When my kids were little, my mom friends would talk about being busy like it was a badge of honor. It was almost like they thought, ‘This is what a good mom does. The never-ending to-do list, driving my kids everywhere, sacrificing my own goals and needs for my kids.’
And the entrepreneur moms took things to a whole new level.
These conversations never sat right with me. Something felt off. Like motherhood didn’t need to feel so hard. It’s our life, too. Not just our kids’ lives we’re living. Plus, we have businesses (that we’re proud of) to run on top of the household.
I’ve always been organized. I used to have a professional organizing business that morphed into what I do today. And, to be honest, I love reading time management books (I know… glamorous, isn’t it?). I love stories of how someone was overwhelmed by too much to do and pulled it together. There’s nothing like a good case study to feel like anything is possible.
But let’s be honest. Most popular productivity books out there were written by white men with a wife at home. It’s easy to be on top of it when someone else is taking care of all the details that keep a household and family functioning.
You and I both know how easy it is to be a “time management expert” when you only have to manage yourself and your wife carries the rest of the load.
As entrepreneur moms, we’re running businesses while our kids nap, between school pick-up and making dinner, and after our kids go to bed. We’re fitting our client work in the nooks and crannies of our kids’ lives. Or, we feel like we’re not doing enough for our kids because we’re focused on work.
The never-ending tug-of-war is real.
We’ve been told to delegate or hire help. But there’s still a lot of mental load and management in hiring a house cleaner or nanny, or having groceries delivered. Not everything can be outsourced or delegated. And not everyone can afford to ‘just hire help’.
When I discovered the Fair Play Method, a book by Eve Rodsky, I thought, “This is the answer to the overwhelm of motherhood”. It’s a process, based in reality, that can change how a household functions. Really, it can be useful in all areas of our lives, including our businesses.
Today, I can proudly say that I’m not the only one in the family who empties the dishwasher or packs lunches.
I loved the Fair Play Method so much that I went and became a Certified Fair Play Method Facilitator. I wanted to dive deeper into the process and help my clients implement Fair Play it in their own lives.
Through my own journey of motherhood and through all of my training and experience with clients, I’ve learned that the myth of the Super Mom is nothing but a lie.
Society has convinced moms that we’re the natural caretakers, so we should be in charge of all things parenthood. Scheduling doctor’s appointments, packing diaper bags and lunches, waiting up until curfew to make sure everybody’s home safe, making sure they have shoes that fit. Making birthdays, holidays, and life in general magical.
Some moms are natural caretakers. Most of us have been conditioned since we were toddlers that this is what women do. Boys were given G.I. Joes and race cars. We were given Easy-Bake ovens and Barbie houses.
And now, we’re raising our kids in an era of the unknown. We feel like we need to build their childhood resume because we want them to get into a good college so they can get a good job. To be successful.
What does that really mean? Why have we defined success as lots of money and a fancy job title? And why have we decided that’s only possible if they get into a top-tier school?
Partly because the system is created that way. But we also buy into it.
Sure, you think your third grader is on track to get a full ride into a D1 college on a swim scholarship.
But at what cost?
As we build our kids’ resumes, book out their social calendar, and volunteer for all the things, we burn ourselves and our kids out in the process. (In reality, only 2% of high school athletes are awarded a sports scholarship in college, and that’s only at the most competitive DI and DII schools.)
Yes, parenting is hard. So is running a business. But we make it harder by buying into everything society tells us perfect moms should do.
I’m here to bust the Perfect Mom Myth because you deserve to feel like a good mom with a successful business and free time to boot. Hustle culture be damned.
When we know how to question the status quo and evaluate how we’re spending our time, we take control of our lives. We stop buying into society’s myth of the perfect mom.
Here’s what that looks like for me:
I coached my daughter’s soccer team one season and felt resentful every Saturday. Our weekends were scheduled around one 60-minute game. I was not a fan. I did not encourage a second season.
I knew that being a room parent would make me resentful, but I could volunteer for one PTA-sponsored event each school year (supporting my community).
My husband and I encourage our kids to choose one activity each semester, outside of school, to commit to. Sometimes this is trying a new sport. Sometimes it’s an art class.
I’m not against having activities. I’m against the overscheduling. The 9 y.o who doesn’t get home from sports until 8 pm. The high schooler with Fall and Winter sports seasons overlapping.
I value relationships. Hiking, traveling, watching movies, occasionally playing a board game with my kids. Spending time with my friends where there’s no pressure to capture B-roll for the business’s IG account. Where we don’t worry about whether the house is clean or whether we have the perfect charcuterie board.
Community is important to me. This might be a book club, school community, a spiritual community, or an entrepreneur’s circle. It’s knowing that whatever you’re going through, someone else is there or has been there.
I also value lifelong learning (see reading all the time management books). For me, this includes reading books on how the patriarchy is built into our society, and how I can pull my own little threads to help dismantle it. You can also occasionally find me wandering through a history museum, half-reading the plaques, and thinking about the lives of those who came before us.
Now, maybe you’re reading all of this and thinking, but I love being busy. I love driving my kids everywhere and watching them learn new things. Great – I can help you figure out how to keep doing all of it without burning out. Especially because you’re also running a business, and it’s a lot.
If you’re thinking, ok, I don’t like being so busy, but I don’t know how to stop! I can help with that, too.
The fact is that Moms deserve better. And while I can’t single-handedly change the system, I can help you change things in your life. I can help you make time for your business, your family, and even for yourself.
And sooner than we think, with enough moms reclaiming their time, we can change our kids’ future, our communities, and maybe even the system.
