How To Evaluate How You Spend Your Days

routines, time management

Do you spend your days crossing tasks off your to-do list and making plans and going and going and going? It can be important to stop and evaluate how you spend your days.

Take some time to check in with what’s working and what’s not. Ask ourselves questions and really reflect on what we’re doing.

evaluate how you spend your days

I know. I know. You don’t have the time.

But, what if taking this time helped you create more time?

Start by tracking your time. Every 30 minutes, stop and write down what you are doing. Don’t wait until the end of the day because it won’t be accurate. You can find a PDF or an app to help you here.

Take some time, even 15 minutes, and ask yourself the following questions.

  • What commitments have you taken on in the last 3 months? Are they working for you? Or do you need to find a way to let them go?
  • Are there routines that need to shift?
  • What do the next 3 months look like? What projects do you need to plan now?

When you evaluate your time, you might find places to make changes, freeing up time you didn’t think you had! I had a client who tracked her time and we discovered she was going to the grocery store multiple times each week. We streamlined the way she shopped and were able to give her time back in her week.

Want to get started on this? Schedule a call with me.

What to do when you are overwhelmed, Mom?

routines, time management

What do you do when you are overwhelmed, Mom? When you want to run away from your life?

I know my life is reaching a point of overwhelm when there are too many post-it notes. When I feel like all I’m doing is creating to-do lists. But not actually doing any of the tasks on the post-its or lists. 

When this happens, I take a few minutes to get all the tasks and ideas out of my head. Then figure out what needs to happen right now, today, or this week. 

When we have a sense of our commitments, it’s easier to say yes or no to something. If it’s a work project, we can talk about renegotiating deadlines. If it’s a volunteer commitment, we know if have the time to give. If it’s our kids asking to do one more activity, we can have a conversation as a family about whether it makes sense or will lead to more overwhelm.

overwhelmed, mom overwhelmed woman with too many people asking things of her.
How many things have you said yes to in your life because you:
  1. Didn’t know how to say no at the moment?
  2. Felt obligated to do it even though you really didn’t want to?

Remember that every time you say yes to something you are saying no to something else. And sometimes we have to say no to something that seems like a great opportunity because we know that there’s a better one out there. (Or, we know we need to leave breathing room in our schedules). Make sure that yes is worth it. 

I want you to design a life that you don’t need to escape from. One that doesn’t have you dreading every Monday. Where you aren’t resentful of the activities you and your family are committed to outside of work and school. 

It’s a life full of activities and tasks that deserve to be there.

If you’re feeling resentful and want to figure out a way to change this, let’s talk! 

Do you find routines stifling or helpful?

routines, time management

Let’s talk about whether you find routines stifling or helpful.

It’s 5 pm. I’m staring at the fridge, wondering what we’re going to have for dinner. I don’t like to cook. If it’s not planned or prepped, we’re having frozen pizza. 

Once we started weekly meal planning (and prepping) our weeknight dinners got easier. Veggies and potatoes were prepped and the meat was defrosted. All I needed to do was turn on the oven, toss everything in a pan, and roast it. 

Sunday is laundry day. I refuse to wash clothes any other day of the week unless absolutely necessary. If you want your clothes washed, they better be in the hamper when I start. Otherwise, it will wait until next week. 

Routines are helpful concept. tired housewife meditates in lotus position in laundry room near washing machine and dirty clothes

I’m working on implementing certain days of the week for certain work tasks. Something like marketing Monday where Monday is focused on all my marketing tasks. Maybe you have planning meetings on certain days of the week or focus on specific projects at specific times. 

Do you find routines stifling or helpful? Do you think that having routines in your life helps with your creativity or hurts it? 

It is possible to have routines in your life and also flexibility. When your days are planned and structured down to the minute, any disruption throws things into disarray. 

When you have routines and structure with space for the unexpected, everything flows smoothly. 

What routines do you need in your days? Below are a few areas to add routines to your days. 

  • Laundry
  • Meal planning and prep
  • Recurring work tasks
  • Morning routines
  • Evening routines

Ask yourself the following questions related to building routines:

  • What are all the steps needed to complete this routine?
  • When does each step need to happen?
  • Who is responsible for each step?

I also recommend spending the last 30 minutes of your workday cleaning up your workspace. Check your calendar and tasks for tomorrow. Celebrate what you accomplished today. Process emails. File paperwork. Check your physical inbox, if you have one. Prepare yourself for tomorrow. 

Routines can make your life easier! And when your brain knows that tasks are taken care of, it can solve other problems!

Want more ideas on adding routines to your life? Sign up for my private podcast!

Let’s Talk About Why Task Management Is Important.

time management

Last week we talked about shifting your thinking. It’s one of the steps I think is most important and also the hardest. This week let’s look at something more tangible, task management. 

I realized that it was taking me too long to put away laundry because my kid’s clothes are often inside out. I was spending too much time turning everything right side out. So I stopped. My daughter recently wore a pair of pants wrong side out because that’s how they came out of the drawer. I’m not taking the time to fix that and apparently, my kids don’t care! And next time they’ll be correct because they turned right side out again when she took them off! It seems to only bother the adults when kids wear something wrong-side out or backward. Let’s let it go!

I’m sharing this story because your task list is long. And it could likely be shorter. But you’ve said yes to too many things. And you’re doing too much.

Do you know where your time goes? Not just guessing, but truly knowing? 

Do you have a sense of all your tasks? Including activities, commitments,  and upcoming projects? 

Do you spend your days with tasks running through your head? 

And have you ever timed your tasks so that you know how long a recurring task takes? 

Track your time

Even if you think you know where your time goes, it’s helpful to track your time. Over a week, document each task, in 30-minute increments. This doesn’t mean that you sit down at the end of the day and write down what you think you did. You stop what you’re doing every 30 minutes and write it down. Use these resources to help with this.

Then go back and review your week. How much time was spent on social media? What time was wasted on unnecessary activities? How much time are you spending on work tasks? Were there any surprises or did it make sense to you? 

Use this information to change your future scheduling. Identify what’s working and what’s not. 

Complete a Brain Dump

Your brain was designed to have ideas, not hold them. Take 10 minutes and write down everything that’s on your mind. All the tasks, big or small. 

Use a piece of paper. Use a Google doc. Try a task manager. Make it easy. 

Then, gather all your flagged emails. All your post-its. All your other lists. 

And in front of you is likely something overwhelming. It’s everything you’ve committed to. 

Take a breath. We’re going to work through this. 

Often, the act of getting these thoughts out of your head and documented in front of you helps you prioritize what’s next. You can see what you can delete or delegate. And you can see what needs to be done today or this week. 

One of the best things to do here is to make sure all your projects are broken down into the smallest next step. It’s easier to take the next step than look at a task that says monthly report. What does that mean? But when it says call Tom in sales for June’s numbers your brain knows what to do next. 

This topic is bigger than what I’m going to get into here. Start with the brain dump and initial triage. Then write out each step of a project, no matter how small. 

Time Your Tasks

This is a great idea for all of your recurring tasks. Laundry, meal planning, monthly reports. Anything you do regularly. 

Time them.  Don’t guess. Humans are terrible at estimating their time.

Once you know (roughly) how long they take, you can schedule them.

This is task management at a high level! If you want more ideas, schedule a Get On Track Call today!

Sometimes I Need To Shift My Thinking

mindset shift, time management

Let’s talk about why it can be important to shift my thinking.

My youngest takes her socks off and leaves them wherever she happens to be. So there are socks everywhere. My kid’s idea of cleaning up is making a pile of their toys somewhere without actually putting them in their homes (we have this conversation regularly and we’re working on it). 

shift my thinking

We just moved into a new home. And are likely moving back out shortly because there are so many things wrong with the house that we can’t live here until things are fixed. (a story for another time). So we haven’t unpacked much more than we need. And most of that stuff is sitting on the floor, the kitchen counters, and the couch. Because we haven’t bothered organizing items that are going to be back in boxes soon. 

It’s overwhelming. It’s draining. And it’s frustrating. 

Have you ever looked around your house and seen nothing but piles of things that need to be dealt with? 

Maybe it’s looking at all the projects you have for work. You feel like you will never complete them on time because there are too many and the deadlines are impossible. 

Or you’ve looked at your schedule and wondered how so many activities ended up there. How are you going to get your family to all these places during the week and ever eat dinner together again? 

Society has us believe that we need to do it all. Take it all on. Say yes to everything. Be busy all the time. Consume. Consume. Consume. 

But is that really how you want to be living? Being resentful that you’re working and taking care of the kids and cleaning the house and doing laundry and signing everyone up for activities and planning the next vacation? You are wondering why no one else is helping or participating?

Are you exhausted? Drained? Over it?

There is a better way. And that starts with shifting your thinking. 

First, it’s knowing that you don’t need to do it all. That your partner is capable of doing things around the house. And if it doesn’t seem that way, then maybe some counseling is in order. And your kids are capable of participating in household chores.

It’s understanding that you don’t need to be constantly scheduled with activities for you and your family. Even if each of you takes on one activity per season that’s still plenty of practices, games, and places to be. 

It’s shifting expectations, not lowering them. Do you need to sweep your kitchen floor every night? Or get to inbox zero every day? What happens if you don’t? 

I’ve decided not to organize a house that we’re packing up again soon. I’m going to focus on spending time with my kids and on my work. And maybe relaxing when I can. Because although this house has some structural issues, it also has a beautiful backyard. And sitting outside enjoying the quiet of the neighborhood while watching my kids play on the swing set is a beautiful thing. It’s finding a bit of joy in the chaos. 

When you start focusing on the right things. What really and truly matters today. You start getting stuff done during the day. You make progress on your projects and your tasks. Because they belong there. They’re what matters to you and your family and your career. 

Where can you shift your thinking today?

Real Self-care. It’s not what you think.

mindset shift, motivation, routines

Manis/Pedis. Massages. Bubbles baths. Chocolate (or your favorite junk food). This is what we talk about as self-care.

I don’t believe any of these things are really self-care. They’re what society has told us is self-care. 

massages. bubble baths. self-care.

And we’re told that we should be taking care of ourselves. Not feeling guilty for taking that bubble bath or getting a massage. 

And yes, we should be taking care of ourselves. And no, we should not be feeling guilty for filling our cups. 

But we need to take some time to figure out what really feeds our souls. And, we should be taking the time to find activities that we truly enjoy. Not what we think we should be doing. 

We need to be building lives that we don’t need to escape from. 

This means that we don’t need a weekly massage so that we can have an hour of quiet time because we have time to ourselves and for ourselves built into the week (and we actually make that time happen).  

That we’re not hiding in the pantry eating cookies straight from the package while hiding from our kids because we actually enjoy spending time with them. We fill their cups too and we have scheduled breaks from them to fill our cups.  

Yes, I do enjoy my hot chocolate. I believe chocolate feeds my soul. I am also aware that it’s a quick fix. It’s not going to fix whatever it is that got me to this place of feeling drained. 

Now, if you love your weekly massages, then have them. But don’t use them as your only form of self-care. Same for manis/pedis. 

What do you do for self-care? Beyond bubble baths and massages? What really feeds your soul?

For me, going to bed early with a good book fills my cup. Sometimes it’s a long phone call with a friend. 

Want to get started on creating a life you don’t need to escape from? Join my virtual community, Stride Together.

Your Goals, Big Rocks, And Your Time

Help, mindset shift, time management

You’ve likely heard the story or watched a video about big rocks and how it relates to your time.

what are your big rocks? jar of rocks.

Big rocks are the important things in your life. Tasks that support your values. To-dos that move you forward in your business or your personal life. Activities that are important to you. And the sand and pebbles fill in the other parts.

If you fill a glass with sand (emails, interruptions, time-wasters), there is no room for the big rocks (exercise, time with family and friends, work tasks that truly move your business or career forward). But, if you fill the glass with big rocks first, the sand fills in the cracks around them. 

You can have the same amount of sand and rocks. Same size cup. Different order of dealing with them. 

Spend some time this week thinking about your big rocks. What are they? Are you making time for them and scheduling them first? Figure out what they are and start scheduling them first. 

Let the sand fill in around them. 

And remember, sometimes we have to say no to things that seem good because they’re not great. And they don’t support our big rocks. Maybe they get put on the someday/maybe list (a topic for later this month). Or maybe you simply say no because they don’t support your big rocks. 

When we focus on our big rocks, even through small steps each day, big things can happen. 

Schedule a call with me if you want help figuring out your big rocks! Or get a PDF to help get you started.

Do You Feel Like It’s Never Enough?

mindset shift, time management

Do you spend your days running from one activity to another with your kids? Playdates, tutors, sports, and music lessons, one right after the other. Until you get home and realize you never planned dinner and the kids still have homework and you’re all exhausted? Then you remember that after dinner, you or your partner are running back out the door to attend one of your commitments at church or school or somewhere? And it feels like it’s never enough.

empty swing on the beach. It's never enough.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Are you happy rarely being present and with being exhausted all the time? 

Do you do it because you feel you need to? 

Because you’re so busy you’ve never taken the time to think about why you’re doing all of this? 

Time studies show that working moms spend as much time with their kids each week as stay-at-home moms in the 1960s. And SAHM’s spend more time with the kids now than in the 1960s. 

(I will pause here and say, that all moms work, whether they have a paying job in addition to child-rearing or not. For the sake of this discussion, working moms are those who have a paying job. And SAHM’s are full-time stay-at-home moms.)

And, no matter what we’re doing outside of parenting, society tells us it’s never enough. It starts with mommy and me classes (why dads aren’t included here is a topic I’ll get into soon). Then all the afterschool activities and the intensive help with homework and school projects. 

And it intensifies as kids get closer to college age. We’re conditioned to believe that our kids must get into the best colleges or they won’t be successful in life. Heaven forbid they want to go to the local community college or try something different with their lives. That’s not ok. We’ll look like failures as a mother. 

And, to be a good mother, we must be on the PTA, attend all activities that we possibly can, volunteer in the classroom, and bring homemade goodies anytime food is required. 

I volunteered once in my kids’ preschool and decided that it was not for me. I did volunteer a few times during my oldest’s kindergarten and first-grade years. And I left the PTA because I think schools shouldn’t have to fundraise and it just creates even more distance between wealthy and low-income schools (also a topic for another time). And I’m not going to feel guilty about any of it.

If you want to volunteer for these things and it works with your schedule, then do it. If it doesn’t, then let it go, and don’t feel bad about it. Society needs all types of people to function. We cannot be all things to all people. 

On one hand, many articles (mostly in the 80s and 90s) came out telling mothers they were abandoning their kids by going to work. That this was going to be the downfall of society because moms were working outside of the home and not home raising kids and taking care of the house. 

At the same time, time studies were showing that mothers were spending more time with their kids than previous generations. 

So our society is built on this myth that moms must spend all their time enriching their kids’ lives.

And as mothers started working outside the home, they started sacrificing sleep, self-care, and their sanity to spend as much time as possible with their kids. 

And feeling guilty about the whole thing because they feel like they’re failing no matter what they’re doing! 

Let’s all admit that this is hard. Parenthood doesn’t come with a guide. We’re doing the best we can with the resources we have. Whether you work outside the home, stay at home, work part-time, have no choice for either one or fully choose it, let’s all support each other in this. 

If you don’t want to volunteer on the PTA or in the classroom, don’t. If that’s your jam, then do it. Let’s be aware of these myths society is selling us and know that we’re all just doing the best we can.

Contact me and let’s chat about how this shows up in your life.

It’s Not That Simple When There Are Too Many Steps.

habits, Help, motivation, routines, time management

Sometimes, there are too many steps.

I’m standing in my kitchen. I need to empty my coffee maker. I’d like to clean it out too.

it's not that simple Toys on stair with foot about to step no them.

But I’m stuck. The compost bin is full and if I attempt to dump coffee grounds in it, the grounds will end up all over the counter.

I don’t want to take the time to empty the compost bin before I clean out the coffee maker. It’s a few steps, but it feels like too many right now. I have other things I need to get to. 

So, I do what any sane person would do in this situation, I walk away to deal with it later. 

While this is a simple (and maybe silly) problem, this feeling of being stuck, of wanting to deal with something but feeling overwhelmed by the steps, is common. 

It might be wanting to hire a housecleaner or a nanny. Maybe it’s getting your kids to do more around the house. Or you want regular date nights with your partner but don’t have a reliable babysitter.

Whatever it is, take a few minutes to figure out the steps to get you there. Whether it’s researching babysitters or asking your neighbors for their housecleaner recommendations.

Whether it’s something where you need to do it yourself or you want to delegate it, getting started is tough.

But think about what that’s costing you in the long run. If you could hire a nanny or a house cleaner, what kind of time would that get you? 

Figure out the first step and then take it.

Want support? Schedule a Get On Track Call today.

What Happens When We Lose Our Ability To Play?

Help, mindset shift, motivation, time management

Have you lost your ability to play? 

ability to play. empty swing on a beach.

When we become mothers, we’re so focused on raising children, taking care of the house, working, etc. that we forget how to have fun.

Our society makes us think that leisure time or doing anything for fun, without a purpose, is lazy. That there must always be a purpose to something. And yes, we talk a lot about productivity and priorities here. 

It’s also important to play. Taking a break, resting, and recharging helps our productivity. We might come up with a solution to a work problem while on a hike. Maybe the next great idea for your business comes while walking your dog or spending time with friends. 

We often collapse on the couch to watch TV because we’re too exhausted to do anything else. But watching TV is not always restorative. We choose it because we’re not sure what else to do with our time. It’s an easy choice. Or we’re folding laundry, paying bills, or doing something else while we watch TV. 

And we don’t need one more thing to do. It’s easier to keep plugging away at our to-do list. We’ll do something fun when our kids are older or the to-do list is done.

What if we took the time to play? 

The National Institute of Play says on its website that play is the gateway to vitality. 

Studies have shown that kids who have more unstructured free time to play are more socially and academically proficient in life. Kids need to have unstructured free time. This is where they learn social skills, their limits, etc. 

But play shouldn’t be only for kids. Adults need it too. And it needs to be something we do for the fun of it. 

Escape Adulthood is one of my favorite places to remind me to add a little play to my life. They remind me to stop being so focused on my to-do list and be more present. To find ways to add fun and whimsy to my days. And that it doesn’t need to be a big event for it to be fun.

Play could be learning a new instrument, taking voice lessons, learning how to sew, volunteering, taking a class on any topic that interests you, or hiking. The point is to do it for the fun of it. Not because you need to do it for work or you want to lose ten pounds. 

I want to add more play to my life. Find new hobbies, and learn new skills. And learn to be more present. I’d like to buy a piano soon and start taking lessons again. I’d like to snowshoe and cross-country ski. If you want some virtual yoga or meditation in your life, check out Cindy Glennon Wellness. 

What about you? What do you do for fun these days? 

What you do for fun? If you’re unsure how to make this happen, schedule some time to chat so we can help you find time to play!

What Is The Ideal Mother?

habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation, Organization, time management

I recently talked about maternal gatekeeping. How, as women, we’re conditioned to believe we’re better at parenting and housekeeping than our partners. How we are the ones who need to control everything, to ensure it’s done right (or done at all). And how we need to stop letting society create these ridiculous standards. 

This conditioning comes from what’s known as the Ideal Mother. This is the idea that a mother knows best. We’re led to believe this from a young age. 

Society conditions men to believe they are the ideal worker and the breadwinner. Jobs are designed around the ideal worker. The person who is always available for their work. They don’t have a life outside of work. It’s expected that there’s someone else (usually a wife), at home making sure the kids are taken care of, the house is cleaned, and dinner is on the table. 

So what happens when the wife works too? Life gets complicated. Women are expected to work like they don’t have a family to take care of and care for their family like they don’t have a job. 

But this isn’t possible and it isn’t fair. And it’s time to break this expectation. 

And it starts with a conversation. 

Yes, this might feel like one more thing you have to do. And it is. But it’s also the only way we’re going to change things. We need to get our partners on board here. And not in a guilt and shame-filled way. But in a way that leads us to be true partners, sharing childcare and household tasks in a way that’s fair to everyone. (that is different from sharing things 50/50). 

woman overwhelmed by too many tasks around the house. the ideal mother maternal gatekeeping

One of the first things to discuss is an acceptable level of cleanliness which Eve Rodksy, in her book Fair Play, labels Minimum Standard of Care. These are the agreed-upon expectations of everything in a house. Who cleans out the cat litter and when does it happen? What about the trash? What about family activities, like soccer, piano lessons, church choir, etc.? How many activities does each family member take on each season? How often do you have family dinners? 

When my kids started elementary school, I decided we were only attending birthday parties with my kids’ friends. Not every birthday party. We were not going to sign up for every activity possible. Each person gets one, maybe two activities per semester. 

Remember, you do not need to spend every day after school driving your kids around to activities. Pick one of their favorites. Carpool. Schedule things so it all happens on one crazy day, where you have take-out for dinner. Or where you can trade off with your partner on who does the driving. Meet a friend for a walk around the park while your kids are at soccer practice. Or spend one-on-one time with one kid while the other(s) are at practice. 

Don’t feel obligated to say yes to everything.

There is no need to wear yourself out. It is ok for kids to be kids. To learn how to entertain themselves. Let them figure it out. 

If you want to talk more about how to incorporate this in your life, and how to let go of all of the tasks, schedule some time with me! Or, sign up for my private podcast for more ideas!

It’s Just Easier If I Do It Myself: Maternal Gatekeeping

motivation, routines, time management

What is maternal gatekeeping and how does it impact you?

How often do you find yourself muttering…it’s just easier if I do it? Then spending the rest of the evening resentful that you did something that you feel you shouldn’t always have to do? 

maternal gatekeeping

What if, instead, there was a conversation about the task and the opportunity for someone else to do it?  Maybe it wouldn’t always be on you. If expectations were set about when and how a task was done (and who was going to complete it), it would happen without you constantly asking. 

It is possible. 

Women are conditioned that we’re the more capable parent. So we take over every aspect of raising kids and taking care of our house. 

This is known as maternal gatekeeping. It impacts relationships with our partners and our kids. It can be unconscious and unintentional. But it’s detrimental. (It can also happen in families where the parents are not together.)

Our society has told us that if a child isn’t thriving, it’s mom’s fault. If the kids aren’t wearing matching clothes or spending all their waking moments at some enrichment program, that they’re never going to get into a good college and will fail at life. 

None of this is true. And we need to stop buying into it. 

My kids have dressed themselves from a young age. They often don’t match. Their clothes are inside out or backward (sometimes both). For me, it’s more important they get themselves dressed and have agency over their own lives. It doesn’t even matter if they’re wearing weather-appropriate clothes. I just want them dressed.

And, there are costs to taking on all the emotional and mental labor of a household.

We’re tired, exhausted, drained, cranky, sleep-deprived. We are not taking care of ourselves so there’s little left to give to others. And we don’t see a way out. 

We still see dads as clueless, almost like another child we have to take care of. But dads are fit to parent. And we need to let them. It might look different than your way, but that’s a good thing. 

So what can we do about it? 

First, we can be aware of when we’re doing it. Are you redoing the dishwasher after someone else has loaded it? Do you passive-aggressively complain about how your husband never empties the trash? Are you grumbling about how you always plan family vacations and never enjoy them because it feels like it’s just as much work as being home? (That last one is me!) 

Then have a conversation with your partner about it. Without blaming or shaming your partner, talk about how you want things to be fairer around the house. Find a couples counselor who can work with you through this. Schedule time with me to talk about it. Read the book by Eve Rodsky called Fair Play. 

Talk about what really matters in your life. What is essential for everyone’s happiness? 

Want to talk about this more? Schedule some time with me!

Or, sign up for my private podcast.

More Thoughts On The Dishes

Help, mindset shift, time management

Ever redo a task that someone else did because you feel it was not done well enough? Maybe it’s the dishwasher, maybe it’s folding laundry, maybe it’s something for work. 

And how often do you complain that others in your house don’t help? Do you spend your time with friends complaining about how you do it all around the house? How your partner just doesn’t see all that you do or even know that you do it?

You feel exhausted, overwhelmed, or tired of it all.

I wonder if we bring some of the chaos on ourselves. 

I wonder if by redoing a task that someone else completed, we take away their power and motivation. Thereby starting a cycle where they stop doing it and we get mad because now they’re not doing it. 

I had a college roommate who would reclean the bathroom after I cleaned it because he didn’t think I did a good enough job. So I stopped cleaning the bathroom. Maybe he got mad and now he thought I was lazy, but I’m not going to do something that someone else is going to redo. It’s not worth my time and effort. 

What if our partners (and maybe even our kids) feel this way? They’re tired of the nagging and having their work redone. Wondering why they even bother if it’s not good enough. 

Last week I talked about how men and women have the same level of messiness. Society conditions women to care more and get to it quicker. So we expect tasks to be completed on our timeline. Not allowing others to have agency. 

I wonder what would happen if we set the expectation of when something needs to be done and let our partners do it on their own time.

It can start with a conversation. With our partners. Our families. A counselor.

Remember that half the population wasn’t raised to see all the work it takes to run a household and raise kids. It’s not that they’re ignoring it, they don’t know it exists. And, as women, when we take it all on, our partners still don’t see it because we’re doing it. 

These changes require patience and time. We’re not going to change these deep-seated tendencies overnight. But we can start. 

Let’s start by making it more visible. Stop doing all the housework after everyone else is in bed. Stop redoing something someone else has already done. Even if you can fit more dishes in the dishwasher or think something should be folded differently, stop yourself. Try celebrating that someone else did it and now you don’t have to. That’s one thing off your plate! 

Folding laundry Arm throwing laundry in to baskets redo a task

My kids don’t fold their clothes. The clothes are sorted by item and shoved in drawers. They know how to fold, but I’m not going to spend a bunch of time folding their clothes or nagging them to do it. We sort them, play a game of basketball as they toss their clothes into the drawers, and call it a day. 

Ask for help and give the other person ownership over the task. They’re not helping you, you’re working as partners. Buy the cards from Fair Play and use them for a discussion about household work. 

We aren’t going to solve this problem with a conversation, but we can start shifting it with a conversation. 

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What To Do About Never Ending Dishes

Help, mindset shift, routines

The dishes. Again. It seems like there are never-ending dishes.

With four people home all the time, we run our dishwasher a lot. There is often a clean load in the dishwasher, with even more dishes sitting on the kitchen counter waiting to be dealt with. 

I realized recently that I had it in my head that my husband expected me to deal with the dishes. Yes, we’re both home all day. But my schedule is more flexible, I’m with the kids more during the day, working while they’re in their remote learning classes. So, of course, why wouldn’t I be the one to deal with all the household tasks too? 

dishes. again. let's change the narratives.

Then I realized how incorrect this thinking is. It wasn’t that he expected me to do it. He wasn’t thinking about it at all. He was focused on work. And he would deal with the dishes later, after work, while he was making dinner. 

I read an article in the Atlantic about how men and women are equally messy. But men don’t notice as much. Women feel pressure to keep their spaces clean, organized, and pretty. Ourselves too. Now, I will leave space here on how we feel more in control of our lives when we’ve cleaned and purged our house. I too clean and organized when stressed out.

Society conditions women from a young age to keep the house and family organized.

We wrap our worth up in it. Women operate on a different time scale than men. So it appears that we take it all on because men won’t. When men haven’t been conditioned to deal with it as quickly as women. 

And the pattern continues. Women take on the tasks because we think men aren’t going to do it, instead of letting them do it on their own time. Then the men just stop doing tasks around the house, because the women do it all anyway. And it continues. 

And our kids see this. They see mom doing all the household chores, organizing schedules, and planning everything. And they grow up thinking that’s how it’s done. 

It’s time to change that narrative. 

I realize I’m asking women to take on one more thing here. I’m also asking women to get their partners in on this. To start having these conversations together. To start shifting the dynamics in your house to more equity. Involve everyone in the household. Down to the youngest child. 

When my kids complain about not wanting to do something around the house, I remind them that we all live here. We all contribute to the household and we all need to work together.

Here are some more thoughts on this topic. And if you want to talk more about this, schedule a free coaching call

Or, sign up for my private podcast.

Who Has The Time To Time Block?

routines, time management

Do you time block? Do you know what that is? Time blocking is assigning a specific time to a specific task. This could work in several ways. 

time block. rock in sand.
  • Processing emails at specific times (30 minutes at lunch and the last 30 minutes of your workday).
  • Scheduling all the calls you need to make for work on Thursday morning. 
  • Blocking time once a week for planning the next few weeks (so important to keep you on top of things!). 
  • Mondays are for marketing, Tuesdays are for staff meetings and open office doors for any staff questions, and Wednesdays are for creative planning, etc. 
  • Scheduling time each week for bigger projects that require focused deep work for several hours.
  • Do laundry or buy groceries on certain days. 

Time blocking ensures you get the big stuff done. It’s scheduling the big rocks and letting all the sand fall around them.

Spend your days focusing on your priorities, not flinging from one task to another. You get ahead of the fires and last-minute urgent tasks.

And when you block the time on your calendar, you’ve made time for those priorities. Your brain can rest because it knows the important tasks are taken care of.

What happens if you’ve blocked your time but a crisis interrupts it? Good question.

If this happens, it helps to have a handle on your tasks and schedule over the next few days or even weeks. Then you know what time blocks to switch around. Take some time to reschedule a few things so you can deal with the interruptions. Do this only after deciding whether the interruption needs to be dealt with immediately or if it can wait.

Read more about where your time goes here. And if you want to talk about how to incorporate time blocking in your days, schedule a call with me.

How do I know if I am busy or productive?

motivation, time management

Are you busy or productive? There is a difference!

What do clarity and productivity have to do with each other?

Are you clear on your life goals and values? Do the tasks on your to-do list support these goals? Or are you just doing things without really thinking about them?

It’s ok if you haven’t thought about it much. But let’s take a few minutes to do just that. If you’re only doing things on your list because they are there, without thinking about how the tasks fit in the larger plans of your life, then you are simply busy. Not productive.

And that’s no way to live.

Busy or productive Coffee cup saying: Don't be busy. Be productive.

Taking time to think about where you want to be in several years, or even six months ensures that what’s on your to-do list supports these plans.

It motivates you when you don’t want to do something on your list. It helps you clarify the next step.

Let’s Clarify

If you want to play tag with your kids or hike all summer, then taking a walk or exercising in the depths of winter is on your list. You might not want to do it today, but you know your future self will thank you.

If you are looking for a promotion at work or to grow your client base, then make sure the small steps you take today support that goal. It might mean a conversation with your supervisor or a business coach to understand those steps. It might mean stepping out of your comfort zone. Again, that clarity guides you.

That clarity guides you when you lack the motivation to do anything. Maybe you’re tired. The weather is crummy and you want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie. Maybe the weather is nice and you want to go play outside.

When you’ve done the work to clarify your values and where you are headed, you have clarity around today’s tasks. You know what needs to be done and you can take those next steps.

And when those tasks are small, you almost have no excuse to not tackle them!

If you want more information on how to start this work, sign up for a free coaching call! Or, sign up for my private podcast for more ideas!

Let’s Talk About Productivity Myths

Help, time management
productivity myths

Let’s take a look at some productivity myths. It might seem like while we are drowning in our tasks and commitments, we can’t take the time to fix things. We just stumble through, feeling like someday things will get better.

But they don’t. Because we’re not making any changes. We’re too overwhelmed. We don’t know where to start. We don’t feel that things are going to get better.

Productivity Myths

I can’t take a break or even get a good night’s sleep. I must keep working and crossing things off my to-do list.

Actually, at some point, you stop being productive because you’re so tired and exhausted.

Taking restorative breaks and even sleeping helps you get more done.

The world will not stop spinning if you take a few hours or possibly a day to take care of yourself.

And, when you rejoin the world, you’ll be more productive!

I didn’t cross everything off my list. I’m such a failure. Why can’t I get anything done?

First off, you are not a failure! My guess is you get more done each day than you give yourself credit for.

You likely have more on your list than you can actually accomplish on any given day. We only have so much time and so much energy.

Figuring out what tasks need to be done each day and letting the rest go is a big step toward changing your relationship with time.

I’d like to hear where you struggle with productivity! Connect with me on your favorite social media platform and let me know!

If you’re ready to change these myths in your life, start here.

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How Do You Know You Are Busy?

mindset shift, time management

I was recently talking to someone about being busy. She said she knows she’s busy when she’s been working 7 days straight for weeks on end. Not making time for anything fun. 

And yes, that is busy. I also wonder if being busy includes those fun activities that we said yes to long ago but no longer find fun. 

If you’re used to plowing through each day, hauling kids from one activity to another (or running to your own), crossing tasks off your list as fast as you can, falling into bed exhausted at the end of the day, then you might not even be aware of how you are spending your time.

We committed to something and continue to do it because we feel we should or we don’t know how to say no. 

We do what’s on our task list because it’s there, not really thinking about why we are doing it and if it’s worth the time. 

How do we break this cycle?

What if you tracked your time, every 30-60 minutes for one, maybe even two weeks? (Find resources on how to do that here.)

Then spend time evaluating where your time is really going. 

know you are busy

When we track our time, we know where it’s going. We might think we’re spending a lot of time working, but we’re really not (or vice versa). Or that we’re rarely on social media, but in reality, the amount of time we spend mindlessly playing on the Internet surprises us. Or that all we do is laundry and dishes. But in reality, it’s less than 20 minutes a day on both. 

Then, what if we took that information and started being more intentional with our time? Finding ways to stop doing the things that no longer serve us. Focusing on the tasks that are moving us forward in our lives, both professionally and personally. Wrapping up the projects that we’ve committed to but they linger because we’re not invested in them anymore. (and, wrapping up could include delegating or deleting, if that’s possible). 

What does your time look like? Are you busy? Or are you spending your time intentionally?

If you want to talk about tracking your time and what to do with that information once you have it, schedule a 30-minute call with me!

Sometimes I Think Busy Is A Four-Letter Word

habits, mindset shift, time management

Yes, I said it. I think busy is a four-letter word. And not a good one.

Are you constantly doing something? A task on your to-do list? A commitment or activity?

busy is a four-letter word

Is everything that you’re doing moving you forward personally or professionally? Or the required parts of living, like dishes and laundry? 

Or are there things on there that you do but aren’t really necessary? You’re going through the motions, without thinking about what you’re doing? (It’s ok, be honest with yourself here). 

Sometimes, I think our society treats being busy as a badge of honor. 

We’re a country that doesn’t guarantee time off. Most companies who do offer vacation time only offer about two weeks. And those of us who have vacation rarely take that time. And if we do, we’re checking emails and taking calls. 

We never really rest. 

Outside of work, we have ourselves and our kids signed up for every activity under the sun. Every minute is a scheduled play date, sports, or music activity. Weekends are full of birthday parties, more play dates, and more sports. 

We can’t let ourselves or our kids ever utter the sentence I’m bored. (Side note here, I’ve read it isn’t actually that they’re bored, but that they want connection with you. And giving them connection, and sitting with them in their boredom for a few minutes, moves them out of it). 

We never stop that constantly running list in our heads. When we’re working, we’re thinking about the house tasks and if we’ve spent enough time with our kids. When we’re with our kids, we’re thinking of all the other tasks we’re not doing. 

So we’re never really present in our lives. This is part of our overwhelm. This constantly feeling like there’s something else we need to be doing.  

And we complain about it, but in a way that makes it seem like there’s really nothing we can do about it. (Or that we enjoy it, maybe, we’re not sure. We’re too tired to really figure it out). 

So what do we do?

So, what happens if we say no to a few of those birthday party invitations? To all the activities? Picking one or two for each family member each season? 

What if we make time for leisure? For rest? 

Those to-do lists are always going to be there. There will always be something that needs to be done.

If you have ways to manage your tasks (something I talk often about here and in my virtual community, Stride Together) you know that your big stuff is taken care of. It’s documented. It’s scheduled. There’s time. So you can focus on the work task or spending time with the kids.

What are you going to do with this leisure? 

Want to keep reading? Here’s more!

If you’re struggling with how to make time for leisure or letting go of the guilt of it, schedule some time with me!

Next week, we will look at how to know if you are too busy!

Here’s Why I Want You To Stop Reloading The Dishwasher

habits, mindset shift

Stop reloading the dishwasher after someone else has loaded it. Stop picking up the toys your kids need to pick up. And, stop taking on more tasks around the house or at work because you think no one else is going to do it as well. 

stop it.

You are wearing yourself out. 

Sure, you might be able to fit more dishes in the dishwasher if you loaded it. But, if someone else already loaded it, then the task is done. Cross it off the list and move on. 

In college, I had a roommate who would reclean the bathroom after I did it. Because he didn’t think I did a good enough job. So I stopped cleaning the bathroom. What was the point? I wasn’t wasting my energy doing something that wasn’t respected. 

And I wonder if this happens in our own houses. As women, we take on tasks or redo tasks because no one else is going to do it up to our standards. 

But how is that serving you or those in your household? What is that teaching your kids? 

Of course, your kids aren’t going to put their toys away exactly as you would. But if they’re put away (even if they’re in the wrong boxes), does it matter? Sure, your partner does things differently. He or she is not you. My husband folds towels differently than I do. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong. I occasionally fold them that way now too. 

The point of all of this is a mindset shift. Find a way to let go of the way others do things. Let them be a part of the household and help each other get things done. 

If it’s important to you that something is done a certain way, explain it to the rest of your family. Help them learn it. Then let go. Or, if it’s really important, do it yourself. But you don’t get to complain when no one else helps. 

I’m not saying this is easy. I still struggle with it on occasion. But I’m working on saying to myself, Great, that’s one thing I can cross off my list.  

And I move on to the next task. 

Let me know what your mindset shifts need to be! What are you working on this week?

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