Let’s talk about parenting double standards.

Picture this. You send your kids and your partner on a walk to burn off some of that endless energy kids seem to have. Everyone is putting their shoes on to head outside when you hear a meltdown start. Your daughter is crying because she can’t find the right socks.

Do you step in to help because you know which socks she needs? Or hide out in your bedroom because you know your partner can handle it? Maybe you decide you might as well scrap your plans of taking some time for yourself because you’re not sure your partner can handle the kids for a couple of hours.

I’ve had all of these thoughts go through my head.

I’ve sat in the other room, listening to my husband argue with my kids, trying to get them to do something when they don’t want to. I’ve wondered if I should step in.

I’ve also let him deal with it because he’s their parent too and I know he can handle it.

When my husband or I head out for an evening with friends, the other one is fully in charge of the kids. That means if a meltdown is happening as I head out the door, I leave because my husband is also a parent and can handle it.

I’ve had friends bail on dinner because one of their kids was having a tough time going to bed.

Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. If you feel your kids need you, then give them that attention. But if you’re staying because you don’t think your partner can handle it, let’s talk about that.

There is this parenting double standard in our society. When dads do something, like take their kids to the park, we see it as this hero move. Oh, look at him, spending time with his kids. He’s such a good dad.

Yet, I could guarantee you we don’t say that about moms. When we see a mom at the park, it’s not a big deal. We’ll judge her for being on her phone or not playing with her kids.

But my husband doesn’t babysit. He’s not a hero for taking the kids to the park or sitting down to play Legos with them. He’s a dad. This is what dads do.

If this doesn’t feel true for you, let’s talk. It’s possible your partner hasn’t had the chance to learn how to do this. Maybe he grew up in a household where his mom did all of the childcare and household tasks.

But remember, you and your partner are a team.

It might feel easier if you do everything yourself, but it doesn’t set anyone up for success in the long run. It’s ok if your partner does something differently. Or takes longer. It’s one less thing you don’t need to worry about.

And there might need to be some knowledge transfer here. Maybe some time is spent talking about how to complete certain tasks. Or giving your partner space to learn what it’s like to take the kids to the park for an afternoon. In a way where they get to figure out what works for them.

Everyone benefits When you are not the only one doing everything in your house.

You are less exhausted and overwhelmed. You can get off the hamster wheel.

You will have more energy, spend more quality time with your family, and feel more relaxed.

That sounds like a win-win for everyone.

So let’s start paying attention to how we approach caretaking tasks. To who is doing what around the house. Thinking about how we got there.

And start paying attention to the parenting double standards our society has. Dads are parents. Let’s start treating them as parents.

Want to talk about changing this in your household? Let’s talk.