How do you feel about hosting birthday parties? I recently spoke with someone who always threw large, elaborate birthday parties for her kids. She shared that her daughter shared she didn’t enjoy these big parties. She had never felt comfortable with them.
The mom was frustrated, mostly with herself, because she’d thought her daughter liked them. The mom didn’t enjoy throwing them herself. She’d always found them exhausting.
I share this story because I think we get so caught up in doing what society has conditioned us to do that we don’t take much time to think about what’s important to us and our families.
It just feels easier to do what our neighbors or our community are doing.
And I think we’d save ourselves so much time and stress if we took even a little bit of time to evaluate how we’re spending our time and what’s important to us.
One of the most important steps in the Fair Play Method is discussing values. As you work through the task cards, you talk about why a specific task is important and what it looks like in your life.
Some of these conversations might be quick. For example, taking out the trash probably doesn’t need to be a long conversation. You value a clean kitchen. You value not having bugs in your kitchen. So the trash needs to go out on a regular basis.
But what type of birthday parties do you host? What do specific holidays look like in your house? And do you send out holiday cards?
Those are important because they can take up a lot of time and mental load.
When my husband and I talk to our kids about what activities they want to do over the summer, it often involves ice cream and playing in the backyard with their friends. They’re not wanting big vacations and endless activities.
And yes, planning big vacations can still be a part of your summer. But it’s also possible to make plenty of time for playing in the mud.
Maybe your kid is only playing soccer because everyone else in the neighborhood is doing the same thing. But several families would love to stop. They just don’t feel like they can because it’s the only way the kids are ever together.
What if you were the family that suggested something different? How would that shift things?
I know that discussing values can feel daunting. You feel that you don’t have time. You need to get dinner on the table and find that permission slip for your daughter.
But when you’ve defined your values, it helps in decision-making. It helps you know if you want to take on a specific task or how you are going to make something happen (like birthday parties).
And it gets you and your partner on the same team. It helps both of you understand why something is or is not important to you.
When you and your partner understand what’s important to the other person, you get to start creating a life that fits that.
Because you can ask yourself if an activity or task fits with those values. And if the answer is no, can you skip that activity?
Taking the time, over several weeks, to hold this conversation saves you time in the long run.
It gets you off the hamster wheel. It gets you focused on what’s important to you and your family. And over time, it gives you time back in your days!
Are you ready? Let’s get started. Here is a link to a worksheet to help define your values!
If you want to talk through defining your values, schedule a call with me.