Tag Archives: mindset shifts

Why I Love The Fair Play Method And You Should Too

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Wondering how to deal with all that mom rage? The Fair Play Method might be your answer! Keep reading to learn more.

Mom rage is real. That anger and resentment at feeling like we are responsible for everything.​From making sure our kids have shoes that fit, and there’s shampoo and toilet paper in the bathroom to signing the kids up for summer camp on the day registration opens.​

It’s never-ending and it’s exhausting.​Maybe you want to talk with your partner about it. But you can’t find the energy or the time. So you carry on, doing everything. Because that feels easier.​ Someday you’ll get around to the conversation. Or maybe you’ll go on strike. Or run away.

​Yes, moms deserve to feel all the rage. But what if we could change it?

​When I discovered the Fair Play method, I felt like here was the answer. Fair Play is a method that gets both partners on the same team. It’s me and my husband against the dishes, not against each other.
​It’s a system that sets you and your partner up for success in your relationship and parenting! It takes the invisible and makes it visible.

​It helps you and your partner share the load of managing a house and raising kids. Tasks are strategically shared between both partners, with your shared values and mutually agreed-upon expectations as your guideposts.​No one holds any task by default. And, you don’t have to be responsible for a task indefinitely.

​I got tired of feeling like the dishes were my responsibility. I would walk into the kitchen and see a pile of dishes needing to be dealt with. We both work from home but my job is more flexible than my husband’s. So I often felt like I should do more around the house.​What that turned into is that I was spending more time cleaning the kitchen than focusing on work. And I started to feel major resentment about it.

Using the Fair Play Method, we talked about it. We decided that one person would be fully in charge of the dishes from Sunday to Saturday.​

This includes emptying and loading the dishwasher. Hand washing anything that doesn’t go in the dishwasher. And making sure the kitchen is clean enough at night that whoever is making breakfast can make breakfast without cleaning the kitchen.

Fair Play Method

​And one person couldn’t leave a mess for the next person to take over Sunday. If you were behind on dishes, you spent Sunday catching before the other person took over.​

​We checked in with each other every few weeks to see how it was going. Then, we layered on other tasks. If it’s your week for dishes, you are also responsible for dealing with the trash and recycling.​This might look different in your family. Because we’re all different. And what works in this season, might not work 6 months from now.

​Which is why regular check-ins are necessary. Start with one or 2 tasks. Talk about it. Come up with a plan. Then layer on other tasks.

​We’re not looking for a 50/50 split of tasks. It’s what works for you and your family In this season.

​And, one person is not in charge of something forever and ever. Unless that works for you! I do the laundry. I don’t mind it. My husband makes dinner most nights. I don’t like to cook and he does. We’re working on getting our kids more involved. Which is a topic for another time!

​I like this method because it gets everyone on a level playing field. You start by talking about your values. And look at the tasks and activities you do and why.

​What do birthdays look like in your family? What do holidays look like? Who is maintaining relationships with extended family and what does that look like? What ongoing activities do you want you and your family to do? Sports? Music? Volunteering?

​When you start with these conversations and build from there, you start to create a life that you don’t want to run away from. You create time to spend with your family and your partner without the ticker tape of tasks running through your head. Because you know they’re being taken care of.​

​Because you do not have to do it all.​

Want to learn more? Sign up for my private podcast or schedule a free 45-minute coaching call with me!

Mindset Shifts: It’s All In Your Head

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Let’s take a look at Mindset Shifts. Mindset is a big part of productivity. 

What? It’s not just getting as much done as possible every day? Finding tweaks to be more efficient? 

No, not to me at least. And no matter how efficient you are, there will always be more to do than we have time for. That to-do list will never end. And that is ok. 

My goal is to focus on getting the right things done each day.

Those tasks that move me forward, both professionally and personally. That I’m not just putting out fires every day. I’m making progress on projects and making time for myself and the things I enjoy doing (even if that means letting the laundry sit for a while). 

In trying to keep up with house cleaning, we clean half the house each week. It feels less overwhelming this way. In an ideal world, we work together as a family.

Recently, my five-year-old had no interest in helping us clean. I had asked her to pick up some toys that needed to be put away. She threw a fit, I got mad. No toys were cleaned up. 

A little while later, I hear her picking up the toys. She said she was cleaning up to make mom happy and help mom clean. 

The way she said this bothered me. 

We don’t clean the house to make mom happy. Yes, I might be the one leading the troops through it. But we all work together. We all help each other. It’s not just for me. It’s for all of us. We all live in this house. 

We say it’s great when a husband or dad helps out with house chores or the kids. But the men live here too. They are parents, not babysitters. My husband is my teammate, not an employee. We may have different levels of cleanliness. One of us may be more particular about how something is done than someone else. But we are a team. 

I’m talking about a subtle mindset shift here. That it’s not one person demanding everyone else clean to his or her level of cleanliness, on their timeline. It’s not taking on this level of stress making everything happen ourselves as the women in the household. 

It’s working together as a team and communicating with others in the household. 

One way to do this is through family meetings. 

Change is a Process, not an event. mindset shifts

Family meetings are so helpful in keeping the house functioning and everyone on the same page. What you talk about will change from week to week and season to season. 

Start having weekly family meetings. Our meetings are maybe 5 minutes long, that’s all my kids can handle. And right now, all we really talk about is cleaning tasks and what one fun thing we each want to do over the weekend. We also ask the kids about what went well for them this past week and what they’d like to see us do differently next week. 

Here are some other things you can talk about during a family meeting. 

  • Division of household tasks
  • What’s going well / what’s not working
  • Upcoming schedules
  • Discussion of bigger family issues – vacations, new routines, changes to a schedule, etc. 

What would a family meeting help you accomplish? Schedule a free coaching call with me to get started today! Or, sign up for my private podcast for more ideas.