Because productivity is for white men with wives at home

Ever heard the sentence that we all have the same 24 hours in a day? It’s BS. Moms don’t have the same 24 hours in a day. I mean, technically, sure, but if you have kids, your day looks different than someone who doesn’t. It also looks different depending on how old your kids are, how many kids you have, and whether or not your husband is an equal partner or another person you’re managing.

You can have a carefully planned day, but a call from school to come get your kid can toss the whole plan out the window. There is no typical week in a mom’s life. Every week, life throws something different at us. Our minds are constantly thinking about something that needs to be done (likely 17 things that need to be done).

So much of the time management advice out there is to delegate, delete, schedule it on your calendar, or time block it. And sure, there are some good nuggets in there, and some of it can be useful. But I’m guessing that you’ve read all the books, googled all the productivity hacks, and nothing has worked for more than a few days.

It doesn’t matter how organized you are. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve scheduled all your tasks or try to do your best work when you have the most energy. There’s simply too much to do on any given day for one person. And society makes moms feel like it’s their fault for not staying on top of it. 

You’re not failing. The system is rigged.

You can delete, delegate, and schedule all you want. Someone still needs to make dinner (that someone will complain about) and find your son’s soccer cleats. And make sure your alarm is set to sign up for swimming lessons when registration opens at 7 am tomorrow. It’s also just easier to do it yourself, because, you know, if you ask your husband to do it, you’ll be reminding him constantly.

I took a coaching program where they described an ideal coach’s day. It was very clear that the person who wrote the schedule doesn’t have a family. Or is someone whose partner does all the childcare and household management. It made me angry and made me giggle at the same time. The schedule focused on meditation, reading for pleasure and professional growth, and some coaching time. And the person didn’t spend any time with their family until 6pm. There was no school drop-off or pick-up. No taking the kids to swim practice or karate.

It didn’t reflect a mom’s reality at all.

And here you are, trying your best. And feeling like it’s never enough. You’re exhausted from working, running a business, paying your bills, and raising your kids while calling your senators and watching democracy crumble. You’re trying to figure out dinner while also wondering how to raise your kids for an unknown future. You want to talk with your husband about taking on more household tasks, but it’s just one more thing for you to do. And it doesn’t feel worth it.

We have so much information at our fingertips. Too much, really. And we’ve been raised as perfectionist people pleasers. So we feel like we must follow these systems fully or we’ve failed. We don’t know how to tweak what works for us. Or, as my business coach says, keep the fish and spit out the bones. Not everything works for everyone. But we don’t know how to make something work for us. And we’re too tired to figure it out.

Yes, I call myself a productivity coach. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to give you a specific system that you must follow exactly or it won’t work. We’re all different. Everything I do is designed for you, to work with you and your life.

It’s time we stop wearing ourselves out trying to live up to society’s ridiculous expectations. They’re designed to keep us exhausted and overwhelmed. And we deserve better.

I’m not your average white man’s productivity coach. I’m a mom. Wanting better for all moms. And I believe that together, we can feel on top of our to-do list and change the world around us. Are you in?