Why I Love The Fair Play Method And You Should Too

motivation, ,

Wondering how to deal with all that mom rage? The Fair Play Method might be your answer! Keep reading to learn more.

Mom rage is real. That anger and resentment at feeling like we are responsible for everything.​From making sure our kids have shoes that fit, and there’s shampoo and toilet paper in the bathroom to signing the kids up for summer camp on the day registration opens.​

It’s never-ending and it’s exhausting.​Maybe you want to talk with your partner about it. But you can’t find the energy or the time. So you carry on, doing everything. Because that feels easier.​ Someday you’ll get around to the conversation. Or maybe you’ll go on strike. Or run away.

​Yes, moms deserve to feel all the rage. But what if we could change it?

​When I discovered the Fair Play method, I felt like here was the answer. Fair Play is a method that gets both partners on the same team. It’s me and my husband against the dishes, not against each other.
​It’s a system that sets you and your partner up for success in your relationship and parenting! It takes the invisible and makes it visible.

​It helps you and your partner share the load of managing a house and raising kids. Tasks are strategically shared between both partners, with your shared values and mutually agreed-upon expectations as your guideposts.​No one holds any task by default. And, you don’t have to be responsible for a task indefinitely.

​I got tired of feeling like the dishes were my responsibility. I would walk into the kitchen and see a pile of dishes needing to be dealt with. We both work from home but my job is more flexible than my husband’s. So I often felt like I should do more around the house.​What that turned into is that I was spending more time cleaning the kitchen than focusing on work. And I started to feel major resentment about it.

Using the Fair Play Method, we talked about it. We decided that one person would be fully in charge of the dishes from Sunday to Saturday.​

This includes emptying and loading the dishwasher. Hand washing anything that doesn’t go in the dishwasher. And making sure the kitchen is clean enough at night that whoever is making breakfast can make breakfast without cleaning the kitchen.

Fair Play Method

​And one person couldn’t leave a mess for the next person to take over Sunday. If you were behind on dishes, you spent Sunday catching before the other person took over.​

​We checked in with each other every few weeks to see how it was going. Then, we layered on other tasks. If it’s your week for dishes, you are also responsible for dealing with the trash and recycling.​This might look different in your family. Because we’re all different. And what works in this season, might not work 6 months from now.

​Which is why regular check-ins are necessary. Start with one or 2 tasks. Talk about it. Come up with a plan. Then layer on other tasks.

​We’re not looking for a 50/50 split of tasks. It’s what works for you and your family In this season.

​And, one person is not in charge of something forever and ever. Unless that works for you! I do the laundry. I don’t mind it. My husband makes dinner most nights. I don’t like to cook and he does. We’re working on getting our kids more involved. Which is a topic for another time!

​I like this method because it gets everyone on a level playing field. You start by talking about your values. And look at the tasks and activities you do and why.

​What do birthdays look like in your family? What do holidays look like? Who is maintaining relationships with extended family and what does that look like? What ongoing activities do you want you and your family to do? Sports? Music? Volunteering?

​When you start with these conversations and build from there, you start to create a life that you don’t want to run away from. You create time to spend with your family and your partner without the ticker tape of tasks running through your head. Because you know they’re being taken care of.​

​Because you do not have to do it all.​

Want to learn more? Sign up for my private podcast or schedule a free 45-minute coaching call with me!

Let’s talk about laundry and why it never ends.

habits, routines, time management

Ever feel like you are always doing laundry? 

There’s always laundry. In the dirty laundry hamper, the dryer, and the clean clothes hamper. 

There’s probably a pile somewhere you’ve forgotten about. 

Laundry is cyclical. You’ll never really be done with it. 

And that’s ok. It means you can take a breath and maybe not be quite so overwhelmed by laundry.

As long as everyone in your family has clean clothes every day (most days?) you are on top of your laundry. 

When my oldest was born, I never folded my sheets. I washed them regularly. But the 2nd set was always shoved in the closet instead of neatly folded. I was too tired and did not care. No one was digging through my closets judging how near and organized it was. And I figured if Martha Stewart came to visit, she could fold my sheets. 

Let’s take a few minutes to talk about laundry and how best to feel on top of it. 

Start by asking yourself the following questions: 

  • How often do I need to do laundry? (One load a day?) (twice a week?) I wash clothes one day a week and sheets and towels on another day. I have a friend who does one load each day. Try different routines to see what works and feels doable.
  • How long does each step take? Time yourself. Sometimes that laundry basket feels like a big project but only takes 5 minutes. How long do each of the following steps take:
    • Sorting
    • Putting in washer/washing 
    • Putting in dryer/drying 
    • Hanging up anything that needs to air-dry
    • Folding
    • Putting away
  • Who else can help? 

Get Your Kids Involved!

My kids are learning to do their laundry. My 11-year-old can do it herself without my help and my 9-year-old needs support. 

laundry

One of my kids lives out of her clean clothes basket because she doesn’t like putting away her clothes. She knows how to put away her laundry. She has no interest in doing it. My goal is not to require her to put away her laundry every week but to know how to put it away when she’s ready. 

I prefer putting my clothes away the day I wash them because I dislike sorting through the laundry basket or dryer trying to find what I’m looking for. 

Get kids involved when they’re little. You don’t need to fold little kid clothes. Sort by type and put in a drawer. Toddlers can learn to sort laundry by shirts / pants / socks. 

If you feel your partner can’t wash laundry because he’ll likely shrink something, separate your delicates from the rest of the clothes. I have a separate basket for things to hang dry. I have enough that I do a separate load of delicates. But if there’s not enough for a separate load, use a mesh bag. Everything to hang dry goes in the mesh bag. Your partner can learn that the mesh bag means items to be hung up to dry. He is capable of this. 

You can also use mesh bags to keep socks together. 

Don’t use hampers with lids. Make it as easy as possible to put dirty laundry in the hamper. Lids add an extra step. 

If it is important to you and worth your time to have your closets perfectly organized and Pinterest-worthy, go for it. 

I’m going to suggest that you, make it as easy as possible to put clothes away. Use baskets (without lids). Have a drawer for all your workout gear. 

I have one kid who prefers hanging up her shirts. My other kid does not. I’m not a fan of hanging up shirts. But I recently started folding my shirts Marie-Kondo style, so they sit like file folders on the shelf. It’s easier than I expected and my shirts stay organized. 

There will always be laundry. So take some time this week to figure out how to make it work best for you and your family. 

It doesn’t have to be something that’s weighing you down! 

Want help with your laundry routine? Sign up for a Get On Track Call today!

How To Feel Less Overwhelmed By Saying Yes To The Right Things, Not Everything!

habits, mindset shift, time management

Do you ever feel like you say yes to everything and end up regretting it? It’s easy to feel ovewhelmed when we say yes to everything! We suddenly find that we have too much going on and start to feel pulled in too many directions. Let’s talk about how to feel less overwhelmed by saying yes to the right things, not all the things!

When we know our commitments, it’s easier to say yes or no to something. If it’s a work project, we can talk about renegotiating deadlines. If it’s a volunteer commitment, we know if we have the time to give. If it’s our kids asking to do one more activity, we can talk about whether it makes sense or will lead to more overwhelm.

How many things have you said yes to in your life because you:

what are you escaping
  1. Didn’t know how to say no at the moment?
  2. Felt obligated to do it even though you really didn’t want to?
  3. Automatically say yes without even thinking about it because you don’t want to disappoint someone?

Remember that every time you say yes to something you are saying no to something else.

And sometimes we have to say no to something that seems like a great opportunity because we know that there’s a better one out there. (Or, we know we need to leave breathing room in our schedules). Make sure that yes is worth it.

When you learn to say no to something that doesn’t work for you, it’s the first step in learning how to feel less overwhelmed. Because life feels like you have some breathing room.

I want you to design a life that you don’t need to escape from. One that doesn’t have you dreading every Monday. Where you aren’t resentful of the activities you and your family are committed to outside of work and school.

It’s a life full of activities and tasks that deserve to be there. It’s full of heck yes’s!

This takes time and reflection, both of which I know you feel you don’t have enough.

But we can change that, together! Sign up for my private podcast today!

It’s time for you to go to bed. Yes, I’m talking to you, mom.

habits, mindset shift, motivation, routines

That’s right. Mom, you need to go to bed. No more doom scrolling. Or promising you’ll go to bed after this next episode. I want you to brush your teeth, wash your face, and go to bed. Leave your phone in the other room. Mom, it’s time for you to go to bed.

Sleep is important. If you’ve been skimping on sleep because you feel overwhelmed by everything you must do, stop it. Sleep (and taking breaks) actually helps you get more done each day.

When you’re tired, you’re not efficient.

You make mistakes.

You’re slower both physically and mentally.

So go to bed.

Also, you deserve rest, regardless of how productive you are.

Before you go to bed though, spend some time thinking about your evening routines. What can you do at night to make your mornings better? Pack lunches? Pack backpacks and work bags? Set out breakfast?

go to bed bedside

Ok. Once you’re getting some sleep, start thinking about your morning routines. Are you getting up earlier than your kids? What needs to happen in the morning to make the rest of your day easier? Run the dishwasher? Put dinner in the crockpot?

Spending some time getting your morning and evening routines working helps make the rest of your days easier!

If you want to talk through your routines, schedule a Get On Track Call with me.

A Game of Mousetrap

habits, motivation, routines

Have you ever played the game of Mousetrap? I remember sitting in my grandparent’s house, putting the game together. I don’t think we ever played the game as designed. Just put the pieces together and sent the marble through the system. My kids now do the same thing.

a game of mousetrap

There’s cause and effect. If something goes wrong, the end result is different. Consequently, when things go smoothly, you get what you want in the end (unless you’re the mouse being caught).

It builds on itself. You need the pieces to connect in a certain way for it to work.

The same can be said for systems (and routines) in our own life. Pieces need to connect in certain ways. And when something is off, things can go wrong.

What routines in your life need some work? What systems can you create?

I’ve blocked time on my calendar for my marketing tasks. I sit down every Monday morning and work my way through a checklist of tasks related to marketing. I tackle the ones I don’t want to do first because I know I won’t do them otherwise. If I don’t sit down on Monday morning with these tasks, they’re less likely to get done for the week.

If I don’t do laundry on Sunday afternoons, I have to create time for it somewhere else in my week. I prefer to do my laundry on Sunday and do my best to keep that routine. Also, I won’t wash laundry that isn’t already in the dirty laundry hampers! I refuse to walk around the house picking up dirty socks.

What do you need to put in place? What can you tweak?

Here are a few to think about.

  • Laundry
  • Meal planning
  • Family meetings
  • Processing emails (personal and work)
  • Recurring work tasks

Routines, once put in place, can take so much work out of our days. They clear up our brains for other things!

How To Add Routines To Your Family Life To Make Life Easier

motivation, routines, time management

Let’s talk about how to add routines to your family life! Sometimes a little structure is helpful!

It’s 5 pm. I’m staring at the fridge, wondering what we’re going to have for dinner. I don’t like to cook. If it’s not planned or prepped, we’re having frozen pizza.

Once we started weekly meal planning (and prepping) our weeknight dinners got easier. Veggies and potatoes were prepped and the meat was defrosted. All I needed to do was turn on the oven, toss everything in a pan, and roast it.

Sunday is laundry day. I refuse to wash clothes any other day of the week unless absolutely necessary. If you want your clothes washed, they better be in the hamper when I start. Otherwise, it will wait until next week.

Add routines to your family life

I’m working on implementing certain days of the week for certain work tasks. Something like Marketing Monday, where Monday is focused on all my marketing tasks. Maybe you have planning meetings on certain days of the week or focus on specific projects at specific times.

Do you find routines stifling or helpful?

Do you think that having routines in your life helps with your creativity? Or hurts it?

It is possible to have routines in your life and also flexibility. When your days are planned and structured down to the minute, any disruption throws things into disarray.

When you have routines and structure with space for the unexpected, everything flows smoothly.

What routines do you need in your days?

Below are a few areas to add routines to your life.

  • Laundry
  • Meal planning and prep
  • Recurring work tasks
  • Morning routines
  • Evening routines

Ask yourself the following questions related to building routines.

  • What are all the steps needed to complete this routine?
  • When does each step need to happen?
  • Who is responsible for each step?

I also recommend spending the last 30 minutes of your workday cleaning up your workspace. Check your calendar and tasks for tomorrow. Celebrate what you accomplished today. Process emails. File paperwork. Check your physical inbox, if you have one. Prepare yourself for tomorrow.

When you add routines to your family life, life gets easier! And when your brain knows that tasks are taken care of, it can solve other problems!

Want to take this further? Schedule a Get On Track call with me!

Why Timing Your Tasks is a Time Saver

routines, time management

Have you ever dreaded a task because it felt like it would take too much time? Then once you finally tackled it, it wasn’t as bad as you thought? Let’s talk about why timing your tasks can help save you time!

I used to feel like laundry was a big time suck (don’t we all?!)

So I decided to time myself one day. And I learned something valuable.

I realized it was taking me too long to fold laundry because my kid’s clothes are often inside out. I was spending too much time turning everything right side out.

ever dreaded a task?

So I stopped.

My daughter has worn pants the wrong side out because that’s how they came out of the drawer.

I’m not taking the time to fix that and apparently, my kids don’t care! And next time they’ll be correct because they turned right side out again when she took them off!

It seems to only bother the adults when kids wear something wrong-side out or backward. Let’s let it go!

And now I know that it takes me less than 10 minutes to fold a load of laundry. I can make that happen. Especially when I think about how much time we’ll spend digging through the laundry trying to find something if I don’t deal with it!

(Side note: My kids now sort and put away their laundry. One of my kids essentially lives out of her clean laundry basket.)

I’m sharing this story because your task list is long. And it could likely be shorter. But you’ve said yes to too many things. And you’re doing too much.

Do you know where your time goes? Not just guessing, but truly knowing?

And have you ever timed your tasks so that you know how long a recurring task takes?

Even if you think you know where your time goes, it’s helpful to track your time. Over a week, document each task, in 30-minute increments. This doesn’t mean that you sit down at the end of the day and write down what you think you did. You stop what you’re doing every 30 minutes and write it down. Use these resources to help with this.

Then go back and review your week. How much time was spent on social media? What time was wasted on activities that were unnecessary? How much time are you spending on work tasks? Were there any surprises or did it make sense to you?

Or, if tracking your time sounds like too much work, identify the tasks you do most often, for work or at home. And time them. How long does writing your weekly newsletter or monthly report take? How long does it take to empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, or plan your dinners for the week?

Use this information to change your future scheduling. Identify what’s working and what’s not.

I promise you that timing your tasks will save you time. You never know until you try!

Your future self will thank you.

I Don’t Have Time For This!

mindset shift, routines

Do you keep appointments you make for yourself?

What about making time to do those things that aren’t high priorities but are things you’d like to do someday?

The things you know would make you happy or contribute to society in some way, but you’re too busy cleaning the house, completing work tasks, and entertaining the kids to get to?

I don't have time for this

What if you made appointments with yourself that you kept as strictly as you would a client meeting, doctor’s appointment, or coffee with a friend?

I’ve had several people ask me how to make time for things they’d like to do but aren’t high priorities. Taking digital classes (personal or professional), volunteering, and doing things outside of chore and work lists.

I suggest spending just 30 minutes taking a class. It’s not much, but over time you will make progress. Treat the time you schedule for yourself with as much respect as you would a client appointment or coffee with a friend.

Another suggestion includes letting go of the need to keep up with all the household tasks all the time. I’m not saying let your house grow mold. But what if you spend one afternoon a month volunteering? Your house isn’t going to fall apart during that time. Volunteering can be something social, where you meet new people. It can be something you do as a family.

And at the end of your life, you’re not going to remember having a spotless, well-maintained home. Or how many things you crossed off your task list. You’re going to remember the things you did with your family and friends. The experiences you created.

I’m not saying you should skip out on your priorities. But we also need to make time for ourselves and time for fun. And it’s ok to schedule it. You should schedule it, otherwise, it’s not going to happen.

And, when you take breaks from your task list, you just might find yourself more productive when you come back to it. You might find that doing something else helps you solve some big client problem or gives you an idea for something at work.

Your future self will thank you!

Moms Do Too Much. Knowing Your Values Can Help.

Organization, time management

Really, what do you value? What does your family value?

One of the reasons I do this work is because I value time. Yours and mine.

You’ve heard me say this before, moms do too much.

We are told that to have it all, we have to do it all.

And I don’t buy it. And I’m on a mission to change this.

I want moms to feel like they have time to have fun with their kids. To spend time with their partner and their friends. And to not feel guilty about all the things that aren’t getting done while they’re out having fun!

Yes, parenting is hard. Yes, it’s often exhausting and overwhelming.

But we don’t have to spend our days simply flinging from one task to another without end.

So if you value your time and you’re ready for things to change, let’s talk. Schedule a Get On Track call today.

moms do too much

And if you’re still coming up with excuses, here are a few reasons why scheduling this call could be just the thing you need!

  1. Feel pulled in too many directions? How about no more days of too many tasks on that list? You know your priorities and how to approach each day, no matter what it throws at you.
  2. Think there’s not enough time to do it all? What if you could create time to spend with your family and on yourself? Watch a movie? Yes, please! Spend a weekend away with friends? Heck yes! Know things are getting done and create time for fun too.
  3. Grumbled at that work project your boss just gave you? You know how to break it down into small and achievable steps. You’re ahead of the game now!
  4. Tired of all the activities? You were just asked to be on the PTA. Your kids asked to join yet another sport. You know if it fits in with your life and whether it’s a heck yes from the beginning.
  5. Is life constantly throwing changes your way? You got this! You know how to evaluate what’s working and what’s not and shift routines and systems as needed.

I look forward to chatting with you!

Your Worth Is More Than Your To-do List.

mindset shift, motivation, time management

That’s right, you are not your to-do list!

Our society tells moms their worth is wrapped up in how much they get done each day.

I’m here to tell you that it’s not.

Mom, your worth has nothing to do with how clean and organized your house is.

you are not your to-do list

It has nothing to do with how much you get done each day.

Your worth is not connected to the activities your kids do each week or how good they are at any of them.

It doesn’t matter if your kid’s clothes match when they leave the house (or if they brushed their hair).

I’m telling you that you are not your to-do list.

Mom, you are worthy simply because of who you are.

Check out my private podcast where I talk about this and more!

We talk about things like: 

  • Moms do too much!
  • Productivity hacks will only get you so far.
  • How to build a life you don’t want to run away from.
  • How to channel your inner toddler and ask WHY?!

Each episode is less than five minutes so you can listen to it In The School Pick-Up Line!

You can access this secret podcast and receive weekly mini-lessons to stop doing ALL THE THINGS yourself.  

Or, dive into my Stride Together Program. Tips, tricks, ideas, and community!

How To Gain Control Over Your To-Do List

mindset shift, motivation, time management

I’m sitting at my desk getting ready to gain control over my to-do list.

My to-do list for today has more than work tasks listed. I need to change the sheets, get my kids signed up for swim lessons, and schedule a dentist appointment.

One of the reasons moms are so exhausted is they’re never only focusing on work or only focusing on their kids.

You are constantly switching between tasks. And that constant switching is exhausting. Many things are rolling through your brain. (Hello, Mental load!)

You likely thought of 6 things you need to do today just while reading this!

The mental labor of keeping a household running is exhausting and overwhelming.

So, what can we do about it? How do you gain control over your to-do list?

First, start with a brain dump. Get all the tasks and ideas out of your head. Your brain was not meant to hold more than 4-5 ideas at a time. You don’t need to remember that you need toothpaste, write it down and stop thinking about it!

one to the next

This step alone is helpful. And it can be overwhelming to see all those tasks listed in front of you. You don’t have to do all those tasks today! I promise.

Documenting your tasks helps you categorize them. So you can run all your errands at once instead of going to the grocery store or Target 5 times over 2 weeks.

The other tip I have for you is time blocking. Have certain times of the week or day when you complete certain tasks. Monday mornings are blocked off for all my marketing tasks. I have a checklist of everything I need to do. I block time on my calendar so that people can’t schedule appointments with me until after 10am. This way, I can sit down and work my way through my checklist.

Same for laundry. I have certain days of the week I do laundry. I’ll do the occasional load if necessary. But if your laundry isn’t in the laundry basket when laundry is done, it isn’t getting clean!

What can you time block for yourself this week? It could be a work task or a household chore.

And if you want help in gaining control, let’s talk about it together!

Let’s Talk Double Standards in Parenting. Dads Don’t Babysit.

Help, mindset shift, routines, time management

Enough With The Double Standards in Parenting. Dads Don’t Babysit. Let’s talk about the double standards of parenting.

When you see a dad at the playground with his kids, what’s the first thing that goes through your head? Is it different than what you’d think about a mom at the playground?

When your partner takes care of the kids for an afternoon while you run errands or hang out with some girlfriends, what is going through your mind?

double standards in parenting

When I or my husband heads out for an evening with friends, the other one is fully in charge of the kids. That means if there’s a meltdown happening as I head out the door, I leave. Because my husband is also a parent and he can handle it. But I’ve had friends bail on dinner because one of their kids was having a tough time going to bed.

Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. If you feel your kids need you, then give them that attention.

But if you’re staying because you don’t think your partner can handle it, let’s talk about that.

There is this double standard in our society. When dads do something like take their kids to the park, we see it as this hero move. Oh, look at him, spending time with his kids. He’s such a good dad.

Yet, I could guarantee you we don’t say that about moms. When we see a mom at the park, it’s not a big deal. We’ll judge her for being on her phone or not playing with her kids. Maybe the kid falls down – it’s the mom’s fault. Not just what kids do.

My husband doesn’t babysit. He’s not a hero for taking the kids to the park or sitting down to play legos with them. He’s a dad. This is what parents do.

I’ll stay off my soap box for how our society has created this mess and how we feed right into it as parents.

But remember this, dads don’t babysit!

Too Busy to Know What We Want. Busy As A Defense Mechanism.

mindset shift, time management

“Busy is just a euphemism for being so focused on what you don’t have that you never notice what you do. It’s a defense mechanism. Because if you stop hustling—if you pause—you start wondering why you ever thought you wanted all those things.” ― Jodi Picoult, Wish You Were Here

Do you use the word busy as A defense mechanism? Not being busy brings up so many feelings that it’s easier to keep being busy. Keeping up with our neighbors. Doing all the things because that’s what we think we should be doing. And we’re scared if we stop we’ll realize that this isn’t the life we want at all.

I was talking with several parents about all the after-school activities they were doing. Someone said she does all the activities because everyone else in her neighborhood does too. What if she skipped out on soccer and her kids missed out on spending time with the other kids on the block?

And while I can understand that mentality, what if other parents are doing the same thing? What if out of five families on the block, only 2 enjoy soccer? And the others are doing it because they feel that’s the only way for their kids to have friends or spend time with others?

What if one of them stopped for a season? Chose a different activity? Or let the kids ride their bikes instead of attending a structured activity?

Jumping off the hamster wheel can be scary.

It’s easy to fall into this pattern of doing what we’ve always done. Of taking on the activities of those around us. Believing that by cultivating our kid’s skills they will grow up to be successful adults.

And we don’t spend much time thinking about it because we feel we don’t have the luxury of that time.

Our society has us constantly striving for the next best thing. We rarely take the time to evaluate what we’re doing and if it’s what we really want.

Let’s stop being busy as a defense mechanism.

My challenge for you this week is to take even a few minutes and evaluate all the activities in your life.

  • Think about how you want to be living your life. What do you want your days to look like? What memories do you want to have when you look back on your kids’ childhoods?
  • Write down all the activities you and your family are doing (outside of school and work).
  • Do these activities fit within what you want your life to look like?
    • If yes, great!
    • If not, how can you let them go?

By taking the time to evaluate the activities in your life, you will likely find something you can let go of. You’ll get some time back in your schedule to focus on something you truly want to be doing.

You’ll find that there isn’t clutter in every crevice of your day!

And your future self will thank you!

P.S. Ready to take this further? Schedule a Get on Track call.

Are Your Kids Too Busy For You To Make Friends?

habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.” ― Tina Fey, Bossypants

Are your kids too busy for you to get together with your friends? Read on for some ideas!

I was sitting on the playground recently, watching my kids play and listening to a group of parents talk about how hard it was to get together with their friends.

A dad was describing this long text thread of trying to get together with a friend to go rock-climbing. They live 30 minutes away from great climbing, but could not find a time when they were both free at the same time.

kids too busy

Same story for a mom trying to make plans with some girlfriends.

There were all the activities that the kids were doing. Soccer. Piano. Swim lessons. Dance. Gymnastics. Tuesdays and Thursdays were out. Saturdays too because that’s when the games are. And the multitude of birthday parties and other kid-centered activities that happen.

If there’s more than one kid, the activities likely fall on different days, so there goes most weekdays.

And I say there thinking to myself – it doesn’t have to be this hard, does it? It shouldn’t be this hard to make time to see our friends. Why do we design our lives to revolve around our children?

Society has led us to believe that we need to do everything for our children and keep them fully entertained all the time. That it’s selfish for us to do anything for ourselves.

Play dates. Sports. Music. They must be achieving and growing.

What happened to kids entertaining themselves while mom and dad sit and have a quiet cup of coffee together?

What would happen if you said no to a birthday party and instead spent some time with your family? Or hired a babysitter (or a neighbor) to watch your kid(s) while you and a friend went and took a walk or went for a cup of coffee?

What if each family member took one activity off their plate for the next few months? What would that extra time do for all of you?

You can design a life you love. Not one that’s requiring you to respond to stress with the torpor of a possum.

What would you let go of today to make more time for your friends?

Your future self will thank you!

Sign up for my private podcast to take the next step in what to do when your kids are too busy!

Are You Wearing Yourself Out Trying To Be Perfect?

Help, mindset shift, routines, time management

Do you have such high expectations of yourself that you feel like you are never living up to them?

Ever feel like you are constantly trying to be perfect and it’s never enough?

Maybe you spend time late at night cleaning the house so it’s organized and clean all the time.

Or you stay up late perfecting a report for work, a presentation you’re giving, or an email you need to send a client.

Maybe you worry that you’re not doing enough for your kids. That they’re not in the right activities that are going to get them in to the right college.

And you feel like it’s never enough and that you are failing every day.

It seems like if we don’t meet our expectations, we question ourselves, not the expectations.

When maybe it’s our expectations that are the problem.

I think it’s society that’s setting us up for failure.

One of the things I focus on in my client work is designing a life that you want. Not living like society or social media tells you.

But focusing on what’s important to you and your family.

Instead of striving for some version of perfect that society is telling you to strive for, clarify your own version of success.

trying to be perfect

What are your goals? And what small step can you take today to move toward them?

What short-term tasks can you let go of to focus on a long-term goal? It might be letting the laundry sit for another day while you do some research on spending a summer in a foreign country. It could be hiring someone to deep clean your house once a month so you can spend time hiking with your family.

Ask yourself if the world will stop spinning if the task isn’t done perfectly. I’m guessing the answer is no. So maybe good enough or done is OK.

Don’t waste your days living someone else’s life!

Define your own success!

If you’re ready to figure this out in your own life, schedule a Get On Track call.

Or, sign up for my private podcast.

Decision Fatigue! Did You Know That You Make 35,000 Decisions A Day?

motivation, routines, time management

Let’s talk about decision fatigue.

Did you know that people make over 35,000 decisions a day?

This is why, when it’s time for dinner and you haven’t planned it, you have wine and M&M’s and feed your kids cereal (there’s nothing wrong with this, on occasion, by the way).

Moms already have enough on their plates. There’s no need to make life more complicated.

Having some basic routines and systems in your days and weeks helps simplify things. Remove decisions where you can.

decision fatigue

Have a menu that repeats every 2 weeks. You have chicken every Thursday. The spices and sides can change, but you know roughly what you’re eating. Every Monday is something vegetarian. Keep a list of meal ideas so you can easily plan those vegetarian meals without too much thought.

Have certain days of the week for laundry. Or, do one load a day. Figure out what laundry routine works best for you. I wash clothes on Sundays and sheets/towels on Fridays. I have a friend who does one full load (from washing to putting it away) every day. Figure out what works for you and your family and stick with it.

Have a list of things to which you will say no. This is important. Shiny objects. Clothes you don’t need. Toys your kids don’t need. Activities and commitments are just one more thing to keep track of. Figure out what’s important and say no to the rest!

The point is to take as many decisions as possible out of your day. Because 35,000 decisions a day is just too many!

Your future self will thank you!

Ready to deal with your decision fatigue? Sign up for my private podcast today!

Mothering Doesn’t Have To Be This Hard

habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation, time management

Maybe mothering doesn’t have to be this hard.

Do you have days where you feel like you missed a class on how to be an adult?

Where the to-do list is overwhelming and never-ending? And you wonder if you’ll ever feel on top of your game?

I know I have! Mothering doesn’t have to be this hard if we do it together.

This is why I created Stride Productivity and my virtual community, Stride Together.

Because being a mom is hard. Being a mom while also working a full-time job or running your own business is hard. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard!

And I want moms to know they’re not alone.

Mothering doesn't have to be this hard.

I want moms to know what it feels like to not have clutter and tasks in every crevice of their day.

To make time for fun.

To spend quality time with their families.

And to have a sense of control.

It is possible.

I want moms to know they can stop:

  • Ending each day exhausted and drained but feeling like you didn’t do enough. There’s still laundry to put away. You didn’t get to that work project you wanted to start on. And you don’t remember the last time you had an actual conversation with your partner.
  • Feeling pulled in too many directions. You want to say yes to your kids when they ask you to join them on the swings. But you have work emails to respond to, dinner to figure out, and a piece of paper you need to find and sign for your son’s soccer team.
  • Carrying all of the mental load. You’d like to talk with your partner, but you’re too tired to have the conversation. At least for today, it’s easier to take in on yourself.

If you want to learn more, schedule a Get On Track call with me today. Let’s talk about how to help you stop feeling so exhausted and drained.

My Daughter Wanted To Help Mom Clean Up The Mess

habits, Help, mindset shift, routines, time management

How did it get so messy? Does a pack of wild animals live here?

Big sigh.

We were all picking up toys and clutter so that we could more thoroughly clean it. My 5-year-old daughter refused to participate. She’s 5. She’s stubborn and she’s not going to do anything she doesn’t want to do.

So I let it go and we all moved on.

A little while later, I hear her saying she’s cleaning up to help mom clean up the mess.

Now, I understand that often our kids do stuff around the house to help mom. Mom’s the one who manages the chores and house cleaning (more on why this is a problem at a later date.

But I didn’t like the way she said this. I didn’t like that she was only doing it because Mom was mad.

We are a team in our household. Keeping the house clean and organized is not just mom’s job. It’s everyone’s job. Because we all live here.

We don’t clean the house to make mom happy. We clean and declutter the house so we can find what we need and don’t get ants.

Everyone participates in keeping the house functioning.

Here are some ideas to get everyone involved:

  • Make it fun. Don’t tell your kid to go clean their room. Their brains will shut down and it won’t happen.
    • Help them play the seek and sort game.
    • Turn it into a game. We play basketball with my kids’ laundry. You can do the same with any toys that go into a bin. (side note, don’t use bins with lids.
    • Have kids race against you (never against each other. Siblings are already competitive enough). See if they can put something away faster than you.
  • Make it easy to put things away. (Lids add one more step).
  • Have special time with them first.
  • Do something fun together as a family once you’re done.
to help me

If your kids are older, these same guidelines apply. Get them to participate. Ask them how they want to participate (and skipping out is not an option).

Build routines around decluttering and cleaning.

Keep it small. We clean half the house each weekend so it’s not overwhelming. We pick up most of the mess each day so it doesn’t get overwhelming.

Everything has a home, so it’s easy to put things away.

How cluttered your house gets is up to you and those who live there. What is your level of acceptance of mess? I don’t have the energy for a spotless house every day. I do like a weekly reset.

Figure out what works for your family. It’s not just help mom clean up the mess.

Spend some time this week talking with your family about how to start working together to keep the house functioning. Pick one of the above ideas and put it into action!

Ready to implement this in your life? Sign up for my private podcast!

Where Do I Even Start? It’s Such a Mess?

mindset shift, motivation, routines, time management

In this beautiful book I read with my kids, Suzy’s mom tells her to pick up her room. Her room is such a mess that she’s not even sure where to start. She feels overwhelmed by the mess. What should she do?

Have you been there?

Have you ever taken a look at your kitchen, the piles of kids’ toys, your to-do list for work, and just stood there?

Overwhelmed and unsure of where to even start?

such a mess

I have.

The endless lists. The piles that keep appearing, like a game of whack-a-mole. The dishes, laundry, kids’ toys. The emails, slack messages, interruptions. The work projects.

Where do you even start when it’s such a mess?

Do what Suzy and her mom do. (and what I do with my kids when their toys are all over the house).

Play the seek and sort game. Pick one task, one list, one subject. And start.

Process your emails (not just read them, but respond, delete, file, figure out the next action).

Find that one task that’s been lingering on your list and do it.

Find all the tasks that will take less than two minutes and see how many you can do in 30 minutes.

Identify the next step on an important work project and take it.

Set a timer for 15 minutes and work on that task you have been avoiding.

The point here is to pick one spot, any spot, and tackle it.

And, if you’re really struggling, put all the tasks on separate sheets of paper in a bowl and draw one out. Do it. Repeat.

Seek. Sort. Start.

Your future self will thank you.

This is a true picture of my kid’s old playroom. It was amazing how quickly they made a mess to the point that they couldn’t play in it! And we had to pick one spot, one toy category, and start cleaning up! Life can feel this messy sometimes, huh?!

Sign up for my private podcast for more ideas!

Watch As She Bends But Never Breaks

habits, mindset shift, motivation, time management

She bends but never breaks. In the song, Surface Pressure, from Encanto, we find Luisa singing the following lyrics.

I take what I’m handed, I break what’s demanding But

Under the surface

I feel berserk as a tightrope walker in a three-ring circus

Under the surface…

I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service…

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that’ll never stop, whoa

Pressure that’ll tip, tip, tip ’til you just go pop, whoa-oh-oh

Give it to your sister, it doesn’t hurt

And see if she can handle every family burden

Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks

Luisa is singing about how she feels so much pressure and is wondering if she can handle it.

She’s always been expected to be the strong one in the family. And the family and town keep throwing tasks at her and expecting her to take more and more on.

She feels herself crumbling under the pressure. She also starts to realize that she doesn’t always have to be the strong one. That she doesn’t always have to take everything on. That she’s more than the strong one. And she really needs a break. We watch as she bends but never breaks.

Do these words resonate with you? Do you feel the pressure of taking everything on yourself?

You take everything that’s thrown at you. You bend but never break.

But underneath everything, you feel a bit berserk? Trying not to crumble under the pressure? Feeling like your worth is wrapped up in service to your family?

Maybe you too are developing a twitch in your eye from the pressure.

Know that you don’t need to carry the weight of the world by yourself. That you and your family are a team. You work together.

Know that you don’t have to do every task on your to-do list today.

One of the things I work on with my clients is making sure that what’s on your list belongs there. Today and long-term. You don’t have to say yes to everything.

The world will continue to tell you that your worth is wrapped up in your task list and how you serve your family.

I will continue to tell you that this isn’t true.

If you want to hear more about this topic, sign up for my private podcast or talk directly with me on a Get On Track call.