Category Archives: motivation

Are Your Kids Too Busy For You To Make Friends?

March 21, 2024habits, Help, mindset shift, motivationMerdrick

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.” ― Tina Fey, Bossypants

Are your kids too busy for you to get together with your friends? Read on for some ideas!

I was sitting on the playground recently, watching my kids play and listening to a group of parents talk about how hard it was to get together with their friends.

A dad was describing this long text thread of trying to get together with a friend to go rock-climbing. They live 30 minutes away from great climbing, but could not find a time when they were both free at the same time.

Same story for a mom trying to make plans with some girlfriends.

There were all the activities that the kids were doing. Soccer. Piano. Swim lessons. Dance. Gymnastics. Tuesdays and Thursdays were out. Saturdays too because that’s when the games are. And the multitude of birthday parties and other kid-centered activities that happen.

If there’s more than one kid, the activities likely fall on different days, so there goes most weekdays.

And I say there thinking to myself – it doesn’t have to be this hard, does it? It shouldn’t be this hard to make time to see our friends. Why do we design our lives to revolve around our children?

Society has led us to believe that we need to do everything for our children and keep them fully entertained all the time. That it’s selfish for us to do anything for ourselves.

Play dates. Sports. Music. They must be achieving and growing.

What happened to kids entertaining themselves while mom and dad sit and have a quiet cup of coffee together?

What would happen if you said no to a birthday party and instead spent some time with your family? Or hired a babysitter (or a neighbor) to watch your kid(s) while you and a friend went and took a walk or went for a cup of coffee?

What if each family member took one activity off their plate for the next few months? What would that extra time do for all of you?

You can design a life you love. Not one that’s requiring you to respond to stress with the torpor of a possum.

What would you let go of today to make more time for your friends?

Your future self will thank you!

Decision Fatigue! Did You Know That You Make 35,000 Decisions A Day?

March 7, 2024motivation, routines, time managementMerdrick

Let’s talk about decision fatigue.

Did you know that people make over 35,000 decisions a day?

This is why, when it’s time for dinner and you haven’t planned it, you have wine and M&M’s and feed your kids cereal (there’s nothing wrong with this, on occasion, by the way).

Moms already have enough on their plates. There’s no need to make life more complicated.

Having some basic routines and systems in your days and weeks helps simplify things. Remove decisions where you can.

Have a menu that repeats every 2 weeks. You have chicken every Thursday. The spices and sides can change, but you know roughly what you’re eating. Every Monday is something vegetarian. Keep a list of meal ideas so you can easily plan those vegetarian meals without too much thought.

Have certain days of the week for laundry. Or, do one load a day. Figure out what laundry routine works best for you. I wash clothes on Sundays and sheets/towels on Fridays. I have a friend who does one full load (from washing to putting it away) every day. Figure out what works for you and your family and stick with it.

Have a list of things to which you will say no. This is important. Shiny objects. Clothes you don’t need. Toys your kids don’t need. Activities and commitments are just one more thing to keep track of. Figure out what’s important and say no to the rest!

The point is to take as many decisions as possible out of your day. Because 35,000 decisions a day is just too many!

Your future self will thank you!

Ready to deal with your decision fatigue? Sign up for my private podcast today!

Mothering Doesn’t Have To Be This Hard

February 29, 2024habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation, time managementMerdrick

Maybe mothering doesn’t have to be this hard.

Do you have days where you feel like you missed a class on how to be an adult?

Where the to-do list is overwhelming and never-ending? And you wonder if you’ll ever feel on top of your game?

I know I have! Mothering doesn’t have to be this hard if we do it together.

This is why I created Stride Productivity and my virtual community, Stride Together.

Because being a mom is hard. Being a mom while also working a full-time job or running your own business is hard. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard!

And I want moms to know they’re not alone.

I want moms to know what it feels like to not have clutter and tasks in every crevice of their day.

To make time for fun.

To spend quality time with their families.

And to have a sense of control.

It is possible.

I want moms to know they can stop:

Ending each day exhausted and drained but feeling like you didn’t do enough. There’s still laundry to put away. You didn’t get to that work project you wanted to start on. And you don’t remember the last time you had an actual conversation with your partner.
Feeling pulled in too many directions. You want to say yes to your kids when they ask you to join them on the swings. But you have work emails to respond to, dinner to figure out, and a piece of paper you need to find and sign for your son’s soccer team.
Carrying all of the mental load. You’d like to talk with your partner, but you’re too tired to have the conversation. At least for today, it’s easier to take in on yourself.

If you want to learn more, schedule a Get On Track call with me today. Let’s talk about how to help you stop feeling so exhausted and drained.

Where Do I Even Start? It’s Such a Mess?

February 15, 2024mindset shift, motivation, routines, time managementMerdrick

In this beautiful book I read with my kids, Suzy’s mom tells her to pick up her room. Her room is such a mess that she’s not even sure where to start. She feels overwhelmed by the mess. What should she do?

Have you been there?

Have you ever taken a look at your kitchen, the piles of kids’ toys, your to-do list for work, and just stood there?

Overwhelmed and unsure of where to even start?

I have.

The endless lists. The piles that keep appearing, like a game of whack-a-mole. The dishes, laundry, kids’ toys. The emails, slack messages, interruptions. The work projects.

Where do you even start when it’s such a mess?

Do what Suzy and her mom do. (and what I do with my kids when their toys are all over the house).

Play the seek and sort game. Pick one task, one list, one subject. And start.

Process your emails (not just read them, but respond, delete, file, figure out the next action).

Find that one task that’s been lingering on your list and do it.

Find all the tasks that will take less than two minutes and see how many you can do in 30 minutes.

Identify the next step on an important work project and take it.

Set a timer for 15 minutes and work on that task you have been avoiding.

The point here is to pick one spot, any spot, and tackle it.

And, if you’re really struggling, put all the tasks on separate sheets of paper in a bowl and draw one out. Do it. Repeat.

Seek. Sort. Start.

Your future self will thank you.

This is a true picture of my kid’s old playroom. It was amazing how quickly they made a mess to the point that they couldn’t play in it! And we had to pick one spot, one toy category, and start cleaning up! Life can feel this messy sometimes, huh?!

Watch As She Bends But Never Breaks

February 8, 2024habits, mindset shift, motivation, time managementMerdrick

She bends but never breaks. In the song, Surface Pressure, from Encanto, we find Luisa singing the following lyrics.

I take what I’m handed, I break what’s demanding But

Under the surface

I feel berserk as a tightrope walker in a three-ring circus

Under the surface…

I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service…

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that’ll never stop, whoa

Pressure that’ll tip, tip, tip ’til you just go pop, whoa-oh-oh

Give it to your sister, it doesn’t hurt

And see if she can handle every family burden

Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks

Luisa is singing about how she feels so much pressure and is wondering if she can handle it.

She’s always been expected to be the strong one in the family. And the family and town keep throwing tasks at her and expecting her to take more and more on.

She feels herself crumbling under the pressure. She also starts to realize that she doesn’t always have to be the strong one. That she doesn’t always have to take everything on. That she’s more than the strong one. And she really needs a break. We watch as she bends but never breaks.

Do these words resonate with you? Do you feel the pressure of taking everything on yourself?

You take everything that’s thrown at you. You bend but never break.

But underneath everything, you feel a bit berserk? Trying not to crumble under the pressure? Feeling like your worth is wrapped up in service to your family?

Maybe you too are developing a twitch in your eye from the pressure.

Know that you don’t need to carry the weight of the world by yourself. That you and your family are a team. You work together.

Know that you don’t have to do every task on your to-do list today.

One of the things I work on with my clients is making sure that what’s on your list belongs there. Today and long-term. You don’t have to say yes to everything.

The world will continue to tell you that your worth is wrapped up in your task list and how you serve your family.

I will continue to tell you that this isn’t true.

If you want to hear more about this topic, sign up for my private podcast or talk directly with me on a Get On Track call.

Ever Redo a Task That Someone Else Did? Here’s How To Stop.

January 25, 2024habits, mindset shift, motivationMerdrick

Do you ever redo a task? When I was in college, my roommate would re-clean the bathroom after I cleaned it. He didn’t think I did it right.

So I stopped. What was the point of me taking the time to do something that someone else was going to redo?

Have you ever done this?

Do you ever redo a task another person did because you didn’t think it was done well enough? Maybe it’s the dishwasher, maybe it’s folding laundry, maybe it’s something for work.

Be honest, no one is watching you read this.

And how often do you complain that others in your house don’t help? Do you spend your time with friends complaining about how you do it all around the house? How your partner just doesn’t see all that you do or even know that you do it?

You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and tired of it all?

I wonder if we bring some of the chaos on ourselves.

I wonder if we have such high expectations of ourselves and those around us that no one will ever live up to them.

Or society has conditioned women to believe that we’re the only ones capable of doing these tasks. And if they’re not done our way, then we’ve failed somehow.

What if, by redoing a task that someone else completed, we take away their power and motivation? Thereby starting a cycle where they stop doing it and we get mad because now they’re not doing it.

reclean the bathroom Woman standing over dishwasher

I have a friend who argued with his wife about their dishwasher. She was constantly reloading it after he loaded it. He told her he was going to stop loading it if she continued to redo it. What was the point of him doing it if it was just going to get redone?

What if our partners (and maybe even our kids) feel this way? They’re tired of having their work redone and wondering why they even bother if it’s not good enough.

I’ve talked about how men and women have the same level of messiness. Society conditioned women to care more, to get to it quicker. So we want tasks completed on our timeline. Not allowing others to have agency.

I wonder what would happen if we set the expectation of when something needs to be done and then let our partners do it in their own way. Didn’t remind them. Didn’t nag them. Let them do it on their own.

Remember that half the population wasn’t raised to see all the work it takes to run a household and raise kids.

It’s not that they’re ignoring it. They don’t know it exists. And, as women, when we take it all on, our partners still don’t see it because we’re doing it all.

These changes require patience and time. We’re not going to change these deep-seated tendencies overnight. But we can start.

Let’s start by making it more visible. Stop doing all the housework after everyone else is in bed. Stop redoing something someone else has already done. Even if you can fit more dishes in the dishwasher or think something should be folded differently, stop. Try celebrating that someone else did it and now you don’t have to. That’s one thing off your plate!

Think of what you can do when you’re not doing everything.

My kids don’t fold their clothes. The kids sort by item and shove the clothes in drawers. They know how to fold, but I’m not going to spend a bunch of time folding their clothes or nagging them to do it. We sort them, play a game of basketball as they toss their clothes into the drawers, and call it a day.

Give someone ownership over a task. They’re not helping you, you’re working together.

Start paying attention to everything that you’re taking on. It’s not going to change overnight, but let’s start with some awareness.

The Minimum Standard of Care (MSC) is helpful here.. This is a term from the Fair Play Method. It’s an agreed-upon standard of values describing how a task is done. Learn more about it on my private podcast.

Your future self will thank you.

Let me know the last time you redid the dishwasher! (I’ll keep it between us!)

Dirty Dishes and The Invisible Load

January 18, 2024mindset shift, motivation, routines, time managementMerdrick

We run our dishwasher a lot. There is often a clean load in the dishwasher, with even more dishes sitting on the kitchen counter waiting to be dealt with. So many dishes!

At some point, I realized that I had it in my head that my husband expected me to deal with the dishes. Yes, we both work from home. But my schedule is more flexible. So, of course, why wouldn’t I be the one to deal with all the household tasks too?

Sound familiar? As moms, we take on all the household tasks because it feels easier that way. Without thinking about it.

In reality, it wasn’t that he expected me to do it. He wasn’t thinking about it at all. He was focused on work. And he would deal with the dishes later, after work, while he was making dinner.

I read an article in the Atlantic about how men and women are equally messy. But men don’t notice as much. Women feel a lot of pressure to keep their spaces clean, organized, and pretty. Ourselves too. Now, I will leave space in here on how we feel more in control of our lives when we’ve cleaned and purged our house. I too clean and organize when I’m stressed out.

But, women are conditioned from a young age that keeping the house and family organized is our responsibility. Our worth is wrapped up in it. Women operate on a different time scale than men. So it appears that we take it all on because men won’t. When men just haven’t been conditioned to deal with it as quickly as women.

And the pattern continues. Women take on the tasks because we think men aren’t going to do it, instead of letting them do it in their own way. Then the men just stop doing tasks around the house, because the women do it all anyway. And the exhausting cycle continues.

And our kids see this. They see mom doing all the household chores, organizing schedules, and planning everything. And they grow up thinking that’s how it’s done.

It’s time to change that narrative.

I realize that I’m asking women to take on one more thing here. I’m also asking women to get their partners in on this. To start having these conversations together. To start shifting the dynamics in your house to more equity. Where everyone in the household is involved, down to the youngest child.

When my kids complain about not wanting to do something around the house, I remind them that we all live here. We all contribute to the household and we all need to work together. And then we read a book titled The Great Zooberry Debacle: A Tale of Many Hands.

Start paying attention to when you take it all on. When you are the one worrying about everything and feeling like people are judging you if things aren’t perfect.

Your future self will thank you.

When you’re ready to stop feeling pulled in too many directions and add a sense of control and peace to your days, schedule a call with me, and let’s talk about my coaching programs.

Most Days It Feels Like The Task List Never Ends.

January 11, 2024habits, mindset shift, motivation, time managementMerdrick

The task list never ends.

Get the kids up.

Make breakfast.

Help the kids pack their lunches

Remind the kids to put those lunches in their backpacks, not the counter.

Get kids out the door to school.

Then start my work day.

And then remember we need to figure out what’s for dinner. Maybe buy groceries.

And add 3 more things to my task list for work.

Some days, it never ends!

It feels like the task list never gets shorter.

Some days the list truly gets longer!

At times it feels like we’re failing. Maybe you’ll try a new tool or hack and it’ll work for a while. But you eventually find yourself back where you were, overwhelmed and overcommitted. Feeling like it’s never enough.

Sometimes we wonder if we missed a class in school on how to do this thing called life.

I assure you that you did not miss a class. You are not failing. Our society has led women to believe that to have it all we have to do it all.

When dads don’t get paternity leave, moms simply get better at doing all the things. Not because they’re better at it by nature, but because they’re the ones doing it every day.

Over time, this leads moms to feel like we need to take on everything related to the house and kids, on top of running a business or growing our own careers. Because we’ve been led to believe that this is what good moms do and nothing will happen if we don’t take care of it.

But when both partners are involved with the household and raising of children, life is richer for everyone.

Getting everyone involved in a household doesn’t happen overnight. And it doesn’t happen by putting up a chore chart or reminders.

It takes time. Conversations. Family meetings. Work on everyone’s part.

But it can happen. This is the work I do with my clients. The work we talk about in my community.

Want to learn more? Go here.

If you’re wondering if you missed a class on how to do life, start with my private podcast: Go here.

Your future self will thank you!

Here Are Some Ideas to Deal With a Never-ending To-Do List.

January 4, 2024mindset shift, motivation, routines, time managementMerdrick

Ever feel like you have a never-ending to-do list?

Years ago, my husband and I went hiking in Acadia, in northern Maine. As we were coming back down the trail, we kept thinking that the trail would end around the next bend. Around the next bend, we’ll be back at the car. This went on for some time. It seemed the trail was never going to end!

We still joke about it. It’s become a mantra in our lives whenever something seems to be taking longer than it should. It’ll end around the next bend.

Maybe this is how you feel about your to-do list. That you’ll get through it soon. It has to get shorter sometime, right? If you just keep chipping away at it. Skipping sleep. Not taking breaks.

Around the next bend.

Let’s be honest. In this case, it’s not going to end around the next bend. There will always be something on our to-do list. It might feel more manageable some days or weeks. But there will always be tasks.

I’m not telling you this to make you sad and feel defeated. I want you to make the realization that it’s ok to take a break from the list. To put something fun on it. Or even put it in a drawer for the afternoon and go do something for yourself.

Then, after that break, come back and let’s talk about how to handle the never-ending list. When you really feel like you don’t have the time to deal with what’s on it. Or to even make a dent in the list.

Where do you start?

Start with a brain dump. Take 10 minutes and write down everything that’s floating around in your head. All the ideas and tasks. Find the post-its and notes you’ve left everywhere. Get them all in one spot. Pull out tasks lost in your emails.

Once you have all the tasks in one place, it’s easier to see your priorities. It can’t all be a priority, so you’ll need some guidelines here. Ask yourself the following questions:

What are the quickest / closest deadlines?
What is making my business money?
What project do I need to get started on soon?
Are there tasks on here that I can delete or delegate?

What are the next steps?

Next, write out each step, as small as possible for all your projects. This helps you get moving on your projects because you know the next steps.

You can’t claim you don’t have the time, because you can make the time for small steps.

What are your goals and values?

Another place to start is understanding what’s important to you. When you know your goals for your business and your family, you can easily identify the tasks that get you there. Anything else can be deleted.

Say No

The next part is learning to say no. When you know what’s on your plate, you know if another project or client is the right fit.

Remember, future you is just as busy as today you. Only say yes to something in the future if you would say yes to it tomorrow.

Saying yes to a big project means saying no to something else.

Maybe a goal of yours is to spend more time with your family or on exercise or to create another part of your business. Saying yes to a new project or client might take away from that. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it.

That to-do list might never end, even around the next bend. But you can take back control and deal with it in a way that works for you. So the trail doesn’t feel so long. And you can enjoy the scenery along the way.

If you want more ideas on how to deal with that never-ending to-do list, sign up for my private podcast. You’ll get quick and easy tips in an easy-to-digest format!

Real Self-care. It’s not what you think.

November 2, 2023mindset shift, motivation, routinesMerdrick

Manis/Pedis. Massages. Bubbles baths. Chocolate (or your favorite junk food). This is what we talk about as self-care.

I don’t believe any of these things are really self-care. They’re what society has told us is self-care.

And we’re told that we should be taking care of ourselves. Not feeling guilty for taking that bubble bath or getting a massage.

And yes, we should be taking care of ourselves. And no, we should not be feeling guilty for filling our cups.

But we need to take some time to figure out what really feeds our souls. And, we should be taking the time to find activities that we truly enjoy. Not what we think we should be doing.

We need to be building lives that we don’t need to escape from.

This means that we don’t need a weekly massage so that we can have an hour of quiet time because we have time to ourselves and for ourselves built into the week (and we actually make that time happen).

That we’re not hiding in the pantry eating cookies straight from the package while hiding from our kids because we actually enjoy spending time with them. We fill their cups too and we have scheduled breaks from them to fill our cups.

Yes, I do enjoy my hot chocolate. I believe chocolate feeds my soul. I am also aware that it’s a quick fix. It’s not going to fix whatever it is that got me to this place of feeling drained.

Now, if you love your weekly massages, then have them. But don’t use them as your only form of self-care. Same for manis/pedis.

What do you do for self-care? Beyond bubble baths and massages? What really feeds your soul?

For me, going to bed early with a good book fills my cup. Sometimes it’s a long phone call with a friend.

Want to get started on creating a life you don’t need to escape from? Join my virtual community, Stride Together.

It’s Not That Simple When There Are Too Many Steps.

October 12, 2023habits, Help, motivation, routines, time managementMerdrick

Sometimes, there are too many steps.

I’m standing in my kitchen. I need to empty my coffee maker. I’d like to clean it out too.

it's not that simple Toys on stair with foot about to step no them.

But I’m stuck. The compost bin is full and if I attempt to dump coffee grounds in it, the grounds will end up all over the counter.

I don’t want to take the time to empty the compost bin before I clean out the coffee maker. It’s a few steps, but it feels like too many right now. I have other things I need to get to.

So, I do what any sane person would do in this situation, I walk away to deal with it later.

While this is a simple (and maybe silly) problem, this feeling of being stuck, of wanting to deal with something but feeling overwhelmed by the steps, is common.

It might be wanting to hire a housecleaner or a nanny. Maybe it’s getting your kids to do more around the house. Or you want regular date nights with your partner but don’t have a reliable babysitter.

Whatever it is, take a few minutes to figure out the steps to get you there. Whether it’s researching babysitters or asking your neighbors for their housecleaner recommendations.

Whether it’s something where you need to do it yourself or you want to delegate it, getting started is tough.

But think about what that’s costing you in the long run. If you could hire a nanny or a house cleaner, what kind of time would that get you?

Figure out the first step and then take it.

Want support? Schedule a Get On Track Call today.

What Happens When We Lose Our Ability To Play?

October 5, 2023Help, mindset shift, motivation, time managementMerdrick

Have you lost your ability to play?

ability to play. empty swing on a beach.

When we become mothers, we’re so focused on raising children, taking care of the house, working, etc. that we forget how to have fun.

Our society makes us think that leisure time or doing anything for fun, without a purpose, is lazy. That there must always be a purpose to something. And yes, we talk a lot about productivity and priorities here.

It’s also important to play. Taking a break, resting, and recharging helps our productivity. We might come up with a solution to a work problem while on a hike. Maybe the next great idea for your business comes while walking your dog or spending time with friends.

We often collapse on the couch to watch TV because we’re too exhausted to do anything else. But watching TV is not always restorative. We choose it because we’re not sure what else to do with our time. It’s an easy choice. Or we’re folding laundry, paying bills, or doing something else while we watch TV.

And we don’t need one more thing to do. It’s easier to keep plugging away at our to-do list. We’ll do something fun when our kids are older or the to-do list is done.

What if we took the time to play?

The National Institute of Play says on its website that play is the gateway to vitality.

Studies have shown that kids who have more unstructured free time to play are more socially and academically proficient in life. Kids need to have unstructured free time. This is where they learn social skills, their limits, etc.

But play shouldn’t be only for kids. Adults need it too. And it needs to be something we do for the fun of it.

Escape Adulthood is one of my favorite places to remind me to add a little play to my life. They remind me to stop being so focused on my to-do list and be more present. To find ways to add fun and whimsy to my days. And that it doesn’t need to be a big event for it to be fun.

Play could be learning a new instrument, taking voice lessons, learning how to sew, volunteering, taking a class on any topic that interests you, or hiking. The point is to do it for the fun of it. Not because you need to do it for work or you want to lose ten pounds.

I want to add more play to my life. Find new hobbies, and learn new skills. And learn to be more present. I’d like to buy a piano soon and start taking lessons again. I’d like to snowshoe and cross-country ski. If you want some virtual yoga or meditation in your life, check out Cindy Glennon Wellness.

What about you? What do you do for fun these days?

What you do for fun? If you’re unsure how to make this happen, schedule some time to chat so we can help you find time to play!

What Is The Ideal Mother?

September 28, 2023habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation, Organization, time managementMerdrick

I recently talked about maternal gatekeeping. How, as women, we’re conditioned to believe we’re better at parenting and housekeeping than our partners. How we are the ones who need to control everything, to ensure it’s done right (or done at all). And how we need to stop letting society create these ridiculous standards.

This conditioning comes from what’s known as the Ideal Mother. This is the idea that a mother knows best. We’re led to believe this from a young age.

Society conditions men to believe they are the ideal worker and the breadwinner. Jobs are designed around the ideal worker. The person who is always available for their work. They don’t have a life outside of work. It’s expected that there’s someone else (usually a wife), at home making sure the kids are taken care of, the house is cleaned, and dinner is on the table.

So what happens when the wife works too? Life gets complicated. Women are expected to work like they don’t have a family to take care of and care for their family like they don’t have a job.

But this isn’t possible and it isn’t fair. And it’s time to break this expectation.

And it starts with a conversation.

Yes, this might feel like one more thing you have to do. And it is. But it’s also the only way we’re going to change things. We need to get our partners on board here. And not in a guilt and shame-filled way. But in a way that leads us to be true partners, sharing childcare and household tasks in a way that’s fair to everyone. (that is different from sharing things 50/50).

woman overwhelmed by too many tasks around the house. the ideal mother maternal gatekeeping

One of the first things to discuss is an acceptable level of cleanliness which Eve Rodksy, in her book Fair Play, labels Minimum Standard of Care. These are the agreed-upon expectations of everything in a house. Who cleans out the cat litter and when does it happen? What about the trash? What about family activities, like soccer, piano lessons, church choir, etc.? How many activities does each family member take on each season? How often do you have family dinners?

When my kids started elementary school, I decided we were only attending birthday parties with my kids’ friends. Not every birthday party. We were not going to sign up for every activity possible. Each person gets one, maybe two activities per semester.

Remember, you do not need to spend every day after school driving your kids around to activities. Pick one of their favorites. Carpool. Schedule things so it all happens on one crazy day, where you have take-out for dinner. Or where you can trade off with your partner on who does the driving. Meet a friend for a walk around the park while your kids are at soccer practice. Or spend one-on-one time with one kid while the other(s) are at practice.

Don’t feel obligated to say yes to everything.

There is no need to wear yourself out. It is ok for kids to be kids. To learn how to entertain themselves. Let them figure it out.

If you want to talk more about how to incorporate this in your life, and how to let go of all of the tasks, schedule some time with me! Or, sign up for my private podcast for more ideas!

It’s Just Easier If I Do It Myself: Maternal Gatekeeping

September 21, 2023motivation, routines, time managementMerdrick

What is maternal gatekeeping and how does it impact you?

How often do you find yourself muttering…it’s just easier if I do it? Then spending the rest of the evening resentful that you did something that you feel you shouldn’t always have to do?

What if, instead, there was a conversation about the task and the opportunity for someone else to do it? Maybe it wouldn’t always be on you. If expectations were set about when and how a task was done (and who was going to complete it), it would happen without you constantly asking.

It is possible.

Women are conditioned that we’re the more capable parent. So we take over every aspect of raising kids and taking care of our house.

This is known as maternal gatekeeping. It impacts relationships with our partners and our kids. It can be unconscious and unintentional. But it’s detrimental. (It can also happen in families where the parents are not together.)

Our society has told us that if a child isn’t thriving, it’s mom’s fault. If the kids aren’t wearing matching clothes or spending all their waking moments at some enrichment program, that they’re never going to get into a good college and will fail at life.

None of this is true. And we need to stop buying into it.

My kids have dressed themselves from a young age. They often don’t match. Their clothes are inside out or backward (sometimes both). For me, it’s more important they get themselves dressed and have agency over their own lives. It doesn’t even matter if they’re wearing weather-appropriate clothes. I just want them dressed.

And, there are costs to taking on all the emotional and mental labor of a household.

We’re tired, exhausted, drained, cranky, sleep-deprived. We are not taking care of ourselves so there’s little left to give to others. And we don’t see a way out.

We still see dads as clueless, almost like another child we have to take care of. But dads are fit to parent. And we need to let them. It might look different than your way, but that’s a good thing.

So what can we do about it?

First, we can be aware of when we’re doing it. Are you redoing the dishwasher after someone else has loaded it? Do you passive-aggressively complain about how your husband never empties the trash? Are you grumbling about how you always plan family vacations and never enjoy them because it feels like it’s just as much work as being home? (That last one is me!)

Then have a conversation with your partner about it. Without blaming or shaming your partner, talk about how you want things to be fairer around the house. Find a couples counselor who can work with you through this. Schedule time with me to talk about it. Read the book by Eve Rodsky called Fair Play.

Talk about what really matters in your life. What is essential for everyone’s happiness?

Want to talk about this more? Schedule some time with me!

Or, sign up for my private podcast.

How do I know if I am busy or productive?

August 24, 2023motivation, time managementMerdrick

Are you busy or productive? There is a difference!

What do clarity and productivity have to do with each other?

Are you clear on your life goals and values? Do the tasks on your to-do list support these goals? Or are you just doing things without really thinking about them?

It’s ok if you haven’t thought about it much. But let’s take a few minutes to do just that. If you’re only doing things on your list because they are there, without thinking about how the tasks fit in the larger plans of your life, then you are simply busy. Not productive.

And that’s no way to live.

Busy or productive Coffee cup saying: Don't be busy. Be productive.

Taking time to think about where you want to be in several years, or even six months ensures that what’s on your to-do list supports these plans.

It motivates you when you don’t want to do something on your list. It helps you clarify the next step.

Let’s Clarify

If you want to play tag with your kids or hike all summer, then taking a walk or exercising in the depths of winter is on your list. You might not want to do it today, but you know your future self will thank you.

If you are looking for a promotion at work or to grow your client base, then make sure the small steps you take today support that goal. It might mean a conversation with your supervisor or a business coach to understand those steps. It might mean stepping out of your comfort zone. Again, that clarity guides you.

That clarity guides you when you lack the motivation to do anything. Maybe you’re tired. The weather is crummy and you want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie. Maybe the weather is nice and you want to go play outside.

When you’ve done the work to clarify your values and where you are headed, you have clarity around today’s tasks. You know what needs to be done and you can take those next steps.

And when those tasks are small, you almost have no excuse to not tackle them!

If you want more information on how to start this work, sign up for a free coaching call! Or, sign up for my private podcast for more ideas!

Mindset Shifts: It’s All In Your Head

July 20, 2023motivationmindset shiftsMerdrick

Let’s take a look at Mindset Shifts. Mindset is a big part of productivity.

What? It’s not just getting as much done as possible every day? Finding tweaks to be more efficient?

No, not to me at least. And no matter how efficient you are, there will always be more to do than we have time for. That to-do list will never end. And that is ok.

My goal is to focus on getting the right things done each day.

Those tasks that move me forward, both professionally and personally. That I’m not just putting out fires every day. I’m making progress on projects and making time for myself and the things I enjoy doing (even if that means letting the laundry sit for a while).

In trying to keep up with house cleaning, we clean half the house each week. It feels less overwhelming this way. In an ideal world, we work together as a family.

Recently, my five-year-old had no interest in helping us clean. I had asked her to pick up some toys that needed to be put away. She threw a fit, I got mad. No toys were cleaned up.

A little while later, I hear her picking up the toys. She said she was cleaning up to make mom happy and help mom clean.

The way she said this bothered me.

We don’t clean the house to make mom happy. Yes, I might be the one leading the troops through it. But we all work together. We all help each other. It’s not just for me. It’s for all of us. We all live in this house.

We say it’s great when a husband or dad helps out with house chores or the kids. But the men live here too. They are parents, not babysitters. My husband is my teammate, not an employee. We may have different levels of cleanliness. One of us may be more particular about how something is done than someone else. But we are a team.

I’m talking about a subtle mindset shift here. That it’s not one person demanding everyone else clean to his or her level of cleanliness, on their timeline. It’s not taking on this level of stress making everything happen ourselves as the women in the household.

It’s working together as a team and communicating with others in the household.

One way to do this is through family meetings.

Change is a Process, not an event. mindset shifts

Family meetings are so helpful in keeping the house functioning and everyone on the same page. What you talk about will change from week to week and season to season.

Start having weekly family meetings. Our meetings are maybe 5 minutes long, that’s all my kids can handle. And right now, all we really talk about is cleaning tasks and what one fun thing we each want to do over the weekend. We also ask the kids about what went well for them this past week and what they’d like to see us do differently next week.

Here are some other things you can talk about during a family meeting.

Division of household tasks
What’s going well / what’s not working
Upcoming schedules
Discussion of bigger family issues – vacations, new routines, changes to a schedule, etc.

What would a family meeting help you accomplish? Schedule a free coaching call with me to get started today! Or, sign up for my private podcast for more ideas.

Are Lists Helpful? I Say They Are!

September 28, 2021motivation, time managementMerdrick

Are lists helpful? Yes! We recently bought a new house and moved and I made so many lists to make the process easier.

We knew we wanted to move early in the year before we’d even applied for mortgages or found a realtor.

We started by cleaning out closets. One shelf at a time. We donated so much stuff!

Then we moved on to finding a realtor and making a list of what we wanted in a house. Where we wanted to live. The non-negotiables when it came to location or the house layout.

And there were so many lists. Address changes to make. Documents to gather to apply for our mortgage. Items to figure out the best place to donate.

The lists helped us know the next steps to take. I could sit down and spend 10 minutes changing addresses. I knew the order we wanted to pack the house so I could work on 1-2 boxes each day.

So are lists helpful?

Knowing the next step of any project helps it be less overwhelming.

When you get a new project or are stuck on a current one, take time to identify all the steps. As small as possible.

Then do the first one. And the next one. Slowly but surely, you will get there.

Want to get started with your next steps? Sign up for my private podcast today!

Sourdough Starter. Growth. Finding Your Passion.

August 31, 2021mindset shift, motivation, time managementMerdrick

Many articles from the past year would make you believe that you are not doing enough. With so many people being home during the pandemic you suddenly had time to clean out your closets, finish all those personal projects that have been lingering on your to-do list, and learn a new language. And if you didn’t suddenly find yourself motivated to tackle all of these things, well, that’s on you. It’s not that you haven’t had time, you’re just lazy and lack discipline.

Huh. Really?

lack discipline text says: your worth is not equal to your productivity. How much you get done each day does not make you sho you are.

Because you weren’t also taking care of kids while juggling full-time work or just trying to get through the day because it seems as though the world is coming down around us.

I have shared how I feel this pandemic has wiped the slate clean for many of us. How this is a great time to think about what we want our lives to look like as we move forward. And not to rush back to the craziness of life BC (before Covid).

It’s ok if that hasn’t happened. If you’re aware of it but not ready to process it or figure it out.

We are going to be processing the trauma of this pandemic for years to come. Disruption is everywhere. And the changes keep coming.

The pandemic is still here. And as long as people are still refusing to get vaccinated and wear masks, it’s not going anywhere. Until more of the global population has access to vaccines, it’s not going anywhere.

And we are going to struggle to move forward until that changes.

There are many articles out there related to your productivity and the pandemic. Getting motivated to work during the stress of a pandemic. (here are my thoughts on that) That with no commute, you have so much more time on your hands! You should be working more!

Because our society will have you believe that the more you get done, the more you produce, and the more you cross off your to-do list, the better! Because our value is all about productivity.

No. It’s not.

You are not your productivity.

If at the end of the day, your kids are loved and fed, you are doing enough.

Surviving a pandemic is enough.

One of the things we talk about in my virtual community, Stride Together, is that knowing what’s important to you helps you prioritize your tasks. You focus on the things moving you, your family, and your business/job forward. Productivity is not about getting it all done every day.

If you’re struggling with this, let’s talk. I want to help you clarify these things for you. Even if it’s to set you up for success as we move out of the fog of this pandemic.

How To Deal When You Are Feeling Overwhelmed By Everything

May 31, 2021habits, mindset shift, motivation, routinesMerdrick

As we’re coming out of the pandemic fog and intentionally rebuilding our lives, let’s look at our task lists. There might be piles of things that need to be cleaned out or purged. Maybe you have lists of house projects you wanted to do during this past year but never got around to. You might have activities you want to get yourself and your family back into. Are you overwhelmed by everything?

man looking at stickie notes of question marks on the wall. Overwhelmed by everything

Around here, we had delayed doctor’s appointments (dentist, eye doctor, physicals, etc.). We had closets full of things we’d purged but hadn’t donated. There are projects around the house we’ve been delaying. All of these are decisions weighing on our brains that we’re not taking care of. So they rattle around in our heads because our brains wonder why we’re not immediately taking care of them.

We’ve been talking about what we want the next few months to look like.

Our kids won’t be vaccinated for a while, so not much is going to change for us. We’d like to spend much of the summer camping. There are a few friends we’d like to see. Otherwise, we’re going to continue staying home, hanging out in our backyard. Making homemade ice cream and playing in the sprinkler.

Last week I asked you to start thinking about the things you want to keep or shift going forward. How’d that go?

Are you diving back into everything or taking it slow?

One of the things I’ve most appreciated about this past year is how it forced families to slow down. To stop running from one activity to another. Families are no longer spending their weekends attending birthday parties, soccer games, or other sports. And no longer reaching Sunday night exhausted and not ready to start the next week.

I think society has us conditioned to believe that we must say yes to everything that comes our way. Our kids won’t get into a good college if they’re not playing multiple sports in elementary school. That our kids are going to cause trouble if every moment is not scheduled.

But what does that do to our family time and our sanity? When we simply become activity directors and drivers for our kids. Scheduling playdates, music lessons, sports, etc. for every minute of the day? When do our kids simply get to be kids and learn how to entertain themselves? Your kids can learn how to entertain themselves. It might take some time, but it can be done.

As you discuss what you’re going to start doing over the next few months, think about creating family meta-decisions.

This is an overarching guideline used to make decisions. It could be that each family member gets one activity per semester, including parents. Maybe it’s one sport and one other activity. One could be that each parent has one night each week when they are out of the house. Every Friday is a family movie and pizza night. Whatever works for your family.

Create these guidelines and they’ll make your schedule easier to figure out. These guidelines create guardrails against the craziness of diving right back into everything we think we missed. They will help contain the chaos!

Coming Out Of The Fog

May 24, 2021habits, Interruptions, mindset shift, motivationMerdrick

We’ve all been in a fog this past year. There has been so much unknown, fear, and uncertainty. As we move forward to the next chapter, it’s like we’re coming out of the fog. Let’s make sure we come out of this fog with some intention and focus.

I’ve heard from many moms how much they’ve enjoyed having family dinners together on a regular basis. Not rushing around from so many activities. Not being so overbooked on the weekends. I’ve enjoyed not rushing around in the mornings getting everyone ready for the day. I like that we all sit down for lunch together.

stone steps through green grass. coming out of the fog

Yes, moms have been overwhelmed with so much this past year. The unknown. Remote learning. Decision fatigue. Working while your kid is sitting next to you at the dining room table. The piles of laundry and dishes that seem to accumulate when you’re not looking (which, let’s be honest, is not just a pandemic thing). The fact that everyone has to eat what feels like all the time. The worrying about the health of loved ones. The laying awake at 2 am worrying about everything. Again, the unknown.

So what’s next?

As life around us starts to open up, what are you doing next? Take some time to answer these questions. Ask your family these questions! Use them as a starting point for what’s next.

What is it you want to keep about this past year? (For me, it’s Sunday night card games with my husband).
What from your pre-pandemic life do you not miss? (For me, it’s saying yes to things because I feel I should. I’m going to be much more intentional about how I spend my time).
What do you want your life to look like going forward?

Let’s not go back to the crazy, overwhelmed, rushing around we did pre-pandemic. Say yes to what is important to us. Let’s build back better than we were in 2019. Let’s get intentional about our lives.

Who’s with me?

Keep reading about this topic:

One Big Interruption

Feeling Uprooted? Start Planting New Seeds

If you want some guidance on getting started on these ideas, schedule time with me.