).

Play the seek and sort game. Pick one task, one list, one subject. And start.

Process your emails (not just read them, but respond, delete, file, figure out the next action).

Find that one task that’s been lingering on your list and do it.

Find all the tasks that will take less than two minutes and see how many you can do in 30 minutes.

Identify the next step on an important work project and take it.

Set a timer for 15 minutes and work on that task you have been avoiding.

The point here is to pick one spot, any spot, and tackle it.

And, if you’re really struggling, put all the tasks on separate sheets of paper in a bowl and draw one out. Do it. Repeat.

Seek. Sort. Start.

Your future self will thank you.

This is a true picture of my kid’s old playroom. It was amazing how quickly they made a mess to the point that they couldn’t play in it! And we had to pick one spot, one toy category, and start cleaning up! Life can feel this messy sometimes, huh?!

Sign up for my private podcast for more ideas!

Watch As She Bends But Never Breaks

habits, mindset shift, motivation, time management

She bends but never breaks. In the song, Surface Pressure, from Encanto, we find Luisa singing the following lyrics.

I take what I’m handed, I break what’s demanding But

Under the surface

I feel berserk as a tightrope walker in a three-ring circus

Under the surface…

I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service…

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that’ll never stop, whoa

Pressure that’ll tip, tip, tip ’til you just go pop, whoa-oh-oh

Give it to your sister, it doesn’t hurt

And see if she can handle every family burden

Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks

Luisa is singing about how she feels so much pressure and is wondering if she can handle it.

She’s always been expected to be the strong one in the family. And the family and town keep throwing tasks at her and expecting her to take more and more on.

She feels herself crumbling under the pressure. She also starts to realize that she doesn’t always have to be the strong one. That she doesn’t always have to take everything on. That she’s more than the strong one. And she really needs a break. We watch as she bends but never breaks.

Do these words resonate with you? Do you feel the pressure of taking everything on yourself?

You take everything that’s thrown at you. You bend but never break.

But underneath everything, you feel a bit berserk? Trying not to crumble under the pressure? Feeling like your worth is wrapped up in service to your family?

Maybe you too are developing a twitch in your eye from the pressure.

Know that you don’t need to carry the weight of the world by yourself. That you and your family are a team. You work together.

Know that you don’t have to do every task on your to-do list today.

One of the things I work on with my clients is making sure that what’s on your list belongs there. Today and long-term. You don’t have to say yes to everything.

The world will continue to tell you that your worth is wrapped up in your task list and how you serve your family.

I will continue to tell you that this isn’t true.

If you want to hear more about this topic, sign up for my private podcast or talk directly with me on a Get On Track call.

Ever Redo a Task That Someone Else Did? Here’s How To Stop.

habits, mindset shift, motivation

Do you ever redo a task? When I was in college, my roommate would re-clean the bathroom after I cleaned it. He didn’t think I did it right.

So I stopped. What was the point of me taking the time to do something that someone else was going to redo?

Have you ever done this?

Do you ever redo a task another person did because you didn’t think it was done well enough? Maybe it’s the dishwasher, maybe it’s folding laundry, maybe it’s something for work.

Be honest, no one is watching you read this.

And how often do you complain that others in your house don’t help? Do you spend your time with friends complaining about how you do it all around the house? How your partner just doesn’t see all that you do or even know that you do it?

You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and tired of it all?

I wonder if we bring some of the chaos on ourselves.

I wonder if we have such high expectations of ourselves and those around us that no one will ever live up to them.

Or society has conditioned women to believe that we’re the only ones capable of doing these tasks. And if they’re not done our way, then we’ve failed somehow.

What if, by redoing a task that someone else completed, we take away their power and motivation? Thereby starting a cycle where they stop doing it and we get mad because now they’re not doing it.

reclean the bathroom Woman standing over dishwasher

I have a friend who argued with his wife about their dishwasher. She was constantly reloading it after he loaded it. He told her he was going to stop loading it if she continued to redo it. What was the point of him doing it if it was just going to get redone?

What if our partners (and maybe even our kids) feel this way? They’re tired of having their work redone and wondering why they even bother if it’s not good enough.

I’ve talked about how men and women have the same level of messiness. Society conditioned women to care more, to get to it quicker. So we want tasks completed on our timeline. Not allowing others to have agency.

I wonder what would happen if we set the expectation of when something needs to be done and then let our partners do it in their own way. Didn’t remind them. Didn’t nag them. Let them do it on their own.

Remember that half the population wasn’t raised to see all the work it takes to run a household and raise kids.

It’s not that they’re ignoring it. They don’t know it exists. And, as women, when we take it all on, our partners still don’t see it because we’re doing it all.

These changes require patience and time. We’re not going to change these deep-seated tendencies overnight. But we can start.

Let’s start by making it more visible. Stop doing all the housework after everyone else is in bed. Stop redoing something someone else has already done. Even if you can fit more dishes in the dishwasher or think something should be folded differently, stop. Try celebrating that someone else did it and now you don’t have to. That’s one thing off your plate!

Think of what you can do when you’re not doing everything.

My kids don’t fold their clothes. The kids sort by item and shove the clothes in drawers. They know how to fold, but I’m not going to spend a bunch of time folding their clothes or nagging them to do it. We sort them, play a game of basketball as they toss their clothes into the drawers, and call it a day.

Give someone ownership over a task. They’re not helping you, you’re working together.

Start paying attention to everything that you’re taking on. It’s not going to change overnight, but let’s start with some awareness.

The Minimum Standard of Care (MSC) is helpful here.. This is a term from the Fair Play Method. It’s an agreed-upon standard of values describing how a task is done. Learn more about it on my private podcast.

Your future self will thank you.

Let me know the last time you redid the dishwasher! (I’ll keep it between us!)

Dirty Dishes and The Invisible Load

mindset shift, motivation, routines, time management

We run our dishwasher a lot. There is often a clean load in the dishwasher, with even more dishes sitting on the kitchen counter waiting to be dealt with. So many dishes!

so many dishes

At some point, I realized that I had it in my head that my husband expected me to deal with the dishes. Yes, we both work from home. But my schedule is more flexible. So, of course, why wouldn’t I be the one to deal with all the household tasks too?

Sound familiar? As moms, we take on all the household tasks because it feels easier that way. Without thinking about it.

In reality, it wasn’t that he expected me to do it. He wasn’t thinking about it at all. He was focused on work. And he would deal with the dishes later, after work, while he was making dinner.

I read an article in the Atlantic about how men and women are equally messy. But men don’t notice as much. Women feel a lot of pressure to keep their spaces clean, organized, and pretty. Ourselves too. Now, I will leave space in here on how we feel more in control of our lives when we’ve cleaned and purged our house. I too clean and organize when I’m stressed out.

But, women are conditioned from a young age that keeping the house and family organized is our responsibility. Our worth is wrapped up in it. Women operate on a different time scale than men. So it appears that we take it all on because men won’t. When men just haven’t been conditioned to deal with it as quickly as women.

And the pattern continues. Women take on the tasks because we think men aren’t going to do it, instead of letting them do it in their own way. Then the men just stop doing tasks around the house, because the women do it all anyway. And the exhausting cycle continues.

And our kids see this. They see mom doing all the household chores, organizing schedules, and planning everything. And they grow up thinking that’s how it’s done.

It’s time to change that narrative.

I realize that I’m asking women to take on one more thing here. I’m also asking women to get their partners in on this. To start having these conversations together. To start shifting the dynamics in your house to more equity. Where everyone in the household is involved, down to the youngest child.

When my kids complain about not wanting to do something around the house, I remind them that we all live here. We all contribute to the household and we all need to work together. And then we read a book titled The Great Zooberry Debacle: A Tale of Many Hands.

Start paying attention to when you take it all on. When you are the one worrying about everything and feeling like people are judging you if things aren’t perfect.

Your future self will thank you.

When you’re ready to stop feeling pulled in too many directions and add a sense of control and peace to your days, schedule a call with me, and let’s talk about my coaching programs.

Most Days It Feels Like The Task List Never Ends.

habits, mindset shift, motivation, time management

The task list never ends.

Get the kids up.

Make breakfast.

Help the kids pack their lunches

Remind the kids to put those lunches in their backpacks, not the counter.

Get kids out the door to school.

some days it never ends

Then start my work day.

And then remember we need to figure out what’s for dinner. Maybe buy groceries.

And add 3 more things to my task list for work.

Some days, it never ends!

It feels like the task list never gets shorter.

Some days the list truly gets longer!

At times it feels like we’re failing. Maybe you’ll try a new tool or hack and it’ll work for a while. But you eventually find yourself back where you were, overwhelmed and overcommitted. Feeling like it’s never enough.

Sometimes we wonder if we missed a class in school on how to do this thing called life.

I assure you that you did not miss a class. You are not failing. Our society has led women to believe that to have it all we have to do it all.

When dads don’t get paternity leave, moms simply get better at doing all the things. Not because they’re better at it by nature, but because they’re the ones doing it every day.

Over time, this leads moms to feel like we need to take on everything related to the house and kids, on top of running a business or growing our own careers. Because we’ve been led to believe that this is what good moms do and nothing will happen if we don’t take care of it.

But when both partners are involved with the household and raising of children, life is richer for everyone.

Getting everyone involved in a household doesn’t happen overnight. And it doesn’t happen by putting up a chore chart or reminders.

It takes time. Conversations. Family meetings. Work on everyone’s part.

But it can happen. This is the work I do with my clients. The work we talk about in my community.

Want to learn more? Go here.

If you’re wondering if you missed a class on how to do life, start with my private podcast: Go here.

Your future self will thank you!

Here Are Some Ideas to Deal With a Never-ending To-Do List.

mindset shift, motivation, routines, time management

Ever feel like you have a never-ending to-do list?

Years ago, my husband and I went hiking in Acadia, in northern Maine. As we were coming back down the trail, we kept thinking that the trail would end around the next bend. Around the next bend, we’ll be back at the car. This went on for some time. It seemed the trail was never going to end! 

around the next bend.

We still joke about it. It’s become a mantra in our lives whenever something seems to be taking longer than it should. It’ll end around the next bend. 

Maybe this is how you feel about your to-do list. That you’ll get through it soon. It has to get shorter sometime, right? If you just keep chipping away at it. Skipping sleep. Not taking breaks. 

Around the next bend. 

Let’s be honest. In this case, it’s not going to end around the next bend. There will always be something on our to-do list. It might feel more manageable some days or weeks. But there will always be tasks. 

I’m not telling you this to make you sad and feel defeated. I want you to make the realization that it’s ok to take a break from the list. To put something fun on it. Or even put it in a drawer for the afternoon and go do something for yourself. 

Then, after that break, come back and let’s talk about how to handle the never-ending list. When you really feel like you don’t have the time to deal with what’s on it. Or to even make a dent in the list. 

Where do you start? 

Start with a brain dump. Take 10 minutes and write down everything that’s floating around in your head. All the ideas and tasks. Find the post-its and notes you’ve left everywhere. Get them all in one spot. Pull out tasks lost in your emails. 

Once you have all the tasks in one place, it’s easier to see your priorities. It can’t all be a priority, so you’ll need some guidelines here. Ask yourself the following questions: 

  • What are the quickest / closest deadlines? 
  • What is making my business money? 
  • What project do I need to get started on soon? 
  • Are there tasks on here that I can delete or delegate? 

What are the next steps? 

Next, write out each step, as small as possible for all your projects. This helps you get moving on your projects because you know the next steps. 

You can’t claim you don’t have the time, because you can make the time for small steps. 

What are your goals and values? 

Another place to start is understanding what’s important to you. When you know your goals for your business and your family, you can easily identify the tasks that get you there. Anything else can be deleted. 

Say No

The next part is learning to say no. When you know what’s on your plate, you know if another project or client is the right fit. 

Remember, future you is just as busy as today you. Only say yes to something in the future if you would say yes to it tomorrow. 

Saying yes to a big project means saying no to something else. 

Maybe a goal of yours is to spend more time with your family or on exercise or to create another part of your business. Saying yes to a new project or client might take away from that. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it. 

That to-do list might never end, even around the next bend. But you can take back control and deal with it in a way that works for you. So the trail doesn’t feel so long. And you can enjoy the scenery along the way.

If you want more ideas on how to deal with that never-ending to-do list, sign up for my private podcast. You’ll get quick and easy tips in an easy-to-digest format!

Real Self-care. It’s not what you think.

mindset shift, motivation, routines

Manis/Pedis. Massages. Bubbles baths. Chocolate (or your favorite junk food). This is what we talk about as self-care.

I don’t believe any of these things are really self-care. They’re what society has told us is self-care. 

massages. bubble baths. self-care.

And we’re told that we should be taking care of ourselves. Not feeling guilty for taking that bubble bath or getting a massage. 

And yes, we should be taking care of ourselves. And no, we should not be feeling guilty for filling our cups. 

But we need to take some time to figure out what really feeds our souls. And, we should be taking the time to find activities that we truly enjoy. Not what we think we should be doing. 

We need to be building lives that we don’t need to escape from. 

This means that we don’t need a weekly massage so that we can have an hour of quiet time because we have time to ourselves and for ourselves built into the week (and we actually make that time happen).  

That we’re not hiding in the pantry eating cookies straight from the package while hiding from our kids because we actually enjoy spending time with them. We fill their cups too and we have scheduled breaks from them to fill our cups.  

Yes, I do enjoy my hot chocolate. I believe chocolate feeds my soul. I am also aware that it’s a quick fix. It’s not going to fix whatever it is that got me to this place of feeling drained. 

Now, if you love your weekly massages, then have them. But don’t use them as your only form of self-care. Same for manis/pedis. 

What do you do for self-care? Beyond bubble baths and massages? What really feeds your soul?

For me, going to bed early with a good book fills my cup. Sometimes it’s a long phone call with a friend. 

Want to get started on creating a life you don’t need to escape from? Join my virtual community, Stride Together.