Tag Archives: routines

Giving Tree: Your Time is Just as Important as Everyone Else’s.

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Have you read Shell Silverstein’s book, The Giving Tree?

The tree continues giving to the man until there’s nothing left to give. She’s a stump, having given all herself away.

If I were to ask you how you feel when you give to your family, what words come to mind? When you are making sure everyone has the right toothpaste and clean socks. When you are taking care of all the emotional needs that come with raising children!

Do the following words resonate with you? Noble? Generous? Valuable? Purposeful? Sacrificial? Depleted? Resentful? Angry?

Have you become a giving tree in your own life? Giving to others without giving anything to yourself? And ultimately, you end up resentful that you never get to focus on your own goals because you are too busy serving your family.

Society has conditioned moms to give every ounce of themselves to their families. And to feel guilty when they want to take any time for themselves. Whether to take a nap, a long shower, or focus on their own goals.

It doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, it can’t be this way.

When you constantly give yourself to others, you become resentful and drained.

You can even end up physically ill from giving so much of yourself to others.

However, when you learn how to give yourself permission to be unavailable. To burn guilt and shame, you get to step away from mom guilt.

From martyr-mode. Into your full power as a person outside of parenting.

I know you’ve read the books, tried the methods, and feel like nothing works. You’re stuck in this Groundhog Day exhaustion, resentment, and frustration.

But, there is hope.

You become a better parent and partner when you hold boundaries in your life. When you take steps, even small ones, to reach your own goals.

When you start to value your own time, you show your kids that everyone in the family is important. Everyone deserves time to focus on their own goals and be their own person.

Everyone contributes to the household and everyone deserves their own goals and passions.

This might feel impossible to you right now. But the way that you get started is simple.

Start by scheduling time for yourself. Even if it’s 5 or 10 minutes.

This is time that your partner or someone else is in charge of the kids. Maybe you leave the house and take a 10-minute walk once a day. Maybe you take yourself out for coffee.

Maybe you drive to the nearest park and sit on a bench for 10 minutes, taking deep breaths and obsessing over how bathtime is going at home.

But create that time for yourself.

Even if you have no idea what you want to do during that time. If you’ve lost sight of your own goals.

Take 5 minutes to have a cup of tea and sit in the quiet.

Take 10 minutes to think about things you used to enjoy before life got busy with kids, household tasks, and work.

Create the time.

And hold to that time like you would a work meeting, time with your kids, or a doctor’s appointment.

Your partner can handle the kids for 5 minutes. You can leave a snack out before you leave.

Over time, you can increase this to an entire evening once a month. Maybe once a week if you want to get crazy!

We can explore how to take this to another level down the road. For today, get some time on your calendar and make it happen.

Want to talk through how to make this happen? Schedule a Get On Track call with me.

Why I Love The Fair Play Method And You Should Too

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Wondering how to deal with all that mom rage? The Fair Play Method might be your answer! Keep reading to learn more.

Mom rage is real. That anger and resentment at feeling like we are responsible for everything.​From making sure our kids have shoes that fit, and there’s shampoo and toilet paper in the bathroom to signing the kids up for summer camp on the day registration opens.​

It’s never-ending and it’s exhausting.​Maybe you want to talk with your partner about it. But you can’t find the energy or the time. So you carry on, doing everything. Because that feels easier.​ Someday you’ll get around to the conversation. Or maybe you’ll go on strike. Or run away.

​Yes, moms deserve to feel all the rage. But what if we could change it?

​When I discovered the Fair Play method, I felt like here was the answer. Fair Play is a method that gets both partners on the same team. It’s me and my husband against the dishes, not against each other.
​It’s a system that sets you and your partner up for success in your relationship and parenting! It takes the invisible and makes it visible.

​It helps you and your partner share the load of managing a house and raising kids. Tasks are strategically shared between both partners, with your shared values and mutually agreed-upon expectations as your guideposts.​No one holds any task by default. And, you don’t have to be responsible for a task indefinitely.

​I got tired of feeling like the dishes were my responsibility. I would walk into the kitchen and see a pile of dishes needing to be dealt with. We both work from home but my job is more flexible than my husband’s. So I often felt like I should do more around the house.​What that turned into is that I was spending more time cleaning the kitchen than focusing on work. And I started to feel major resentment about it.

Using the Fair Play Method, we talked about it. We decided that one person would be fully in charge of the dishes from Sunday to Saturday.​

This includes emptying and loading the dishwasher. Hand washing anything that doesn’t go in the dishwasher. And making sure the kitchen is clean enough at night that whoever is making breakfast can make breakfast without cleaning the kitchen.

Fair Play Method

​And one person couldn’t leave a mess for the next person to take over Sunday. If you were behind on dishes, you spent Sunday catching before the other person took over.​

​We checked in with each other every few weeks to see how it was going. Then, we layered on other tasks. If it’s your week for dishes, you are also responsible for dealing with the trash and recycling.​This might look different in your family. Because we’re all different. And what works in this season, might not work 6 months from now.

​Which is why regular check-ins are necessary. Start with one or 2 tasks. Talk about it. Come up with a plan. Then layer on other tasks.

​We’re not looking for a 50/50 split of tasks. It’s what works for you and your family In this season.

​And, one person is not in charge of something forever and ever. Unless that works for you! I do the laundry. I don’t mind it. My husband makes dinner most nights. I don’t like to cook and he does. We’re working on getting our kids more involved. Which is a topic for another time!

​I like this method because it gets everyone on a level playing field. You start by talking about your values. And look at the tasks and activities you do and why.

​What do birthdays look like in your family? What do holidays look like? Who is maintaining relationships with extended family and what does that look like? What ongoing activities do you want you and your family to do? Sports? Music? Volunteering?

​When you start with these conversations and build from there, you start to create a life that you don’t want to run away from. You create time to spend with your family and your partner without the ticker tape of tasks running through your head. Because you know they’re being taken care of.​

​Because you do not have to do it all.​

Want to learn more? Sign up for my private podcast or schedule a free 45-minute coaching call with me!

Jury Duty and Being Prepared

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I recently spent 8 days serving on a jury. I was not prepared for this, as most cases in Denver last 2-3 days. As I realized I was going to be seated on this jury,  after the judge had said the case could take 8 days, I started thinking of how my life was going to be impacted. What would I need to reschedule and who would watch my kids?

I’m not going to say that I came home that day and magically got my life prepared for the next 2 weeks. We had take out for dinner as I was too tired to cook. And I’m sure we didn’t have the kids put their toys away before bed (which we try to do each night). I did do a load of laundry, gave my kids a few extra hugs, and figured out who was going to watch the kids the next few days.

be prepared

What I learned through this experience is how important it is to have some simple maintenance routines. We usually have our meals planned for the week. We prep much of our food on Sundays or early in the week. Our fridge has a drawer marked ‘raw meat only’ so we can defrost several days of meat/fish at once. This makes for easy dinners because food just needs to go in the oven. I did a load of laundry and cleaned the kitchen each night. And I spent a few minutes after the kids went to bed cleaning out emails, packing lunches, stocking the diaper bag, and identifying priorities for the next day.

Be Prepared

There are many simple organizing tasks you can do each day to keep on top of the clutter. If everything in your house has a home, it’s easy to put stuff away, see what needs to be replaced, or what you can get rid of. There are also plenty of things you can delegate. Can you hire a house cleaner? Someone to mow the lawn? Can your kids start doing more chores (put away their clean laundry, take out the trash, feed the pets). Do you need to reevaluate who does what tasks with your partner?

What are some tasks that you can start doing every day to make life a little simpler? Schedule some time with me (or send me a message) and let’s find a way to get some order back in your life! 

Morning and Evening Routines

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morning and evening routinesSeptember is almost over. The school year has been underway for several weeks now. Hopefully, your command center is set up, your kids’ homework stations are working, and packing lunches are easy! Let’s take a few minutes to check in on your morning and evening routines. Are they still working for you?

Let’s start with your evening routine. The more you do the night before, the easier your morning is going to be. Here are some tips for your evening routine.

  • Plan breakfast for the next morning.
  • Pull out anything that needs to defrost for dinner and put it in the fridge.
  • Pack lunches for the next day.
  • Pack backpacks, purses, and bags with items needed for the next day. What events (soccer practice, piano lessons, choir, etc.) are happening? What does each person need for their activities?
  • Sign all permission slips and place them in backpacks.
  • Pick your clothes out (and have your kids’ pick out theirs).
  • Set alarm clocks!

Now that you’re ready for the next day, your morning should run a bit smoother. Give yourself plenty of time to get ready before the kids get up. This will help you feel less rushed. And make sure your kids get up with plenty of time to get ready. My daughter likes to read books or play for a bit before we head off to school. I plan time into our morning for that.

What other tasks do you need to complete in the morning? Get the dishwasher running, or dinner in the crockpot? Have a checklist on the wall by the door to make sure you have everything you need as you head out the door!

What changes do you need to make to your routines for your mornings smoother? Call me and let’s chat! Continue reading Morning and Evening Routines →