Category Archives: habits

Do You Like Things Done A Certain Way?

Fair Play, habits, mindset shift

A friend of mine regularly argued with his wife about loading the dishwasher. She was consistently reloading it after he had filled it. She likes things done a certain way.

He said he would stop loading the dishwasher if she kept redoing what he did. Why should he spend the effort if someone was going to redo it?

Yes, it’s hard when you prefer something to be done a certain way. It might mean that you won’t let others clean the kitchen because you like it done in a specific manner.

But what is that doing to your mental and physical health?

And what happens if it’s done in a different way? If it’s done and you get a break from it, I’d call that a win!

Yes, releasing that control is hard. I get it. It’s also totally worth finding a way, even just a little, to relinquish some of that control.

How amazing would it be to sit on your back porch with a glass of wine or cup of tea while someone else cleans the kitchen?

Or maybe you’re helping your son do his homework while your partner helps your daughter make her lunch.

Imagine how it would feel to not remind everyone what needs to happen!

As you start to implement the Fair Play Method in your household, you get time back in your days. When the ticker tape of tasks constantly running through your brain slows down, you have space to focus on so much more! You have time to practice the piano. Take a dance class. Or sit on the back porch reading a book!

One of the long-term results of this method is that you get time back. You make time for self-care, friendships, and even pursuing hobbies or passions.

Because you are not doing everything, all the time, by yourself.

The Minimum Standard of Care helps you let go of needing tasks completed your way.

This is a conversation around a specific task where you discuss exactly how that task is completed. It is not the person with higher standards getting their way.

It’s finding common ground that you both agree upon. If you cannot agree to the Minimum Standard of Care (MSC), ask yourselves:

  1. Would a reasonable person (in this case, your partner, spouse, babysitter, caregivers, parents, and in-laws) under similar circumstances do as I’ve done?
  2. What is the community standard, and do we want to adopt this standard within our own home?
  3. What’s the harm in doing, or not doing, it this way?
  4. What is our “why”?

You might both need to give a little to meet at a place where you both agree.

Remember, your end goal here is to have less on your plate. To share the mental load with your partner.

The other acronym to remember here is CPE. This stands for Conception, Planning, and Execution.

Because it’s not enough to have your partner only doing the execution of a task. Making dinner twice a week, even when you’re still doing all the meal planning and grocery shopping doesn’t change things.

When one person takes on meal planning, grocery shopping, and dinner making, then things start to shift.

That doesn’t mean that one person is doing that job forever and ever. Daily grind cards shouldn’t always be held by one person.

And you’re not trying to get to 50/50. It’s what feels fair in your family. Mine is going to look different.

Play this game for life. As seasons change in your life, things will shift. Your deck of cards might change. Who does what changes.

Schedule a Get On Track call with me to talk through changing this dynamic in your house.

Are You Tired Of Hosting Birthday Parties?

habits, Help, mindset shift, time management

How do you feel about hosting birthday parties? I recently spoke with someone who always threw large, elaborate birthday parties for her kids. She shared that her daughter shared she didn’t enjoy these big parties. She had never felt comfortable with them.

The mom was frustrated, mostly with herself, because she’d thought her daughter liked them. The mom didn’t enjoy throwing them herself. She’d always found them exhausting.

I share this story because I think we get so caught up in doing what society has conditioned us to do that we don’t take much time to think about what’s important to us and our families.

It just feels easier to do what our neighbors or our community are doing.

And I think we’d save ourselves so much time and stress if we took even a little bit of time to evaluate how we’re spending our time and what’s important to us.

One of the most important steps in the Fair Play Method is discussing values. As you work through the task cards, you talk about why a specific task is important and what it looks like in your life.

Some of these conversations might be quick. For example, taking out the trash probably doesn’t need to be a long conversation. You value a clean kitchen. You value not having bugs in your kitchen. So the trash needs to go out on a regular basis.

But what type of birthday parties do you host? What do specific holidays look like in your house? And do you send out holiday cards?

Those are important because they can take up a lot of time and mental load.

When my husband and I talk to our kids about what activities they want to do over the summer, it often involves ice cream and playing in the backyard with their friends. They’re not wanting big vacations and endless activities.

And yes, planning big vacations can still be a part of your summer. But it’s also possible to make plenty of time for playing in the mud.

Maybe your kid is only playing soccer because everyone else in the neighborhood is doing the same thing. But several families would love to stop. They just don’t feel like they can because it’s the only way the kids are ever together.

What if you were the family that suggested something different? How would that shift things?

I know that discussing values can feel daunting. You feel that you don’t have time. You need to get dinner on the table and find that permission slip for your daughter.

But when you’ve defined your values, it helps in decision-making. It helps you know if you want to take on a specific task or how you are going to make something happen (like birthday parties).

And it gets you and your partner on the same team. It helps both of you understand why something is or is not important to you.

When you and your partner understand what’s important to the other person, you get to start creating a life that fits that.

Because you can ask yourself if an activity or task fits with those values. And if the answer is no, can you skip that activity?

Taking the time, over several weeks, to hold this conversation saves you time in the long run.

It gets you off the hamster wheel. It gets you focused on what’s important to you and your family. And over time, it gives you time back in your days!

Are you ready? Let’s get started. ​Here is a link to a worksheet to help define your values​!

If you want to talk through defining your values, schedule a call with me.

It’s Time to Stop Being The One in Charge of Everything

habits, motivation

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you were not the only one remembering to walk the dog, empty the dishwasher, or defrost the chicken for dinner? If you weren’t in charge of everything!?

Sound too good to be true? It is possible!

The Fair Play Method is here to help. It takes you out of being the household manager in your home. You don’t have to be the only person in charge of all the tasks.

The method is based on a book by Eve Rodsky. It’s one of my favorite tools for dealing with the invisible and mental load of motherhood. If you’re still reading these emails, you’ve probably read the book! You might even own the deck of cards!

This method sets you and your partner up for success in both parenting and managing the household.

It’s a way for you and your partner to work together as a team, without one person being the household manager.

Essentially, each person takes on full ownership of specific tasks.

It’s not one person telling everyone else what to do.

One person is in charge of making sure the trash is taken out each week. Or the dishes are dealt with each day.

Let me share an example.

My husband and I both work from home. My husband likes to cook. We have 2 kids. There are a lot of dishes. There are days we run the dishwasher twice a day.

My desk is right next to the kitchen so I spend a lot of time staring at dirty dishes.

And for a while, it felt like they were taunting me. Telling me it was my responsibility to deal with them.

My husband and I talked about who was responsible for the dishes. I felt like he was waiting for me to deal with them.

In reality, he wasn’t thinking about dishes. He knew that one of us would deal with them by the end of the day.

So we came up with a plan. Sunday through Saturday, one of us is entirely in charge of the dishes. Both loading and unloading the dishwasher and hand washing anything that needs to be hand-washed. The other person will help clean up a meal and wipe down counters when necessary. But one person is responsible for the dishwasher.

Our only rule is that by Sunday morning, all dishes from the previous week are clean.

Now, this might not work for you. You might need to trade more often.

Both partners agree on what a completed task looks like. The minimum standard of care guides this conversation.

Using Fair Play helps you move from being the default parent to sharing the load with your partner.

It helps you prioritize your to-do list, establish routines and habits, and spend more quality time with your family. And it helps you feel more relaxed and maybe even find that elusive sense of balance.

Now, maybe you’re thinking that you don’t have time for this. You just need to get these tasks done.

I promise that if you implement the Fair Play method in your house, you will have more time.

It gives you time to rediscover who you are outside of being a parent, partner, and professional.

You will no longer be the exhausted, resentful person you have been.

It starts with an invitation to talk with your partner. That’s all.

And I know that’s not easy. But I promise you it’s worth it.

This first conversation can simply be about how you’ve been feeling and that you’ve discovered a tool to change things. And talking with your partner about how open they are to try this tool.

Have you started this conversation with your partner? Start here if you’re struggling. Or schedule a call with me to talk through getting started!

How To Look at Your Time Like A Closet

Closets, habits, motivation, time management

Yes, I am asking you to look at your time like a closet.

When your closet is overflowing, it’s hard to find what you need. Some days you want to slam the door and walk away. Not getting dressed at all.

Just like a packed schedule makes it hard to focus on what’s next. Or deal with a glitch in the system like a sick kid, flat tire, or snow day.

When your closet is organized, you can find what you need.

look at your time

And when your calendar has white space, you can deal with the unexpected.

It’s hard to get excited for the day when the calendar is cluttered with tasks and activities that you don’t feel good about.

Or when your task list feels too long and the day too short.

When your calendar has white space, you can see what’s going on. And if the activities are (mostly) things you want to be doing, you’re a bit more motivated.

If the task list is (mostly) full of tasks that you know are moving you forward in your life, it’s easier to tackle them. Even if it is dealing with a pile of laundry or dishes.

When you take the time to clear items from your closet, you can find what you need and you’re excited to get dressed. Or, at least, it’s a bit easier to get dressed when you’re not being attacked by a pile of sweaters you no longer wear.

The same goes for your calendar. Life feels better when you fill your calendar with activities that you and your family enjoy.

When you are taking steps toward completing a big goal, whether for your business or personal life, you’re more motivated.

You are then able to end your days feeling a bit more at peace. Knowing you are making things happen. Not just spinning your wheels every day.

Yes, there are things like laundry, dishes, and cleaning toilets. These things just need to happen. But knowing that you are also learning Spanish so your family can spend some time in a Spanish-speaking country? Or you are practicing your public speaking skills for the next big presentation at work? Makes cleaning those toilets a little bit easier.

The next time you add something to your calendar, ask yourself if it fits.

If you feel like your calendar or to-do list is bursting at the seams, maybe we should chat! This is the work I do with my clients.

This is also one of the things I love about the Fair Play Method. One of the first conversations you have includes discussing what’s important to you and your family with your partner.

I know that this feels big and heavy. If defining your values feels like too much, maybe you start by thinking about what you want your kids’ childhood to look like. Pretend they’re heading off to college and you’re reminiscing about their childhood. What sticks out for you? What were the activities and moments you want to remember?

It likely isn’t how clean and organized your house is or how efficient you made it through your to-do list.

It’s the games and pizza night you have every Thursday. The afternoons spent at your neighborhood pool. It’s the movies and hot cocoa on snow days. Little moments that we overlook because we feel that we need to do everything on a grand, magical scale.

I know, this all feels impossible when you have piles of laundry that seem to get bigger and you don’t remember when you last cleaned out your pantry. Plus, work emails keep flooding your inbox and you feel like you’re never going to get caught up, let alone ahead.

This week, take 10 minutes to talk with your partner about what’s important to you and your family. If your kids are old enough, talk with them about this too. It doesn’t have to be a big, in-depth conversation. It can be asking everyone to define one thing that’s important to them. Or to talk about what they want the next 3-6 months to look and feel like. It’s ok to keep it simple.

Let’s talk about laundry and why it never ends.

habits, routines, time management

Ever feel like you are always doing laundry? 

There’s always laundry. In the dirty laundry hamper, the dryer, and the clean clothes hamper. 

There’s probably a pile somewhere you’ve forgotten about. 

Laundry is cyclical. You’ll never really be done with it. 

And that’s ok. It means you can take a breath and maybe not be quite so overwhelmed by laundry.

As long as everyone in your family has clean clothes every day (most days?) you are on top of your laundry. 

When my oldest was born, I never folded my sheets. I washed them regularly. But the 2nd set was always shoved in the closet instead of neatly folded. I was too tired and did not care. No one was digging through my closets judging how near and organized it was. And I figured if Martha Stewart came to visit, she could fold my sheets. 

Let’s take a few minutes to talk about laundry and how best to feel on top of it. 

Start by asking yourself the following questions: 

  • How often do I need to do laundry? (One load a day?) (twice a week?) I wash clothes one day a week and sheets and towels on another day. I have a friend who does one load each day. Try different routines to see what works and feels doable.
  • How long does each step take? Time yourself. Sometimes that laundry basket feels like a big project but only takes 5 minutes. How long do each of the following steps take:
    • Sorting
    • Putting in washer/washing 
    • Putting in dryer/drying 
    • Hanging up anything that needs to air-dry
    • Folding
    • Putting away
  • Who else can help? 

Get Your Kids Involved!

My kids are learning to do their laundry. My 11-year-old can do it herself without my help and my 9-year-old needs support. 

laundry

One of my kids lives out of her clean clothes basket because she doesn’t like putting away her clothes. She knows how to put away her laundry. She has no interest in doing it. My goal is not to require her to put away her laundry every week but to know how to put it away when she’s ready. 

I prefer putting my clothes away the day I wash them because I dislike sorting through the laundry basket or dryer trying to find what I’m looking for. 

Get kids involved when they’re little. You don’t need to fold little kid clothes. Sort by type and put in a drawer. Toddlers can learn to sort laundry by shirts / pants / socks. 

If you feel your partner can’t wash laundry because he’ll likely shrink something, separate your delicates from the rest of the clothes. I have a separate basket for things to hang dry. I have enough that I do a separate load of delicates. But if there’s not enough for a separate load, use a mesh bag. Everything to hang dry goes in the mesh bag. Your partner can learn that the mesh bag means items to be hung up to dry. He is capable of this. 

You can also use mesh bags to keep socks together. 

Don’t use hampers with lids. Make it as easy as possible to put dirty laundry in the hamper. Lids add an extra step. 

If it is important to you and worth your time to have your closets perfectly organized and Pinterest-worthy, go for it. 

I’m going to suggest that you, make it as easy as possible to put clothes away. Use baskets (without lids). Have a drawer for all your workout gear. 

I have one kid who prefers hanging up her shirts. My other kid does not. I’m not a fan of hanging up shirts. But I recently started folding my shirts Marie-Kondo style, so they sit like file folders on the shelf. It’s easier than I expected and my shirts stay organized. 

There will always be laundry. So take some time this week to figure out how to make it work best for you and your family. 

It doesn’t have to be something that’s weighing you down! 

Want help with your laundry routine? Sign up for a Get On Track Call today!

How To Feel Less Overwhelmed By Saying Yes To The Right Things, Not Everything!

habits, mindset shift, time management

Do you ever feel like you say yes to everything and end up regretting it? It’s easy to feel ovewhelmed when we say yes to everything! We suddenly find that we have too much going on and start to feel pulled in too many directions. Let’s talk about how to feel less overwhelmed by saying yes to the right things, not all the things!

When we know our commitments, it’s easier to say yes or no to something. If it’s a work project, we can talk about renegotiating deadlines. If it’s a volunteer commitment, we know if we have the time to give. If it’s our kids asking to do one more activity, we can talk about whether it makes sense or will lead to more overwhelm.

How many things have you said yes to in your life because you:

what are you escaping
  1. Didn’t know how to say no at the moment?
  2. Felt obligated to do it even though you really didn’t want to?
  3. Automatically say yes without even thinking about it because you don’t want to disappoint someone?

Remember that every time you say yes to something you are saying no to something else.

And sometimes we have to say no to something that seems like a great opportunity because we know that there’s a better one out there. (Or, we know we need to leave breathing room in our schedules). Make sure that yes is worth it.

When you learn to say no to something that doesn’t work for you, it’s the first step in learning how to feel less overwhelmed. Because life feels like you have some breathing room.

I want you to design a life that you don’t need to escape from. One that doesn’t have you dreading every Monday. Where you aren’t resentful of the activities you and your family are committed to outside of work and school.

It’s a life full of activities and tasks that deserve to be there. It’s full of heck yes’s!

This takes time and reflection, both of which I know you feel you don’t have enough.

But we can change that, together! Sign up for my private podcast today!

It’s time for you to go to bed. Yes, I’m talking to you, mom.

habits, mindset shift, motivation, routines

That’s right. Mom, you need to go to bed. No more doom scrolling. Or promising you’ll go to bed after this next episode. I want you to brush your teeth, wash your face, and go to bed. Leave your phone in the other room. Mom, it’s time for you to go to bed.

Sleep is important. If you’ve been skimping on sleep because you feel overwhelmed by everything you must do, stop it. Sleep (and taking breaks) actually helps you get more done each day.

When you’re tired, you’re not efficient.

You make mistakes.

You’re slower both physically and mentally.

So go to bed.

Also, you deserve rest, regardless of how productive you are.

Before you go to bed though, spend some time thinking about your evening routines. What can you do at night to make your mornings better? Pack lunches? Pack backpacks and work bags? Set out breakfast?

go to bed bedside

Ok. Once you’re getting some sleep, start thinking about your morning routines. Are you getting up earlier than your kids? What needs to happen in the morning to make the rest of your day easier? Run the dishwasher? Put dinner in the crockpot?

Spending some time getting your morning and evening routines working helps make the rest of your days easier!

If you want to talk through your routines, schedule a Get On Track Call with me.

A Game of Mousetrap

habits, motivation, routines

Have you ever played the game of Mousetrap? I remember sitting in my grandparent’s house, putting the game together. I don’t think we ever played the game as designed. Just put the pieces together and sent the marble through the system. My kids now do the same thing.

a game of mousetrap

There’s cause and effect. If something goes wrong, the end result is different. Consequently, when things go smoothly, you get what you want in the end (unless you’re the mouse being caught).

It builds on itself. You need the pieces to connect in a certain way for it to work.

The same can be said for systems (and routines) in our own life. Pieces need to connect in certain ways. And when something is off, things can go wrong.

What routines in your life need some work? What systems can you create?

I’ve blocked time on my calendar for my marketing tasks. I sit down every Monday morning and work my way through a checklist of tasks related to marketing. I tackle the ones I don’t want to do first because I know I won’t do them otherwise. If I don’t sit down on Monday morning with these tasks, they’re less likely to get done for the week.

If I don’t do laundry on Sunday afternoons, I have to create time for it somewhere else in my week. I prefer to do my laundry on Sunday and do my best to keep that routine. Also, I won’t wash laundry that isn’t already in the dirty laundry hampers! I refuse to walk around the house picking up dirty socks.

What do you need to put in place? What can you tweak?

Here are a few to think about.

  • Laundry
  • Meal planning
  • Family meetings
  • Processing emails (personal and work)
  • Recurring work tasks

Routines, once put in place, can take so much work out of our days. They clear up our brains for other things!

Are Your Kids Too Busy For You To Make Friends?

habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.” ― Tina Fey, Bossypants

Are your kids too busy for you to get together with your friends? Read on for some ideas!

I was sitting on the playground recently, watching my kids play and listening to a group of parents talk about how hard it was to get together with their friends.

A dad was describing this long text thread of trying to get together with a friend to go rock-climbing. They live 30 minutes away from great climbing, but could not find a time when they were both free at the same time.

kids too busy

Same story for a mom trying to make plans with some girlfriends.

There were all the activities that the kids were doing. Soccer. Piano. Swim lessons. Dance. Gymnastics. Tuesdays and Thursdays were out. Saturdays too because that’s when the games are. And the multitude of birthday parties and other kid-centered activities that happen.

If there’s more than one kid, the activities likely fall on different days, so there goes most weekdays.

And I say there thinking to myself – it doesn’t have to be this hard, does it? It shouldn’t be this hard to make time to see our friends. Why do we design our lives to revolve around our children?

Society has led us to believe that we need to do everything for our children and keep them fully entertained all the time. That it’s selfish for us to do anything for ourselves.

Play dates. Sports. Music. They must be achieving and growing.

What happened to kids entertaining themselves while mom and dad sit and have a quiet cup of coffee together?

What would happen if you said no to a birthday party and instead spent some time with your family? Or hired a babysitter (or a neighbor) to watch your kid(s) while you and a friend went and took a walk or went for a cup of coffee?

What if each family member took one activity off their plate for the next few months? What would that extra time do for all of you?

You can design a life you love. Not one that’s requiring you to respond to stress with the torpor of a possum.

What would you let go of today to make more time for your friends?

Your future self will thank you!

Sign up for my private podcast to take the next step in what to do when your kids are too busy!

Mothering Doesn’t Have To Be This Hard

habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation, time management

Maybe mothering doesn’t have to be this hard.

Do you have days where you feel like you missed a class on how to be an adult?

Where the to-do list is overwhelming and never-ending? And you wonder if you’ll ever feel on top of your game?

I know I have! Mothering doesn’t have to be this hard if we do it together.

This is why I created Stride Productivity and my virtual community, Stride Together.

Because being a mom is hard. Being a mom while also working a full-time job or running your own business is hard. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard!

And I want moms to know they’re not alone.

Mothering doesn't have to be this hard.

I want moms to know what it feels like to not have clutter and tasks in every crevice of their day.

To make time for fun.

To spend quality time with their families.

And to have a sense of control.

It is possible.

I want moms to know they can stop:

  • Ending each day exhausted and drained but feeling like you didn’t do enough. There’s still laundry to put away. You didn’t get to that work project you wanted to start on. And you don’t remember the last time you had an actual conversation with your partner.
  • Feeling pulled in too many directions. You want to say yes to your kids when they ask you to join them on the swings. But you have work emails to respond to, dinner to figure out, and a piece of paper you need to find and sign for your son’s soccer team.
  • Carrying all of the mental load. You’d like to talk with your partner, but you’re too tired to have the conversation. At least for today, it’s easier to take in on yourself.

If you want to learn more, schedule a Get On Track call with me today. Let’s talk about how to help you stop feeling so exhausted and drained.

My Daughter Wanted To Help Mom Clean Up The Mess

habits, Help, mindset shift, routines, time management

How did it get so messy? Does a pack of wild animals live here?

Big sigh.

We were all picking up toys and clutter so that we could more thoroughly clean it. My 5-year-old daughter refused to participate. She’s 5. She’s stubborn and she’s not going to do anything she doesn’t want to do.

So I let it go and we all moved on.

A little while later, I hear her saying she’s cleaning up to help mom clean up the mess.

Now, I understand that often our kids do stuff around the house to help mom. Mom’s the one who manages the chores and house cleaning (more on why this is a problem at a later date.

But I didn’t like the way she said this. I didn’t like that she was only doing it because Mom was mad.

We are a team in our household. Keeping the house clean and organized is not just mom’s job. It’s everyone’s job. Because we all live here.

We don’t clean the house to make mom happy. We clean and declutter the house so we can find what we need and don’t get ants.

Everyone participates in keeping the house functioning.

Here are some ideas to get everyone involved:

  • Make it fun. Don’t tell your kid to go clean their room. Their brains will shut down and it won’t happen.
    • Help them play the seek and sort game.
    • Turn it into a game. We play basketball with my kids’ laundry. You can do the same with any toys that go into a bin. (side note, don’t use bins with lids.
    • Have kids race against you (never against each other. Siblings are already competitive enough). See if they can put something away faster than you.
  • Make it easy to put things away. (Lids add one more step).
  • Have special time with them first.
  • Do something fun together as a family once you’re done.
to help me

If your kids are older, these same guidelines apply. Get them to participate. Ask them how they want to participate (and skipping out is not an option).

Build routines around decluttering and cleaning.

Keep it small. We clean half the house each weekend so it’s not overwhelming. We pick up most of the mess each day so it doesn’t get overwhelming.

Everything has a home, so it’s easy to put things away.

How cluttered your house gets is up to you and those who live there. What is your level of acceptance of mess? I don’t have the energy for a spotless house every day. I do like a weekly reset.

Figure out what works for your family. It’s not just help mom clean up the mess.

Spend some time this week talking with your family about how to start working together to keep the house functioning. Pick one of the above ideas and put it into action!

Ready to implement this in your life? Sign up for my private podcast!

Watch As She Bends But Never Breaks

habits, mindset shift, motivation, time management

She bends but never breaks. In the song, Surface Pressure, from Encanto, we find Luisa singing the following lyrics.

I take what I’m handed, I break what’s demanding But

Under the surface

I feel berserk as a tightrope walker in a three-ring circus

Under the surface…

I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service…

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that’ll never stop, whoa

Pressure that’ll tip, tip, tip ’til you just go pop, whoa-oh-oh

Give it to your sister, it doesn’t hurt

And see if she can handle every family burden

Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks

Luisa is singing about how she feels so much pressure and is wondering if she can handle it.

She’s always been expected to be the strong one in the family. And the family and town keep throwing tasks at her and expecting her to take more and more on.

She feels herself crumbling under the pressure. She also starts to realize that she doesn’t always have to be the strong one. That she doesn’t always have to take everything on. That she’s more than the strong one. And she really needs a break. We watch as she bends but never breaks.

Do these words resonate with you? Do you feel the pressure of taking everything on yourself?

You take everything that’s thrown at you. You bend but never break.

But underneath everything, you feel a bit berserk? Trying not to crumble under the pressure? Feeling like your worth is wrapped up in service to your family?

Maybe you too are developing a twitch in your eye from the pressure.

Know that you don’t need to carry the weight of the world by yourself. That you and your family are a team. You work together.

Know that you don’t have to do every task on your to-do list today.

One of the things I work on with my clients is making sure that what’s on your list belongs there. Today and long-term. You don’t have to say yes to everything.

The world will continue to tell you that your worth is wrapped up in your task list and how you serve your family.

I will continue to tell you that this isn’t true.

If you want to hear more about this topic, sign up for my private podcast or talk directly with me on a Get On Track call.

Are You Tired of Making Lunches?

habits, Help, mindset shift, routines, time management

In the movie Bad Moms, Amy (played by Mila Kunis), has taken on so many tasks in her family. She does her best to make her kids’ lives magical. She does their homework. Makes their breakfast. Makes their lunches. Drives them to all their activities.

She does it all.

And she’s exhausted.

makes their lunches

At one point, after she’s realized how hard she works and how she’s done doing all the tasks, she tells her kids to make their own lunch. They look stunned. Mom has always done everything for them! And now they have to do something for themselves.

And you know what happens? They figure it out.

Yes, they grumble a bit. They leave a mess in the kitchen. But they make their own lunches.

Moms have been told, over and over, that in order to show our kids that we love them, we must do everything for them. From making fancy breakfasts every morning to packing their lunches, and maybe even doing their homework.

Go overboard for the holidays with decorations, gifts, food.

Throw elaborate birthday parties.

We sign our kids up for so many activities and schedule numerous playdates.

Because society has told us this is what we’re supposed to be doing. That this makes us good moms.

When in reality, it makes us tired and resentful. And makes our kids rely on us for everything.

Now, I hate making lunches. Always have. So I taught my kids from a young age how to make their own.

Do they make a mess? Yes. Do they help clean it up? Yes. Are they getting better at it? Yes.

We make it as simple as possible. Pack snack-size containers with raisins and goldfish on the weekends so that they’re ready to pack (the kids help with this too). Keep ingredients to make sandwiches on hand. Have a list of easy-to-make lunch ideas. And we work on making lunches together, after dinner each night.

Eventually, they’ll be able to pack their lunches without help.

What’s something that you can start teaching your kids to do on their own? Something you can eventually move off your plate, onto someone else’s?

Yes, it might get messy. Yes, it might take some time for your kids to learn. But in the long run? It’s better for all of you!

Reply to this email and let me know what you are going to start working on with your kids?

Your future self will thank you.

P.S. Want to learn more about what it’s like to work with me? Schedule a Get On Track call!

Ever Redo a Task That Someone Else Did? Here’s How To Stop.

habits, mindset shift, motivation

Do you ever redo a task? When I was in college, my roommate would re-clean the bathroom after I cleaned it. He didn’t think I did it right.

So I stopped. What was the point of me taking the time to do something that someone else was going to redo?

Have you ever done this?

Do you ever redo a task another person did because you didn’t think it was done well enough? Maybe it’s the dishwasher, maybe it’s folding laundry, maybe it’s something for work.

Be honest, no one is watching you read this.

And how often do you complain that others in your house don’t help? Do you spend your time with friends complaining about how you do it all around the house? How your partner just doesn’t see all that you do or even know that you do it?

You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and tired of it all?

I wonder if we bring some of the chaos on ourselves.

I wonder if we have such high expectations of ourselves and those around us that no one will ever live up to them.

Or society has conditioned women to believe that we’re the only ones capable of doing these tasks. And if they’re not done our way, then we’ve failed somehow.

What if, by redoing a task that someone else completed, we take away their power and motivation? Thereby starting a cycle where they stop doing it and we get mad because now they’re not doing it.

reclean the bathroom Woman standing over dishwasher

I have a friend who argued with his wife about their dishwasher. She was constantly reloading it after he loaded it. He told her he was going to stop loading it if she continued to redo it. What was the point of him doing it if it was just going to get redone?

What if our partners (and maybe even our kids) feel this way? They’re tired of having their work redone and wondering why they even bother if it’s not good enough.

I’ve talked about how men and women have the same level of messiness. Society conditioned women to care more, to get to it quicker. So we want tasks completed on our timeline. Not allowing others to have agency.

I wonder what would happen if we set the expectation of when something needs to be done and then let our partners do it in their own way. Didn’t remind them. Didn’t nag them. Let them do it on their own.

Remember that half the population wasn’t raised to see all the work it takes to run a household and raise kids.

It’s not that they’re ignoring it. They don’t know it exists. And, as women, when we take it all on, our partners still don’t see it because we’re doing it all.

These changes require patience and time. We’re not going to change these deep-seated tendencies overnight. But we can start.

Let’s start by making it more visible. Stop doing all the housework after everyone else is in bed. Stop redoing something someone else has already done. Even if you can fit more dishes in the dishwasher or think something should be folded differently, stop. Try celebrating that someone else did it and now you don’t have to. That’s one thing off your plate!

Think of what you can do when you’re not doing everything.

My kids don’t fold their clothes. The kids sort by item and shove the clothes in drawers. They know how to fold, but I’m not going to spend a bunch of time folding their clothes or nagging them to do it. We sort them, play a game of basketball as they toss their clothes into the drawers, and call it a day.

Give someone ownership over a task. They’re not helping you, you’re working together.

Start paying attention to everything that you’re taking on. It’s not going to change overnight, but let’s start with some awareness.

The Minimum Standard of Care (MSC) is helpful here.. This is a term from the Fair Play Method. It’s an agreed-upon standard of values describing how a task is done. Learn more about it on my private podcast.

Your future self will thank you.

Let me know the last time you redid the dishwasher! (I’ll keep it between us!)

Most Days It Feels Like The Task List Never Ends.

habits, mindset shift, motivation, time management

The task list never ends.

Get the kids up.

Make breakfast.

Help the kids pack their lunches

Remind the kids to put those lunches in their backpacks, not the counter.

Get kids out the door to school.

some days it never ends

Then start my work day.

And then remember we need to figure out what’s for dinner. Maybe buy groceries.

And add 3 more things to my task list for work.

Some days, it never ends!

It feels like the task list never gets shorter.

Some days the list truly gets longer!

At times it feels like we’re failing. Maybe you’ll try a new tool or hack and it’ll work for a while. But you eventually find yourself back where you were, overwhelmed and overcommitted. Feeling like it’s never enough.

Sometimes we wonder if we missed a class in school on how to do this thing called life.

I assure you that you did not miss a class. You are not failing. Our society has led women to believe that to have it all we have to do it all.

When dads don’t get paternity leave, moms simply get better at doing all the things. Not because they’re better at it by nature, but because they’re the ones doing it every day.

Over time, this leads moms to feel like we need to take on everything related to the house and kids, on top of running a business or growing our own careers. Because we’ve been led to believe that this is what good moms do and nothing will happen if we don’t take care of it.

But when both partners are involved with the household and raising of children, life is richer for everyone.

Getting everyone involved in a household doesn’t happen overnight. And it doesn’t happen by putting up a chore chart or reminders.

It takes time. Conversations. Family meetings. Work on everyone’s part.

But it can happen. This is the work I do with my clients. The work we talk about in my community.

Want to learn more? Go here.

If you’re wondering if you missed a class on how to do life, start with my private podcast: Go here.

Your future self will thank you!

It’s Not That Simple When There Are Too Many Steps.

habits, Help, motivation, routines, time management

Sometimes, there are too many steps.

I’m standing in my kitchen. I need to empty my coffee maker. I’d like to clean it out too.

it's not that simple Toys on stair with foot about to step no them.

But I’m stuck. The compost bin is full and if I attempt to dump coffee grounds in it, the grounds will end up all over the counter.

I don’t want to take the time to empty the compost bin before I clean out the coffee maker. It’s a few steps, but it feels like too many right now. I have other things I need to get to. 

So, I do what any sane person would do in this situation, I walk away to deal with it later. 

While this is a simple (and maybe silly) problem, this feeling of being stuck, of wanting to deal with something but feeling overwhelmed by the steps, is common. 

It might be wanting to hire a housecleaner or a nanny. Maybe it’s getting your kids to do more around the house. Or you want regular date nights with your partner but don’t have a reliable babysitter.

Whatever it is, take a few minutes to figure out the steps to get you there. Whether it’s researching babysitters or asking your neighbors for their housecleaner recommendations.

Whether it’s something where you need to do it yourself or you want to delegate it, getting started is tough.

But think about what that’s costing you in the long run. If you could hire a nanny or a house cleaner, what kind of time would that get you? 

Figure out the first step and then take it.

Want support? Schedule a Get On Track Call today.

What Is The Ideal Mother?

habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation, Organization, time management

I recently talked about maternal gatekeeping. How, as women, we’re conditioned to believe we’re better at parenting and housekeeping than our partners. How we are the ones who need to control everything, to ensure it’s done right (or done at all). And how we need to stop letting society create these ridiculous standards. 

This conditioning comes from what’s known as the Ideal Mother. This is the idea that a mother knows best. We’re led to believe this from a young age. 

Society conditions men to believe they are the ideal worker and the breadwinner. Jobs are designed around the ideal worker. The person who is always available for their work. They don’t have a life outside of work. It’s expected that there’s someone else (usually a wife), at home making sure the kids are taken care of, the house is cleaned, and dinner is on the table. 

So what happens when the wife works too? Life gets complicated. Women are expected to work like they don’t have a family to take care of and care for their family like they don’t have a job. 

But this isn’t possible and it isn’t fair. And it’s time to break this expectation. 

And it starts with a conversation. 

Yes, this might feel like one more thing you have to do. And it is. But it’s also the only way we’re going to change things. We need to get our partners on board here. And not in a guilt and shame-filled way. But in a way that leads us to be true partners, sharing childcare and household tasks in a way that’s fair to everyone. (that is different from sharing things 50/50). 

woman overwhelmed by too many tasks around the house. the ideal mother maternal gatekeeping

One of the first things to discuss is an acceptable level of cleanliness which Eve Rodksy, in her book Fair Play, labels Minimum Standard of Care. These are the agreed-upon expectations of everything in a house. Who cleans out the cat litter and when does it happen? What about the trash? What about family activities, like soccer, piano lessons, church choir, etc.? How many activities does each family member take on each season? How often do you have family dinners? 

When my kids started elementary school, I decided we were only attending birthday parties with my kids’ friends. Not every birthday party. We were not going to sign up for every activity possible. Each person gets one, maybe two activities per semester. 

Remember, you do not need to spend every day after school driving your kids around to activities. Pick one of their favorites. Carpool. Schedule things so it all happens on one crazy day, where you have take-out for dinner. Or where you can trade off with your partner on who does the driving. Meet a friend for a walk around the park while your kids are at soccer practice. Or spend one-on-one time with one kid while the other(s) are at practice. 

Don’t feel obligated to say yes to everything.

There is no need to wear yourself out. It is ok for kids to be kids. To learn how to entertain themselves. Let them figure it out. 

If you want to talk more about how to incorporate this in your life, and how to let go of all of the tasks, schedule some time with me! Or, sign up for my private podcast for more ideas!

Sometimes I Think Busy Is A Four-Letter Word

habits, mindset shift, time management

Yes, I said it. I think busy is a four-letter word. And not a good one.

Are you constantly doing something? A task on your to-do list? A commitment or activity?

busy is a four-letter word

Is everything that you’re doing moving you forward personally or professionally? Or the required parts of living, like dishes and laundry? 

Or are there things on there that you do but aren’t really necessary? You’re going through the motions, without thinking about what you’re doing? (It’s ok, be honest with yourself here). 

Sometimes, I think our society treats being busy as a badge of honor. 

We’re a country that doesn’t guarantee time off. Most companies who do offer vacation time only offer about two weeks. And those of us who have vacation rarely take that time. And if we do, we’re checking emails and taking calls. 

We never really rest. 

Outside of work, we have ourselves and our kids signed up for every activity under the sun. Every minute is a scheduled play date, sports, or music activity. Weekends are full of birthday parties, more play dates, and more sports. 

We can’t let ourselves or our kids ever utter the sentence I’m bored. (Side note here, I’ve read it isn’t actually that they’re bored, but that they want connection with you. And giving them connection, and sitting with them in their boredom for a few minutes, moves them out of it). 

We never stop that constantly running list in our heads. When we’re working, we’re thinking about the house tasks and if we’ve spent enough time with our kids. When we’re with our kids, we’re thinking of all the other tasks we’re not doing. 

So we’re never really present in our lives. This is part of our overwhelm. This constantly feeling like there’s something else we need to be doing.  

And we complain about it, but in a way that makes it seem like there’s really nothing we can do about it. (Or that we enjoy it, maybe, we’re not sure. We’re too tired to really figure it out). 

So what do we do?

So, what happens if we say no to a few of those birthday party invitations? To all the activities? Picking one or two for each family member each season? 

What if we make time for leisure? For rest? 

Those to-do lists are always going to be there. There will always be something that needs to be done.

If you have ways to manage your tasks (something I talk often about here and in my virtual community, Stride Together) you know that your big stuff is taken care of. It’s documented. It’s scheduled. There’s time. So you can focus on the work task or spending time with the kids.

What are you going to do with this leisure? 

Want to keep reading? Here’s more!

If you’re struggling with how to make time for leisure or letting go of the guilt of it, schedule some time with me!

Next week, we will look at how to know if you are too busy!

Here’s Why I Want You To Stop Reloading The Dishwasher

habits, mindset shift

Stop reloading the dishwasher after someone else has loaded it. Stop picking up the toys your kids need to pick up. And, stop taking on more tasks around the house or at work because you think no one else is going to do it as well. 

stop it.

You are wearing yourself out. 

Sure, you might be able to fit more dishes in the dishwasher if you loaded it. But, if someone else already loaded it, then the task is done. Cross it off the list and move on. 

In college, I had a roommate who would reclean the bathroom after I did it. Because he didn’t think I did a good enough job. So I stopped cleaning the bathroom. What was the point? I wasn’t wasting my energy doing something that wasn’t respected. 

And I wonder if this happens in our own houses. As women, we take on tasks or redo tasks because no one else is going to do it up to our standards. 

But how is that serving you or those in your household? What is that teaching your kids? 

Of course, your kids aren’t going to put their toys away exactly as you would. But if they’re put away (even if they’re in the wrong boxes), does it matter? Sure, your partner does things differently. He or she is not you. My husband folds towels differently than I do. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong. I occasionally fold them that way now too. 

The point of all of this is a mindset shift. Find a way to let go of the way others do things. Let them be a part of the household and help each other get things done. 

If it’s important to you that something is done a certain way, explain it to the rest of your family. Help them learn it. Then let go. Or, if it’s really important, do it yourself. But you don’t get to complain when no one else helps. 

I’m not saying this is easy. I still struggle with it on occasion. But I’m working on saying to myself, Great, that’s one thing I can cross off my list.  

And I move on to the next task. 

Let me know what your mindset shifts need to be! What are you working on this week?

Here’s more on this topic.

Or, connect me on Instagram and share your thoughts on this topic with me!

How To Deal When You Are Feeling Overwhelmed By Everything

habits, mindset shift, motivation, routines

As we’re coming out of the pandemic fog and intentionally rebuilding our lives, let’s look at our task lists. There might be piles of things that need to be cleaned out or purged. Maybe you have lists of house projects you wanted to do during this past year but never got around to. You might have activities you want to get yourself and your family back into. Are you overwhelmed by everything?

man looking at stickie notes of question marks on the wall. Overwhelmed by everything

Around here, we had delayed doctor’s appointments (dentist, eye doctor, physicals, etc.). We had closets full of things we’d purged but hadn’t donated. There are projects around the house we’ve been delaying. All of these are decisions weighing on our brains that we’re not taking care of. So they rattle around in our heads because our brains wonder why we’re not immediately taking care of them. 

We’ve been talking about what we want the next few months to look like.

Our kids won’t be vaccinated for a while, so not much is going to change for us. We’d like to spend much of the summer camping. There are a few friends we’d like to see. Otherwise, we’re going to continue staying home, hanging out in our backyard. Making homemade ice cream and playing in the sprinkler.

Last week I asked you to start thinking about the things you want to keep or shift going forward. How’d that go?

Are you diving back into everything or taking it slow? 

One of the things I’ve most appreciated about this past year is how it forced families to slow down. To stop running from one activity to another. Families are no longer spending their weekends attending birthday parties, soccer games, or other sports. And no longer reaching Sunday night exhausted and not ready to start the next week. 

I think society has us conditioned to believe that we must say yes to everything that comes our way. Our kids won’t get into a good college if they’re not playing multiple sports in elementary school. That our kids are going to cause trouble if every moment is not scheduled. 

But what does that do to our family time and our sanity? When we simply become activity directors and drivers for our kids. Scheduling playdates, music lessons, sports, etc. for every minute of the day? When do our kids simply get to be kids and learn how to entertain themselves? Your kids can learn how to entertain themselves. It might take some time, but it can be done. 

As you discuss what you’re going to start doing over the next few months, think about creating family meta-decisions.

This is an overarching guideline used to make decisions. It could be that each family member gets one activity per semester, including parents. Maybe it’s one sport and one other activity. One could be that each parent has one night each week when they are out of the house. Every Friday is a family movie and pizza night. Whatever works for your family. 

Create these guidelines and they’ll make your schedule easier to figure out. These guidelines create guardrails against the craziness of diving right back into everything we think we missed. They will help contain the chaos! 

Read more about meta-decisions here.

If you want to talk more about Incorporating meta-decisions in your life, schedule some time with me.