Stop Playing Dishwasher Tetris After Your Husband Loaded It
It’s time to learn to share the mental load
You’re already communicating with your partner. Why not do it right?
Your partner isn’t a mind-reader, as amazing as that would be!
So let’s find a way to communicate in a way that gets both of you on the same team.
Because this is more than arguing about the dishes. This is about being seen, appreciated, and understood.
Yes, someone still needs to do the dishes. But having clear communication around them instead of mumbling under your breath as you deal with them yet again is much more effective!
Sign up today for my Share The Load Calls. Two calls to get you and your partner on the same team.
- On the first call, we’ll discuss one task you’d like to share with your partner. We’ll talk about how to approach the conversation, how to clarify the task from conception to execution, and how to get your husband to take over a task.
- Then you’ll implement what we discussed and work with your partner on this task.
- The second call happens about 2 weeks later. We’ll discuss any sticky points that came up after the conversation. We’ll talk about how to keep the momentum going and how to have check-ins with your partner.
Sharing the load isn’t just a fantasy. You can make it a reality.
Why is this on you to make these changes?
This is a valid feeling. Of course it feels like one more thing for you to do. You have enough on your plate already. Plus, maybe your husband gets defensive when you talk about this stuff (or you’re worried he will).
But would you still be reading this if you weren’t ready for something to change, even a little?
We’ll start small. One task. That’s it. My husband and I started with the dishwasher. And let me tell you, it had a big impact on our relationship and my time!
When tasks are clarified it’s easier to plan your day. You know what’s going to happen (and can handle a glitch in the matrix, such as a sick kid or snow day)
More intention around who is doing what with the kids and household tasks makes it easier to focus on your goals and priorities. Not just the endless household and childcare tasks.
Think about how it would feel to share the mental load…
- When you’re not the only one doing everything around the house, you have time to focus on your own goals. This might sound like a pipe dream, but it does happen. I’ve seen it!
- You can start running your household (and life!) in a new way that improves your mental health and overall well-being…without compromising the needs of your kids!
- All of this leads to not being overwhelmed when life throws changes your way. You got this! You know how to evaluate what’s working and what’s not and shift routines and systems as needed.
- Plus, think about the example you are setting for your kids when they see a mom who takes time to learn Spanish, is present with her kids, and isn’t the only one making dinner for everyone.
Yes, this might feel overwhelming and scary. It feels easier to keep doing things how you’ve always done them.
What if you make him defensive or mad? What if things change for a while and then you slip back into the same patterns? (Trust me, this might happen. And we’ll talk about how to get back on track if it does).
Yes, this might feel hard. It takes effort. We weren’t taught these skills. We were conditioned to believe that women are natural caretakers. Really, you’re a “better” caretaker because you’ve had more practice. And, if your partner can keep a job, he can learn to load the dishwasher.
I’m here to support you and your partner along the journey!
Hi, I’m Valerie. I believe equity starts in the home.
Mother of 2. Wife. Friend. Productivity and Time Management Expert. Certified Fair Play Method Facilitator. Owner of Stride Productivity. Dark chocolate, dry wine, and dark-roast coffee lover. List maker and post-it note fanatic.
Here’s what I know about you.
You’re exhausted. Resentful. You want to do fun things with your family without stressing about all the other tasks that need to happen.
You want to go to bed at night feeling like you worked on your goals/priorities.
You want to collaborate more and communicate better with your partner.
You’re tired of asking for someone to take out the trash, only to do it yourself because it didn’t happen when you asked.
You know you want something different for your kids.
You know your family deserves a mom who isn’t exhausted and overwhelmed. Who isn’t full of resentment.
I believe that equity starts in the home. When we get our families involved in household tasks. When running a household that doesn’t rely only on mom.
When we start to make these changes, we have time to figure out who we are outside of being a parent, professional, and partner. We get to be whole people.
You and your partner start speaking the same language. There are clearly defined roles and expectations about who is doing what.
You have guilt-free time to pursue friendships and personal interests.
You are happier. Your family is happier.
I promise, your future self will thank you. Are you ready?
Ready to share the load?
Valerie helped me identify where my time was going, what was working, and what wasn’t. She helped me create simple ways to better manage my to-do list and identify my priorities. I recommend working with Valerie if your to-do list and schedule is overwhelming!
SG, Littleton, CO
Got questions? I’ve got answers!
This is a valid concern! The status quo has been working for your family for a long time. Change is hard, especially if it feels like it’s going to be more work for them.
We can work together on ways to bring this to your partner outside of these calls. It’s not you against your partner. It’s you and your partner against the endless tasks of caring for children and a household.
You could watch the Fair Play documentary together first and see if that opens up any discussion around this topic.
And, if there’s still resistance, I can refer you to a couples counselor. We all need outside help sometimes!
Maybe you understand that this method would be helpful but still feel like it’s a big leap to change things. It takes work to change the status quo. It feels easier to do everything yourself than expecting your husband to step up.
Think about where you will be in 3 months or 6 months if you change nothing.
What if gifting yourself this time now gives you more time in the future? Time to relax, play with your kids, and work together as a team in your household.
And if it helps, think of this as a gift to your family.
No refunds once booked. You have 6 months to hold both calls.
Make no mistake…
You can continue doing things the way you are. You can say you have no time to show up to these calls. You don’t think your family will ever get on board with something like the Fair Play Method. Even if they start doing more, it’ll still end up falling on you to remind them! Or redoing something because they half-as#$% it.
But would you have read this far if you didn’t want something to change?
You don’t want to spend your days reminding your family to empty the dishwasher. Or grumbling about the trash because no one took it out and the garbage truck just rolled by.
So, what happens if you do nothing now? Where will you be in 3 months, 6 months, a year? The same overwhelmed place? Or knowing that tasks are being taken care of by everyone in the house. And it’s not on you to remind them! Now, you feel like you have time to do something for yourself. To play games with your kids, to travel, to do all the fun things you desire.
You can continue to feel resentful, exhausted, and overwhelmed.
Or, you can
- Share the mental load with your family! Because it’s not all on you!
- Start spending your days focusing on the right tasks. Getting things done that need to happen. And having time for fun and yourself.
- Spend your evening with your family or out on a date with your partner (or even by yourself!). Feeling accomplished from the day. Feeling free from guilt!
- Have routines and systems that move you closer to your goals and keep those daily tasks from piling up. (Groceries are ordered. Laundry is dealt with. Emails are processed.)