Category Archives: mindset shift

Running in multiple directions? Try a family meeting

Fair Play, habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation

If you’re tired of keeping track of where your family needs to be every day, try a family meeting!

Remember, it’s not all on you to keep things running smoothly.

Holding regular family meetings keeps everyone on the same page. There are so many things you can talk about.

  • Weekly activities (sports, volunteer activities, etc.)
  • Upcoming events (travel plans, holidays, birthdays)
  • Household tasks (and who does what, when!)
  • What’s going well / what’s not going well within the family

Each week, have a different family member run the meeting and take notes. Use a stuffed animal or a specific item to indicate whose turn it is to talk.

After a few weeks, your household just might start feeling a little more in control!

These meetings don’t have to last long. In our house, we hold them over dinner, often on Sunday evenings. And my kids’ attention span lasts maybe 10 minutes, if we’re lucky.

You could hold them every Friday afternoon and then have a game night or pizza/movie night. Do what works best for you and your family!

They key is to talk, together, about what it takes to run a family!

If you want to learn more about using family meetings in your house, schedule a Get On Track call with me! We can talk about how to get started. Or, learn how to work with me!

Is the Daily Grind Wearing You Down? You’re Not Alone!

Fair Play, habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation

The daily grind of running a household is exhausting!

This is especially true when there’s so much coming at us and we’re worried about our kids’ future and the state of this country.

There are so many days when I move from one task to another. And then repeat.

Dishes. 🍽️

Work tasks. 👩‍💻

daily grind

Laundry. 🧺

Remind the kids to bathe. Argue with the kids because they don’t want to bathe. 🛀

More dishes. 🍽️

Work meetings. 👩‍💻

Snacks. Snacks. Snacks. 🥨

But it’s not all on me.

​And no magic mom hack is going to fix it. We can’t do it all by ourselves. We need to share the load with others in our household.

​My husband walks one kid to school every morning. 🚸

He cooks most of our dinners. 🥙

He does plenty of dishes. 🍽️

If you’re tired of doing it all, sign up for my Share The Load calls. 🗓️ 📞

You do not need to be the only one in charge of the daily grind!

Remember, it’s not all on you!

Tired of arguing with your husband about the dishes?

Fair Play, mindset shift, motivation

It’s time to stop playing Dishwasher Tetris and arguing with your husband.

I have a friend who constantly argued with his wife about loading the dishwasher. She consistently reloaded it after he had filled it. 

He said he was going to stop loading the dishwasher if she kept redoing what he did. 

Why should he spend the effort if someone was going to redo it?

arguing with your husband

Yes, it’s hard when you prefer something to be done a certain way. It might mean that you won’t let others clean the kitchen because you prefer it done in a specific manner. 

But what is that doing to your mental and physical health? 

And what happens if it’s done differently? If it’s done and you get a break from it, I’d call that a win! 

Yes, releasing that control is hard. I get it. 

It’s also totally worth finding a way, even just a little, to relinquish some of that control. 

How amazing would it be to sit on your back porch with a glass of wine or cup of tea while someone else cleans the kitchen? 

Or maybe you’re helping your son do his homework while your partner helps your daughter make her lunch. And you trust that your husband and daughter know what they’re doing!

And you’re not the one reminding everyone what needs to happen! 

Imagine how that would feel! 

Society has conditioned women since we were young that we need to be in charge of everything and that how things are done is important.

So, let’s change that with a conversation about the Minimum Standard of Care (MSC).

This conversation creates agreed-upon values about a task and is a great way to discuss what a completed task looks like. It is not the person with higher standards getting their way or someone demanding a person lower their standards.

It’s finding common ground that you both agree upon. If you cannot agree to the Minimum Standard of Care (MSC), ask yourselves:

  1. Would a reasonable person (in this case, your partner, spouse, babysitter, caregivers, parents, and in-laws) under similar circumstances do as I’ve done?
  2. What is the community standard, and do we want to adopt this standard within our own home?
  3. What’s the harm in doing, or not doing, it this way?
  4. What is our “why”? 

You might both need to give a little to meet at a place where you both agree. 

Remember, your end goal here is to have less on your plate. To share the mental load with your partner. 

I’m here to help you have this conversation with your husband. Sign up for a Share The Load call today! Your future self will thank you. 

Or, if you’re ready to start working with me, let’s see which of my programs is the best fit!

2 reasons why you might feel guilty asking your partner to do more at home

Fair Play, mindset shift, motivation

Let’s look at why you might feel guilty asking your partner to do more household and child care tasks!

Do you ever feel guilty when talking with your partner about sharing the household and childcare tasks?

Maybe you want something off your plate but feel guilty for asking him to take over.

You are tired of doing everything yet feel like you should be doing everything. You wonder why others seem to have their act together while you don’t.

I’m here to tell you that this isn’t guilt. This is societal conditioning telling you that, as a mom, you are responsible for everything at home.

feel guilty asking your partner

But it’s not all on you. And you are not a failure. Society is failing you.

Our society is set up for an “ideal worker”—where one person (usually the husband) works to support the household, and another person (usually the wife) does everything else.

But that’s not how life works anymore. In most households, both parents work. And even if one person is home full-time, that doesn’t mean that person takes on everything.

Another part of this might be how we frame guilt.

I love how Dr. Becky from Good Inside talks about guilt:

✔️ Guilt = When we act in a way that doesn’t align with our values.
❌ “Not Guilt” = When we take on someone else’s discomfort or disappointment.

I’m guessing a lot of what you feel is “Not Guilt.”

Your husband is used to the status quo. And now you’re asking him to step up more at home.

💭 Maybe he’s not happy about it.
💭 Maybe he wants to help but isn’t sure how.

Whatever he is feeling, you are not responsible for those feelings.

✅ Yes, you can communicate in a way that feels good for both of you.
✅ Yes, you can support him in stepping up at home, in a way that makes sense for your family.

But you are NOT responsible for his feelings.

This is where good boundaries come in.

I work on boundaries with my clients.

If you’re ready to stop feeling guilty about asking your husband to do more at home, let’s talk.

Sign up for my Share The Load calls today!

Ever feel like it’s easier to do everything yourself?

Fair Play, mindset shift, motivation, routines, time management

Do you hesitate to talk with your husband about redistributing household tasks, feeling like it won’t change anything? It’s easier to do everything yourself.

You’ll still have to remind him to take out the trash or make the kids’ lunches.

It’s easier to keep doing it all yourself, even though you’re exhausted and resentful.

Or, maybe you have talked about it, and things changed for a few weeks but then fell back into the old routine. You were still doing all the invisible work of remembering when it was time to take out the trash, empty the dishwasher, or wash the towels.

You’re not alone in feeling this way. Change is hard, and the status quo has worked for your partner for a long time.

And it’s frustrating to feel like nothing is going to change.

Or that changing things is just one more thing for you to take on.

But if your husband can hold a job, he can take out the trash without reminders.

Yes, this is a process, and sometimes he’ll forget.

This is where a regular check-in helps.

Making sure you’re on the same page as you create new routines and habits is important. Talking through what’s working and what’s not.

It can be a quick check-in over coffee every morning before shuffling the kids to school.

Or weekly dinner dates where you have a long list of things to cover.

Or somewhere in between!

Check-ins are a big part of communicating with your partner, and it’s something we cover in my Share the Load calls.

When to have them, what to talk about, and what NOT to do between check-ins.

It might feel like it’s easier to do everything yourself. But I promise it’s not!

If you’re feeling like nothing is going to change with your partner and are hesitant to have this conversation, let’s talk.

Want to talk with your husband about sharing the load?

Fair Play, mindset shift, motivation

Let’s talk about sharing the load with your husband. Because you’re already communicating about it, let’s do it right!

Me: I know you don’t mean this. But when the dishwasher needs to be emptied and dirty dishes sit on the counter all day, I feel like you’re waiting for me to deal with it.

Husband: No. I’m not thinking about dishes at all. I know one of us will deal with them closer to dinner time. I’m not expecting you to deal with it.

Me: That’s what I thought. It just feels like they’re talking to me. Telling me it’s my responsibility to take care of them, every time I walk through the kitchen.

I used to be resentful about the dishes. I felt like my husband expected me to deal with them. 

I’d walk into the kitchen and see the mess and I felt like the dishes were calling to me. 

Because my job was more flexible, I should have done more household tasks, including cleaning the dishwasher. 

sharing the load

Eventually, I talked with my husband about it. I told him that I felt like the dishes were my responsibility and that I was becoming resentful of having to keep up with them.

He told me he didn’t expect me to do them. He figured one of us would eventually get to them, and he wasn’t really thinking about them at all. 

Yet the problem with expecting someone to eventually get to them doesn’t solve the problem. There’s no clarity and I would still feel responsible. 

So we came up with a plan. Sunday to Saturday, one of us would be in charge of emptying and loading the dishwasher and hand-washing items to be hand-washed. The person also ensured the kitchen was clean enough at night that whoever made breakfast didn’t have to clean the kitchen first. 

Then, we checked in with each other every few weeks to see how it was going. Over time we’ve added on other tasks, like emptying the trash and recycling. 

Maybe this sharing the load sounds like a pipe dream to you. Every time you bring up sharing household tasks, your husband gets defensive.

He shuts down. He claims he’s already doing more than his dad did, so why isn’t it ever enough? Or he is doing plenty of execution tasks but not much of the mental load behind the tasks. 

Maybe things change for a few weeks and then revert to the way it was. 

Or maybe nothing changes. 

This is incredibly frustrating and you have every right to be resentful and angry about it. 

And I want to offer a little hope – how you work together as partners can change. 

Shifting this dynamic is possible. I also have something that might help. 

Because sharing the load isn’t just a fantasy. You can make it a reality. 

Sign up today for my Share The Load calls. It’s two calls where we talk about one task you’d like to share or get off your plate. 

On the first call, we’ll talk about how to approach the conversation and clarify the completion of the task. 

The second call will include how to check in with each other and we’ll discuss any sticky points that came up after the initial conversation. 

You’re already communicating with your partner. Why not do it right? 

It’s time for you to hate the dishes, not each other.

Moms, you are not failing. Society is failing you, and we deserve better.

Fair Play, habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation

This post is me explaining why I do the work I do. Because society is failing moms, and we deserve better.

A parenting book made me cry when my now tween was 2 weeks old. I was exhausted and wondering if I’d ever sleep again. So I turned to a book on sleep for babies that someone had gifted us. According to this book, I was to start this this sleep program on day one. Here we were many days later, and I was already behind. I felt so guilty. I was so tired, I couldn’t see how wrong and unhelpful this advice was and that I hadn’t already messed her up. She would eventually learn to sleep through the night. And I would find the parenting books that did support me on my journey. 

I share this story because society loves to tell moms we’re never doing enough for our kids or ourselves. Our kids need to be in multiple enrichment programs. Keep an eye on their screen time and make sure they have plenty of playdates. They need healthy, home-cooked meals on the table every night. 

We should also be doing plenty of self-care, exercise, and working full-time at a paid job. And our houses should be clean and beautiful, as though no one actually lives there. 

Essentially, no matter what we do, it’s never enough. 

And I’m here to tell you this is all BS. This is wh#$e sup#%macy keeping us in our place. There is no magic mom hack that will make you more productive, keep your house clean, or ensure your kids grow up to be successful (however you want to define that!). You cannot buy the perfect paper planner or download the perfect app to keep you organized. 

Yes, these things can be helpful and some hacks might be useful now and then. And you need to find the parenting books that resonate with you. 

But in the long term, knowing your values, holding boundaries, and sharing the mental load with your partner will be more helpful than any magic productivity hack out there. 

There’s simply too much to do for one person to keep up with. Also, it’s not all on you. Your partner lives with you and is capable of contributing to the household. (So are your kids)

Society is failing moms

Moms have been conditioned to believe that we’re naturally better at caretaking, so we should just do all the household and childcare tasks. Yes, for some women, it might feel incredibly natural. But most of us are simply “better” at it because we’ve had more practice. Because we grew up believing this is what women do. And it feels easier to do it ourselves then to let our partners figure it out. Or have a conversation about sharing the load with them.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that success is a job title, the size of our house and the make of our car. So we feel that our kids need to be in multiple activities, starting at a young age, on the off chance that they’ll get into a “good” school. The good school, of course, leads to a “good” job so they can afford that big house and fancy car. 

This is all BS! Yes, if your kids enjoy their activities, that’s great. And do you enjoy being this busy? If yes, then keep at it! 

This is for those moms who aren’t sure if they’re happy about it but feel obligated to keep their kids busy. I recently spoke with a mom who’s kids Fall and Winter sport seasons overlapped for several weeks. Meaning the kids often had 2 practices every day after school. And they were exhausted. The only person who really wanted this was Dad. Because he was convinced it would lead to a college scholarship down the road. In all likelihood, those kids were going to be burnt out before they even got to college. 

We also buy into this for all the household tasks. Of course your standards are higher than your husbands. You are the one who will be judged for a cluttered or dirty house. For the type of birthday party you throw for your kids. For the holiday magic. That doesn’t mean we can’t fight back against this (join me!). 

So it’s easier for you do it all. Because there’s no way your husband knows how to properly load the dishwasher or what toothpaste to buy for your 5 year old. 

I’m here to tell you if your husband can keep his job, he can load the dishwasher. 

This is why I do the work I do. Because you are not failing. Society is failing you. 

I remember taking a class a few years ago that talked about wh3$te sup$#macy and the four I’s. It started as an Ideology, became baked into our Institutions. It then became a part of how we engage with each other (Interpersonal). And finally, it became Internalized and exists in all of us.  

For me, this means change starts at home. It’s digging into the societal conditioning we’ve all had, men and women. It’s changing the way we share the load with our partner. As we create equity in our household and relationships, we can start to fight for it in society. Through paid care leave, universal health care, affordable and accessible child care, better funded public education and so much more! 

But if we’re too exhausted from everything we have to do around the house (which is where society wants to keep us) than we can’t fight for bigger changes. 

And right now, our communities need us to show up. For ourselves and each other. 

If you’re still reading this, please understand that I’m not asking you to overhaul your life over night. 

I’m asking you to start evaluating what you are saying yes to in your life. Start asking if you want to be this busy or if you’re doing it because you feel that’s what good moms do. 

I question everything. Not because I want everyone else to stop doing it. But because I want us to understand why we do it. 

One way to start is by defining your values. Or identifying what you want life to feel like in this season. Then make sure that everything on your to-do list fits within those values. This can include wanting to teach your kids how to take care of a household in a non-gendered way. And it might start by learning how to communicate with your husband about sharing the load. 

As I write this, the world is literally burning and it feels like society is crumbling around us. Humanity is struggling. So how can we even be talking about who is going to empty the dishwasher and take out the trash. (I know, I haven’t even mentioned these tasks yet, but they’re part of this conversation). Everyone has to eat and someone should probably see if there’s laundry sitting in the washer. 

It’s hard to focus on such mundane and monotonous tasks when everything feels heavy. It seems too big for one person to fix, so let’s start small. 

I look at the work I do, helping couples implement the Fair Play Method, as my part. I’m pulling at a thread of this big mess we need to dismantle. As we all pull at our own threads, we can begin to think of ways to rebuild. Ways to create a new society that supports everyone, not just rich, white men. 

And that starts with equity in the household. If you’re ready to learn more, schedule a call with me – let’s get started. The world is waiting.

P.S. I know this is rambly and maybe doesn’t make sense. I’m sure I got parts of it wrong or didn’t define something clearly. But if you’ve read this far, something must have resonated with you. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Do You Like Things Done A Certain Way?

Fair Play, habits, mindset shift

A friend of mine regularly argued with his wife about loading the dishwasher. She was consistently reloading it after he had filled it. She likes things done a certain way.

He said he would stop loading the dishwasher if she kept redoing what he did. Why should he spend the effort if someone was going to redo it?

Yes, it’s hard when you prefer something to be done a certain way. It might mean that you won’t let others clean the kitchen because you like it done in a specific manner.

But what is that doing to your mental and physical health?

And what happens if it’s done in a different way? If it’s done and you get a break from it, I’d call that a win!

Yes, releasing that control is hard. I get it. It’s also totally worth finding a way, even just a little, to relinquish some of that control.

How amazing would it be to sit on your back porch with a glass of wine or cup of tea while someone else cleans the kitchen?

Or maybe you’re helping your son do his homework while your partner helps your daughter make her lunch.

Imagine how it would feel to not remind everyone what needs to happen!

As you start to implement the Fair Play Method in your household, you get time back in your days. When the ticker tape of tasks constantly running through your brain slows down, you have space to focus on so much more! You have time to practice the piano. Take a dance class. Or sit on the back porch reading a book!

One of the long-term results of this method is that you get time back. You make time for self-care, friendships, and even pursuing hobbies or passions.

Because you are not doing everything, all the time, by yourself.

The Minimum Standard of Care helps you let go of needing tasks completed your way.

This is a conversation around a specific task where you discuss exactly how that task is completed. It is not the person with higher standards getting their way.

It’s finding common ground that you both agree upon. If you cannot agree to the Minimum Standard of Care (MSC), ask yourselves:

  1. Would a reasonable person (in this case, your partner, spouse, babysitter, caregivers, parents, and in-laws) under similar circumstances do as I’ve done?
  2. What is the community standard, and do we want to adopt this standard within our own home?
  3. What’s the harm in doing, or not doing, it this way?
  4. What is our “why”?

You might both need to give a little to meet at a place where you both agree.

Remember, your end goal here is to have less on your plate. To share the mental load with your partner.

The other acronym to remember here is CPE. This stands for Conception, Planning, and Execution.

Because it’s not enough to have your partner only doing the execution of a task. Making dinner twice a week, even when you’re still doing all the meal planning and grocery shopping doesn’t change things.

When one person takes on meal planning, grocery shopping, and dinner making, then things start to shift.

That doesn’t mean that one person is doing that job forever and ever. Daily grind cards shouldn’t always be held by one person.

And you’re not trying to get to 50/50. It’s what feels fair in your family. Mine is going to look different.

Play this game for life. As seasons change in your life, things will shift. Your deck of cards might change. Who does what changes.

Schedule a Get On Track call with me to talk through changing this dynamic in your house.

Parenting Double Standards: Who’s Naturally Better At Taking Care of the Kids?

mindset shift, motivation

Let’s talk about parenting double standards.

Picture this. You send your kids and your partner on a walk to burn off some of that endless energy kids seem to have. Everyone is putting their shoes on to head outside when you hear a meltdown start. Your daughter is crying because she can’t find the right socks.

Do you step in to help because you know which socks she needs? Or hide out in your bedroom because you know your partner can handle it? Maybe you decide you might as well scrap your plans of taking some time for yourself because you’re not sure your partner can handle the kids for a couple of hours.

parenting double standard

I’ve had all of these thoughts go through my head.

I’ve sat in the other room, listening to my husband argue with my kids, trying to get them to do something when they don’t want to. I’ve wondered if I should step in.

I’ve also let him deal with it because he’s their parent too and I know he can handle it.

When my husband or I head out for an evening with friends, the other one is fully in charge of the kids. That means if a meltdown is happening as I head out the door, I leave because my husband is also a parent and can handle it.

I’ve had friends bail on dinner because one of their kids was having a tough time going to bed.

Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. If you feel your kids need you, then give them that attention. But if you’re staying because you don’t think your partner can handle it, let’s talk about that.

There is this parenting double standard in our society. When dads do something, like take their kids to the park, we see it as this hero move. Oh, look at him, spending time with his kids. He’s such a good dad.

Yet, I could guarantee you we don’t say that about moms. When we see a mom at the park, it’s not a big deal. We’ll judge her for being on her phone or not playing with her kids.

But my husband doesn’t babysit. He’s not a hero for taking the kids to the park or sitting down to play Legos with them. He’s a dad. This is what dads do.

If this doesn’t feel true for you, let’s talk. It’s possible your partner hasn’t had the chance to learn how to do this. Maybe he grew up in a household where his mom did all of the childcare and household tasks.

But remember, you and your partner are a team.

It might feel easier if you do everything yourself, but it doesn’t set anyone up for success in the long run. It’s ok if your partner does something differently. Or takes longer. It’s one less thing you don’t need to worry about.

And there might need to be some knowledge transfer here. Maybe some time is spent talking about how to complete certain tasks. Or giving your partner space to learn what it’s like to take the kids to the park for an afternoon. In a way where they get to figure out what works for them.

Everyone benefits When you are not the only one doing everything in your house.

You are less exhausted and overwhelmed. You can get off the hamster wheel.

You will have more energy, spend more quality time with your family, and feel more relaxed.

That sounds like a win-win for everyone.

So let’s start paying attention to how we approach caretaking tasks. To who is doing what around the house. Thinking about how we got there.

And start paying attention to the parenting double standards our society has. Dads are parents. Let’s start treating them as parents.

Want to talk about changing this in your household? Let’s talk.

Are You Tired Of Hosting Birthday Parties?

habits, Help, mindset shift, time management

How do you feel about hosting birthday parties? I recently spoke with someone who always threw large, elaborate birthday parties for her kids. She shared that her daughter shared she didn’t enjoy these big parties. She had never felt comfortable with them.

The mom was frustrated, mostly with herself, because she’d thought her daughter liked them. The mom didn’t enjoy throwing them herself. She’d always found them exhausting.

I share this story because I think we get so caught up in doing what society has conditioned us to do that we don’t take much time to think about what’s important to us and our families.

It just feels easier to do what our neighbors or our community are doing.

And I think we’d save ourselves so much time and stress if we took even a little bit of time to evaluate how we’re spending our time and what’s important to us.

One of the most important steps in the Fair Play Method is discussing values. As you work through the task cards, you talk about why a specific task is important and what it looks like in your life.

Some of these conversations might be quick. For example, taking out the trash probably doesn’t need to be a long conversation. You value a clean kitchen. You value not having bugs in your kitchen. So the trash needs to go out on a regular basis.

But what type of birthday parties do you host? What do specific holidays look like in your house? And do you send out holiday cards?

Those are important because they can take up a lot of time and mental load.

When my husband and I talk to our kids about what activities they want to do over the summer, it often involves ice cream and playing in the backyard with their friends. They’re not wanting big vacations and endless activities.

And yes, planning big vacations can still be a part of your summer. But it’s also possible to make plenty of time for playing in the mud.

Maybe your kid is only playing soccer because everyone else in the neighborhood is doing the same thing. But several families would love to stop. They just don’t feel like they can because it’s the only way the kids are ever together.

What if you were the family that suggested something different? How would that shift things?

I know that discussing values can feel daunting. You feel that you don’t have time. You need to get dinner on the table and find that permission slip for your daughter.

But when you’ve defined your values, it helps in decision-making. It helps you know if you want to take on a specific task or how you are going to make something happen (like birthday parties).

And it gets you and your partner on the same team. It helps both of you understand why something is or is not important to you.

When you and your partner understand what’s important to the other person, you get to start creating a life that fits that.

Because you can ask yourself if an activity or task fits with those values. And if the answer is no, can you skip that activity?

Taking the time, over several weeks, to hold this conversation saves you time in the long run.

It gets you off the hamster wheel. It gets you focused on what’s important to you and your family. And over time, it gives you time back in your days!

Are you ready? Let’s get started. ​Here is a link to a worksheet to help define your values​!

If you want to talk through defining your values, schedule a call with me.

You Do Not Have To Be The One Doing Everything!

Help, mindset shift, motivation, routines

Ever feel like things don’t happen in your household unless you do them or spend time reminding others to do them?

reminding others

It’s like no one takes out the trash unless you remind someone to take it out. You’re the only one putting away laundry and making sure the pantry has the right snacks.

After a while, this gets exhausting and frustrating. And it likely builds up some resentment. You don’t want to be doing everything by yourself. You’re wondering why your partner doesn’t see that you need help.

Wondering why he doesn’t see all of the hard work you put into making sure everyone has what they need. Your daughter is registered for track and she has the right shoes. Your son is registered for his hip-hop class and has a ride to and from the class.

That the toilet paper your husband likes is in the bathroom. So is his favorite toothpaste.

You probably feel like if you ran away for the week, no one would take their vitamins, buy ketchup, or remember to feed the fish.

What if I told you that others can complete household tasks without you reminding others to do something? Or doing it yourself because that feels easier.

No, it doesn’t have to be all on you. It is possible.

Without post-it notes on the bathroom mirror.

Or threatening to throw out clothes that don’t make it in the dirty clothes hamper.

It is possible to know the kitchen is clean at the end of the day. And you are not the one to come in at 9 pm and finish it up (or do it all).

The secret to creating this shift is getting you and your partner on the same team.

I hear you rolling your eyes at me. I know you are currently the household manager, making sure everything happens when it should. And you’re worried that if you change this, things will fall apart.

But what if I told you there is a way to communicate what needs to happen in a manner that gets your partner to listen? That gets you on the same team. No more reminding others in the house to take out the trash.

This isn’t where one person manages everything. This is where each person takes on specific tasks and completes them from beginning to end without reminders.

You know that tasks are being taken care of and you can stop feeling like you have 75 open tabs in your brain.

This is the magic of the Fair Play Method. It works. And it can work for you too.

It’s a way for you to start letting go of some of the mental load. In a way that gets your partner involved (and maybe even your kids!).

It is possible and there is hope.

It all starts with a conversation. I know this sounds simple and maybe too good to be true.

Start by reading the Fair Play Conversation Starter Playbook.

Get that first conversation with your partner on the calendar. Then, we can take the next steps together.

How To Feel Less Overwhelmed By Saying Yes To The Right Things, Not Everything!

habits, mindset shift, time management

Do you ever feel like you say yes to everything and end up regretting it? It’s easy to feel ovewhelmed when we say yes to everything! We suddenly find that we have too much going on and start to feel pulled in too many directions. Let’s talk about how to feel less overwhelmed by saying yes to the right things, not all the things!

When we know our commitments, it’s easier to say yes or no to something. If it’s a work project, we can talk about renegotiating deadlines. If it’s a volunteer commitment, we know if we have the time to give. If it’s our kids asking to do one more activity, we can talk about whether it makes sense or will lead to more overwhelm.

How many things have you said yes to in your life because you:

what are you escaping
  1. Didn’t know how to say no at the moment?
  2. Felt obligated to do it even though you really didn’t want to?
  3. Automatically say yes without even thinking about it because you don’t want to disappoint someone?

Remember that every time you say yes to something you are saying no to something else.

And sometimes we have to say no to something that seems like a great opportunity because we know that there’s a better one out there. (Or, we know we need to leave breathing room in our schedules). Make sure that yes is worth it.

When you learn to say no to something that doesn’t work for you, it’s the first step in learning how to feel less overwhelmed. Because life feels like you have some breathing room.

I want you to design a life that you don’t need to escape from. One that doesn’t have you dreading every Monday. Where you aren’t resentful of the activities you and your family are committed to outside of work and school.

It’s a life full of activities and tasks that deserve to be there. It’s full of heck yes’s!

This takes time and reflection, both of which I know you feel you don’t have enough.

But we can change that, together! Sign up for my private podcast today!

It’s time for you to go to bed. Yes, I’m talking to you, mom.

habits, mindset shift, motivation, routines

That’s right. Mom, you need to go to bed. No more doom scrolling. Or promising you’ll go to bed after this next episode. I want you to brush your teeth, wash your face, and go to bed. Leave your phone in the other room. Mom, it’s time for you to go to bed.

Sleep is important. If you’ve been skimping on sleep because you feel overwhelmed by everything you must do, stop it. Sleep (and taking breaks) actually helps you get more done each day.

When you’re tired, you’re not efficient.

You make mistakes.

You’re slower both physically and mentally.

So go to bed.

Also, you deserve rest, regardless of how productive you are.

Before you go to bed though, spend some time thinking about your evening routines. What can you do at night to make your mornings better? Pack lunches? Pack backpacks and work bags? Set out breakfast?

go to bed bedside

Ok. Once you’re getting some sleep, start thinking about your morning routines. Are you getting up earlier than your kids? What needs to happen in the morning to make the rest of your day easier? Run the dishwasher? Put dinner in the crockpot?

Spending some time getting your morning and evening routines working helps make the rest of your days easier!

If you want to talk through your routines, schedule a Get On Track Call with me.

I Don’t Have Time For This!

mindset shift, routines

Do you keep appointments you make for yourself?

What about making time to do those things that aren’t high priorities but are things you’d like to do someday?

The things you know would make you happy or contribute to society in some way, but you’re too busy cleaning the house, completing work tasks, and entertaining the kids to get to?

I don't have time for this

What if you made appointments with yourself that you kept as strictly as you would a client meeting, doctor’s appointment, or coffee with a friend?

I’ve had several people ask me how to make time for things they’d like to do but aren’t high priorities. Taking digital classes (personal or professional), volunteering, and doing things outside of chore and work lists.

I suggest spending just 30 minutes taking a class. It’s not much, but over time you will make progress. Treat the time you schedule for yourself with as much respect as you would a client appointment or coffee with a friend.

Another suggestion includes letting go of the need to keep up with all the household tasks all the time. I’m not saying let your house grow mold. But what if you spend one afternoon a month volunteering? Your house isn’t going to fall apart during that time. Volunteering can be something social, where you meet new people. It can be something you do as a family.

And at the end of your life, you’re not going to remember having a spotless, well-maintained home. Or how many things you crossed off your task list. You’re going to remember the things you did with your family and friends. The experiences you created.

I’m not saying you should skip out on your priorities. But we also need to make time for ourselves and time for fun. And it’s ok to schedule it. You should schedule it, otherwise, it’s not going to happen.

And, when you take breaks from your task list, you just might find yourself more productive when you come back to it. You might find that doing something else helps you solve some big client problem or gives you an idea for something at work.

Your future self will thank you!

Your Worth Is More Than Your To-do List.

mindset shift, motivation, time management

That’s right, you are not your to-do list!

Our society tells moms their worth is wrapped up in how much they get done each day.

I’m here to tell you that it’s not.

Mom, your worth has nothing to do with how clean and organized your house is.

you are not your to-do list

It has nothing to do with how much you get done each day.

Your worth is not connected to the activities your kids do each week or how good they are at any of them.

It doesn’t matter if your kid’s clothes match when they leave the house (or if they brushed their hair).

I’m telling you that you are not your to-do list.

Mom, you are worthy simply because of who you are.

Check out my private podcast where I talk about this and more!

We talk about things like: 

  • Moms do too much!
  • Productivity hacks will only get you so far.
  • How to build a life you don’t want to run away from.
  • How to channel your inner toddler and ask WHY?!

Each episode is less than five minutes so you can listen to it In The School Pick-Up Line!

You can access this secret podcast and receive weekly mini-lessons to stop doing ALL THE THINGS yourself.  

Or, dive into my Stride Together Program. Tips, tricks, ideas, and community!

How To Gain Control Over Your To-Do List

mindset shift, motivation, time management

I’m sitting at my desk getting ready to gain control over my to-do list.

My to-do list for today has more than work tasks listed. I need to change the sheets, get my kids signed up for swim lessons, and schedule a dentist appointment.

One of the reasons moms are so exhausted is they’re never only focusing on work or only focusing on their kids.

You are constantly switching between tasks. And that constant switching is exhausting. Many things are rolling through your brain. (Hello, Mental load!)

You likely thought of 6 things you need to do today just while reading this!

The mental labor of keeping a household running is exhausting and overwhelming.

So, what can we do about it? How do you gain control over your to-do list?

First, start with a brain dump. Get all the tasks and ideas out of your head. Your brain was not meant to hold more than 4-5 ideas at a time. You don’t need to remember that you need toothpaste, write it down and stop thinking about it!

one to the next

This step alone is helpful. And it can be overwhelming to see all those tasks listed in front of you. You don’t have to do all those tasks today! I promise.

Documenting your tasks helps you categorize them. So you can run all your errands at once instead of going to the grocery store or Target 5 times over 2 weeks.

The other tip I have for you is time blocking. Have certain times of the week or day when you complete certain tasks. Monday mornings are blocked off for all my marketing tasks. I have a checklist of everything I need to do. I block time on my calendar so that people can’t schedule appointments with me until after 10am. This way, I can sit down and work my way through my checklist.

Same for laundry. I have certain days of the week I do laundry. I’ll do the occasional load if necessary. But if your laundry isn’t in the laundry basket when laundry is done, it isn’t getting clean!

What can you time block for yourself this week? It could be a work task or a household chore.

And if you want help in gaining control, let’s talk about it together!

Let’s Talk Double Standards in Parenting. Dads Don’t Babysit.

Help, mindset shift, routines, time management

Enough With The Double Standards in Parenting. Dads Don’t Babysit. Let’s talk about the double standards of parenting.

When you see a dad at the playground with his kids, what’s the first thing that goes through your head? Is it different than what you’d think about a mom at the playground?

When your partner takes care of the kids for an afternoon while you run errands or hang out with some girlfriends, what is going through your mind?

double standards in parenting

When I or my husband heads out for an evening with friends, the other one is fully in charge of the kids. That means if there’s a meltdown happening as I head out the door, I leave. Because my husband is also a parent and he can handle it. But I’ve had friends bail on dinner because one of their kids was having a tough time going to bed.

Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. If you feel your kids need you, then give them that attention.

But if you’re staying because you don’t think your partner can handle it, let’s talk about that.

There is this double standard in our society. When dads do something like take their kids to the park, we see it as this hero move. Oh, look at him, spending time with his kids. He’s such a good dad.

Yet, I could guarantee you we don’t say that about moms. When we see a mom at the park, it’s not a big deal. We’ll judge her for being on her phone or not playing with her kids. Maybe the kid falls down – it’s the mom’s fault. Not just what kids do.

My husband doesn’t babysit. He’s not a hero for taking the kids to the park or sitting down to play legos with them. He’s a dad. This is what parents do.

I’ll stay off my soap box for how our society has created this mess and how we feed right into it as parents.

But remember this, dads don’t babysit!

Too Busy to Know What We Want. Busy As A Defense Mechanism.

mindset shift, time management

“Busy is just a euphemism for being so focused on what you don’t have that you never notice what you do. It’s a defense mechanism. Because if you stop hustling—if you pause—you start wondering why you ever thought you wanted all those things.” ― Jodi Picoult, Wish You Were Here

Do you use the word busy as A defense mechanism? Not being busy brings up so many feelings that it’s easier to keep being busy. Keeping up with our neighbors. Doing all the things because that’s what we think we should be doing. And we’re scared if we stop we’ll realize that this isn’t the life we want at all.

I was talking with several parents about all the after-school activities they were doing. Someone said she does all the activities because everyone else in her neighborhood does too. What if she skipped out on soccer and her kids missed out on spending time with the other kids on the block?

And while I can understand that mentality, what if other parents are doing the same thing? What if out of five families on the block, only 2 enjoy soccer? And the others are doing it because they feel that’s the only way for their kids to have friends or spend time with others?

What if one of them stopped for a season? Chose a different activity? Or let the kids ride their bikes instead of attending a structured activity?

Jumping off the hamster wheel can be scary.

It’s easy to fall into this pattern of doing what we’ve always done. Of taking on the activities of those around us. Believing that by cultivating our kid’s skills they will grow up to be successful adults.

And we don’t spend much time thinking about it because we feel we don’t have the luxury of that time.

Our society has us constantly striving for the next best thing. We rarely take the time to evaluate what we’re doing and if it’s what we really want.

Let’s stop being busy as a defense mechanism.

My challenge for you this week is to take even a few minutes and evaluate all the activities in your life.

  • Think about how you want to be living your life. What do you want your days to look like? What memories do you want to have when you look back on your kids’ childhoods?
  • Write down all the activities you and your family are doing (outside of school and work).
  • Do these activities fit within what you want your life to look like?
    • If yes, great!
    • If not, how can you let them go?

By taking the time to evaluate the activities in your life, you will likely find something you can let go of. You’ll get some time back in your schedule to focus on something you truly want to be doing.

You’ll find that there isn’t clutter in every crevice of your day!

And your future self will thank you!

P.S. Ready to take this further? Schedule a Get on Track call.

Are Your Kids Too Busy For You To Make Friends?

habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.” ― Tina Fey, Bossypants

Are your kids too busy for you to get together with your friends? Read on for some ideas!

I was sitting on the playground recently, watching my kids play and listening to a group of parents talk about how hard it was to get together with their friends.

A dad was describing this long text thread of trying to get together with a friend to go rock-climbing. They live 30 minutes away from great climbing, but could not find a time when they were both free at the same time.

kids too busy

Same story for a mom trying to make plans with some girlfriends.

There were all the activities that the kids were doing. Soccer. Piano. Swim lessons. Dance. Gymnastics. Tuesdays and Thursdays were out. Saturdays too because that’s when the games are. And the multitude of birthday parties and other kid-centered activities that happen.

If there’s more than one kid, the activities likely fall on different days, so there goes most weekdays.

And I say there thinking to myself – it doesn’t have to be this hard, does it? It shouldn’t be this hard to make time to see our friends. Why do we design our lives to revolve around our children?

Society has led us to believe that we need to do everything for our children and keep them fully entertained all the time. That it’s selfish for us to do anything for ourselves.

Play dates. Sports. Music. They must be achieving and growing.

What happened to kids entertaining themselves while mom and dad sit and have a quiet cup of coffee together?

What would happen if you said no to a birthday party and instead spent some time with your family? Or hired a babysitter (or a neighbor) to watch your kid(s) while you and a friend went and took a walk or went for a cup of coffee?

What if each family member took one activity off their plate for the next few months? What would that extra time do for all of you?

You can design a life you love. Not one that’s requiring you to respond to stress with the torpor of a possum.

What would you let go of today to make more time for your friends?

Your future self will thank you!

Sign up for my private podcast to take the next step in what to do when your kids are too busy!

Are You Wearing Yourself Out Trying To Be Perfect?

Help, mindset shift, routines, time management

Do you have such high expectations of yourself that you feel like you are never living up to them?

Ever feel like you are constantly trying to be perfect and it’s never enough?

Maybe you spend time late at night cleaning the house so it’s organized and clean all the time.

Or you stay up late perfecting a report for work, a presentation you’re giving, or an email you need to send a client.

Maybe you worry that you’re not doing enough for your kids. That they’re not in the right activities that are going to get them in to the right college.

And you feel like it’s never enough and that you are failing every day.

It seems like if we don’t meet our expectations, we question ourselves, not the expectations.

When maybe it’s our expectations that are the problem.

I think it’s society that’s setting us up for failure.

One of the things I focus on in my client work is designing a life that you want. Not living like society or social media tells you.

But focusing on what’s important to you and your family.

Instead of striving for some version of perfect that society is telling you to strive for, clarify your own version of success.

trying to be perfect

What are your goals? And what small step can you take today to move toward them?

What short-term tasks can you let go of to focus on a long-term goal? It might be letting the laundry sit for another day while you do some research on spending a summer in a foreign country. It could be hiring someone to deep clean your house once a month so you can spend time hiking with your family.

Ask yourself if the world will stop spinning if the task isn’t done perfectly. I’m guessing the answer is no. So maybe good enough or done is OK.

Don’t waste your days living someone else’s life!

Define your own success!

If you’re ready to figure this out in your own life, schedule a Get On Track call.

Or, sign up for my private podcast.