A friend of mine regularly argued with his wife about loading the dishwasher. She was consistently reloading it after he had filled it. She likes things done a certain way.
He said he would stop loading the dishwasher if she kept redoing what he did. Why should he spend the effort if someone was going to redo it?
Yes, it’s hard when you prefer something to be done a certain way. It might mean that you won’t let others clean the kitchen because you like it done in a specific manner.
But what is that doing to your mental and physical health?
And what happens if it’s done in a different way? If it’s done and you get a break from it, I’d call that a win!
Yes, releasing that control is hard. I get it. It’s also totally worth finding a way, even just a little, to relinquish some of that control.
How amazing would it be to sit on your back porch with a glass of wine or cup of tea while someone else cleans the kitchen?
Or maybe you’re helping your son do his homework while your partner helps your daughter make her lunch.
Imagine how it would feel to not remind everyone what needs to happen!
As you start to implement the Fair Play Method in your household, you get time back in your days. When the ticker tape of tasks constantly running through your brain slows down, you have space to focus on so much more! You have time to practice the piano. Take a dance class. Or sit on the back porch reading a book!
One of the long-term results of this method is that you get time back. You make time for self-care, friendships, and even pursuing hobbies or passions.
Because you are not doing everything, all the time, by yourself.
The Minimum Standard of Care helps you let go of needing tasks completed your way.
This is a conversation around a specific task where you discuss exactly how that task is completed. It is not the person with higher standards getting their way.
It’s finding common ground that you both agree upon. If you cannot agree to the Minimum Standard of Care (MSC), ask yourselves:
- Would a reasonable person (in this case, your partner, spouse, babysitter, caregivers, parents, and in-laws) under similar circumstances do as I’ve done?
- What is the community standard, and do we want to adopt this standard within our own home?
- What’s the harm in doing, or not doing, it this way?
- What is our “why”?
You might both need to give a little to meet at a place where you both agree.
Remember, your end goal here is to have less on your plate. To share the mental load with your partner.
The other acronym to remember here is CPE. This stands for Conception, Planning, and Execution.
Because it’s not enough to have your partner only doing the execution of a task. Making dinner twice a week, even when you’re still doing all the meal planning and grocery shopping doesn’t change things.
When one person takes on meal planning, grocery shopping, and dinner making, then things start to shift.
That doesn’t mean that one person is doing that job forever and ever. Daily grind cards shouldn’t always be held by one person.
And you’re not trying to get to 50/50. It’s what feels fair in your family. Mine is going to look different.
Play this game for life. As seasons change in your life, things will shift. Your deck of cards might change. Who does what changes.
Schedule a Get On Track call with me to talk through changing this dynamic in your house.