Are You Tired of Making Lunches?

habits, Help, mindset shift, routines, time management

In the movie Bad Moms, Amy (played by Mila Kunis), has taken on so many tasks in her family. She does her best to make her kids’ lives magical. She does their homework. Makes their breakfast. Makes their lunches. Drives them to all their activities.

She does it all.

And she’s exhausted.

makes their lunches

At one point, after she’s realized how hard she works and how she’s done doing all the tasks, she tells her kids to make their own lunch. They look stunned. Mom has always done everything for them! And now they have to do something for themselves.

And you know what happens? They figure it out.

Yes, they grumble a bit. They leave a mess in the kitchen. But they make their own lunches.

Moms have been told, over and over, that in order to show our kids that we love them, we must do everything for them. From making fancy breakfasts every morning to packing their lunches, and maybe even doing their homework.

Go overboard for the holidays with decorations, gifts, food.

Throw elaborate birthday parties.

We sign our kids up for so many activities and schedule numerous playdates.

Because society has told us this is what we’re supposed to be doing. That this makes us good moms.

When in reality, it makes us tired and resentful. And makes our kids rely on us for everything.

Now, I hate making lunches. Always have. So I taught my kids from a young age how to make their own.

Do they make a mess? Yes. Do they help clean it up? Yes. Are they getting better at it? Yes.

We make it as simple as possible. Pack snack-size containers with raisins and goldfish on the weekends so that they’re ready to pack (the kids help with this too). Keep ingredients to make sandwiches on hand. Have a list of easy-to-make lunch ideas. And we work on making lunches together, after dinner each night.

Eventually, they’ll be able to pack their lunches without help.

What’s something that you can start teaching your kids to do on their own? Something you can eventually move off your plate, onto someone else’s?

Yes, it might get messy. Yes, it might take some time for your kids to learn. But in the long run? It’s better for all of you!

Reply to this email and let me know what you are going to start working on with your kids?

Your future self will thank you.

P.S. Want to learn more about what it’s like to work with me? Schedule a Get On Track call!

Ever Redo a Task That Someone Else Did? Here’s How To Stop.

habits, mindset shift, motivation

Do you ever redo a task? When I was in college, my roommate would re-clean the bathroom after I cleaned it. He didn’t think I did it right.

So I stopped. What was the point of me taking the time to do something that someone else was going to redo?

Have you ever done this?

Do you ever redo a task another person did because you didn’t think it was done well enough? Maybe it’s the dishwasher, maybe it’s folding laundry, maybe it’s something for work.

Be honest, no one is watching you read this.

And how often do you complain that others in your house don’t help? Do you spend your time with friends complaining about how you do it all around the house? How your partner just doesn’t see all that you do or even know that you do it?

You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and tired of it all?

I wonder if we bring some of the chaos on ourselves.

I wonder if we have such high expectations of ourselves and those around us that no one will ever live up to them.

Or society has conditioned women to believe that we’re the only ones capable of doing these tasks. And if they’re not done our way, then we’ve failed somehow.

What if, by redoing a task that someone else completed, we take away their power and motivation? Thereby starting a cycle where they stop doing it and we get mad because now they’re not doing it.

reclean the bathroom Woman standing over dishwasher

I have a friend who argued with his wife about their dishwasher. She was constantly reloading it after he loaded it. He told her he was going to stop loading it if she continued to redo it. What was the point of him doing it if it was just going to get redone?

What if our partners (and maybe even our kids) feel this way? They’re tired of having their work redone and wondering why they even bother if it’s not good enough.

I’ve talked about how men and women have the same level of messiness. Society conditioned women to care more, to get to it quicker. So we want tasks completed on our timeline. Not allowing others to have agency.

I wonder what would happen if we set the expectation of when something needs to be done and then let our partners do it in their own way. Didn’t remind them. Didn’t nag them. Let them do it on their own.

Remember that half the population wasn’t raised to see all the work it takes to run a household and raise kids.

It’s not that they’re ignoring it. They don’t know it exists. And, as women, when we take it all on, our partners still don’t see it because we’re doing it all.

These changes require patience and time. We’re not going to change these deep-seated tendencies overnight. But we can start.

Let’s start by making it more visible. Stop doing all the housework after everyone else is in bed. Stop redoing something someone else has already done. Even if you can fit more dishes in the dishwasher or think something should be folded differently, stop. Try celebrating that someone else did it and now you don’t have to. That’s one thing off your plate!

Think of what you can do when you’re not doing everything.

My kids don’t fold their clothes. The kids sort by item and shove the clothes in drawers. They know how to fold, but I’m not going to spend a bunch of time folding their clothes or nagging them to do it. We sort them, play a game of basketball as they toss their clothes into the drawers, and call it a day.

Give someone ownership over a task. They’re not helping you, you’re working together.

Start paying attention to everything that you’re taking on. It’s not going to change overnight, but let’s start with some awareness.

The Minimum Standard of Care (MSC) is helpful here.. This is a term from the Fair Play Method. It’s an agreed-upon standard of values describing how a task is done. Learn more about it on my private podcast.

Your future self will thank you.

Let me know the last time you redid the dishwasher! (I’ll keep it between us!)

Dirty Dishes and The Invisible Load

mindset shift, motivation, routines, time management

We run our dishwasher a lot. There is often a clean load in the dishwasher, with even more dishes sitting on the kitchen counter waiting to be dealt with. So many dishes!

so many dishes

At some point, I realized that I had it in my head that my husband expected me to deal with the dishes. Yes, we both work from home. But my schedule is more flexible. So, of course, why wouldn’t I be the one to deal with all the household tasks too?

Sound familiar? As moms, we take on all the household tasks because it feels easier that way. Without thinking about it.

In reality, it wasn’t that he expected me to do it. He wasn’t thinking about it at all. He was focused on work. And he would deal with the dishes later, after work, while he was making dinner.

I read an article in the Atlantic about how men and women are equally messy. But men don’t notice as much. Women feel a lot of pressure to keep their spaces clean, organized, and pretty. Ourselves too. Now, I will leave space in here on how we feel more in control of our lives when we’ve cleaned and purged our house. I too clean and organize when I’m stressed out.

But, women are conditioned from a young age that keeping the house and family organized is our responsibility. Our worth is wrapped up in it. Women operate on a different time scale than men. So it appears that we take it all on because men won’t. When men just haven’t been conditioned to deal with it as quickly as women.

And the pattern continues. Women take on the tasks because we think men aren’t going to do it, instead of letting them do it in their own way. Then the men just stop doing tasks around the house, because the women do it all anyway. And the exhausting cycle continues.

And our kids see this. They see mom doing all the household chores, organizing schedules, and planning everything. And they grow up thinking that’s how it’s done.

It’s time to change that narrative.

I realize that I’m asking women to take on one more thing here. I’m also asking women to get their partners in on this. To start having these conversations together. To start shifting the dynamics in your house to more equity. Where everyone in the household is involved, down to the youngest child.

When my kids complain about not wanting to do something around the house, I remind them that we all live here. We all contribute to the household and we all need to work together. And then we read a book titled The Great Zooberry Debacle: A Tale of Many Hands.

Start paying attention to when you take it all on. When you are the one worrying about everything and feeling like people are judging you if things aren’t perfect.

Your future self will thank you.

When you’re ready to stop feeling pulled in too many directions and add a sense of control and peace to your days, schedule a call with me, and let’s talk about my coaching programs.

Most Days It Feels Like The Task List Never Ends.

habits, mindset shift, motivation, time management

The task list never ends.

Get the kids up.

Make breakfast.

Help the kids pack their lunches

Remind the kids to put those lunches in their backpacks, not the counter.

Get kids out the door to school.

some days it never ends

Then start my work day.

And then remember we need to figure out what’s for dinner. Maybe buy groceries.

And add 3 more things to my task list for work.

Some days, it never ends!

It feels like the task list never gets shorter.

Some days the list truly gets longer!

At times it feels like we’re failing. Maybe you’ll try a new tool or hack and it’ll work for a while. But you eventually find yourself back where you were, overwhelmed and overcommitted. Feeling like it’s never enough.

Sometimes we wonder if we missed a class in school on how to do this thing called life.

I assure you that you did not miss a class. You are not failing. Our society has led women to believe that to have it all we have to do it all.

When dads don’t get paternity leave, moms simply get better at doing all the things. Not because they’re better at it by nature, but because they’re the ones doing it every day.

Over time, this leads moms to feel like we need to take on everything related to the house and kids, on top of running a business or growing our own careers. Because we’ve been led to believe that this is what good moms do and nothing will happen if we don’t take care of it.

But when both partners are involved with the household and raising of children, life is richer for everyone.

Getting everyone involved in a household doesn’t happen overnight. And it doesn’t happen by putting up a chore chart or reminders.

It takes time. Conversations. Family meetings. Work on everyone’s part.

But it can happen. This is the work I do with my clients. The work we talk about in my community.

Want to learn more? Go here.

If you’re wondering if you missed a class on how to do life, start with my private podcast: Go here.

Your future self will thank you!

Here Are Some Ideas to Deal With a Never-ending To-Do List.

mindset shift, motivation, routines, time management

Ever feel like you have a never-ending to-do list?

Years ago, my husband and I went hiking in Acadia, in northern Maine. As we were coming back down the trail, we kept thinking that the trail would end around the next bend. Around the next bend, we’ll be back at the car. This went on for some time. It seemed the trail was never going to end! 

around the next bend.

We still joke about it. It’s become a mantra in our lives whenever something seems to be taking longer than it should. It’ll end around the next bend. 

Maybe this is how you feel about your to-do list. That you’ll get through it soon. It has to get shorter sometime, right? If you just keep chipping away at it. Skipping sleep. Not taking breaks. 

Around the next bend. 

Let’s be honest. In this case, it’s not going to end around the next bend. There will always be something on our to-do list. It might feel more manageable some days or weeks. But there will always be tasks. 

I’m not telling you this to make you sad and feel defeated. I want you to make the realization that it’s ok to take a break from the list. To put something fun on it. Or even put it in a drawer for the afternoon and go do something for yourself. 

Then, after that break, come back and let’s talk about how to handle the never-ending list. When you really feel like you don’t have the time to deal with what’s on it. Or to even make a dent in the list. 

Where do you start? 

Start with a brain dump. Take 10 minutes and write down everything that’s floating around in your head. All the ideas and tasks. Find the post-its and notes you’ve left everywhere. Get them all in one spot. Pull out tasks lost in your emails. 

Once you have all the tasks in one place, it’s easier to see your priorities. It can’t all be a priority, so you’ll need some guidelines here. Ask yourself the following questions: 

  • What are the quickest / closest deadlines? 
  • What is making my business money? 
  • What project do I need to get started on soon? 
  • Are there tasks on here that I can delete or delegate? 

What are the next steps? 

Next, write out each step, as small as possible for all your projects. This helps you get moving on your projects because you know the next steps. 

You can’t claim you don’t have the time, because you can make the time for small steps. 

What are your goals and values? 

Another place to start is understanding what’s important to you. When you know your goals for your business and your family, you can easily identify the tasks that get you there. Anything else can be deleted. 

Say No

The next part is learning to say no. When you know what’s on your plate, you know if another project or client is the right fit. 

Remember, future you is just as busy as today you. Only say yes to something in the future if you would say yes to it tomorrow. 

Saying yes to a big project means saying no to something else. 

Maybe a goal of yours is to spend more time with your family or on exercise or to create another part of your business. Saying yes to a new project or client might take away from that. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it. 

That to-do list might never end, even around the next bend. But you can take back control and deal with it in a way that works for you. So the trail doesn’t feel so long. And you can enjoy the scenery along the way.

If you want more ideas on how to deal with that never-ending to-do list, sign up for my private podcast. You’ll get quick and easy tips in an easy-to-digest format!

How To Evaluate How You Spend Your Days

routines, time management

Do you spend your days crossing tasks off your to-do list and making plans and going and going and going? It can be important to stop and evaluate how you spend your days.

Take some time to check in with what’s working and what’s not. Ask ourselves questions and really reflect on what we’re doing.

evaluate how you spend your days

I know. I know. You don’t have the time.

But, what if taking this time helped you create more time?

Start by tracking your time. Every 30 minutes, stop and write down what you are doing. Don’t wait until the end of the day because it won’t be accurate. You can find a PDF or an app to help you here.

Take some time, even 15 minutes, and ask yourself the following questions.

  • What commitments have you taken on in the last 3 months? Are they working for you? Or do you need to find a way to let them go?
  • Are there routines that need to shift?
  • What do the next 3 months look like? What projects do you need to plan now?

When you evaluate your time, you might find places to make changes, freeing up time you didn’t think you had! I had a client who tracked her time and we discovered she was going to the grocery store multiple times each week. We streamlined the way she shopped and were able to give her time back in her week.

Want to get started on this? Schedule a call with me.

What to do when you are overwhelmed, Mom?

routines, time management

What do you do when you are overwhelmed, Mom? When you want to run away from your life?

I know my life is reaching a point of overwhelm when there are too many post-it notes. When I feel like all I’m doing is creating to-do lists. But not actually doing any of the tasks on the post-its or lists. 

When this happens, I take a few minutes to get all the tasks and ideas out of my head. Then figure out what needs to happen right now, today, or this week. 

When we have a sense of our commitments, it’s easier to say yes or no to something. If it’s a work project, we can talk about renegotiating deadlines. If it’s a volunteer commitment, we know if have the time to give. If it’s our kids asking to do one more activity, we can have a conversation as a family about whether it makes sense or will lead to more overwhelm.

overwhelmed, mom overwhelmed woman with too many people asking things of her.
How many things have you said yes to in your life because you:
  1. Didn’t know how to say no at the moment?
  2. Felt obligated to do it even though you really didn’t want to?

Remember that every time you say yes to something you are saying no to something else. And sometimes we have to say no to something that seems like a great opportunity because we know that there’s a better one out there. (Or, we know we need to leave breathing room in our schedules). Make sure that yes is worth it. 

I want you to design a life that you don’t need to escape from. One that doesn’t have you dreading every Monday. Where you aren’t resentful of the activities you and your family are committed to outside of work and school. 

It’s a life full of activities and tasks that deserve to be there.

If you’re feeling resentful and want to figure out a way to change this, let’s talk! 

Do you find routines stifling or helpful?

routines, time management

Let’s talk about whether you find routines stifling or helpful.

It’s 5 pm. I’m staring at the fridge, wondering what we’re going to have for dinner. I don’t like to cook. If it’s not planned or prepped, we’re having frozen pizza. 

Once we started weekly meal planning (and prepping) our weeknight dinners got easier. Veggies and potatoes were prepped and the meat was defrosted. All I needed to do was turn on the oven, toss everything in a pan, and roast it. 

Sunday is laundry day. I refuse to wash clothes any other day of the week unless absolutely necessary. If you want your clothes washed, they better be in the hamper when I start. Otherwise, it will wait until next week. 

Routines are helpful concept. tired housewife meditates in lotus position in laundry room near washing machine and dirty clothes

I’m working on implementing certain days of the week for certain work tasks. Something like marketing Monday where Monday is focused on all my marketing tasks. Maybe you have planning meetings on certain days of the week or focus on specific projects at specific times. 

Do you find routines stifling or helpful? Do you think that having routines in your life helps with your creativity or hurts it? 

It is possible to have routines in your life and also flexibility. When your days are planned and structured down to the minute, any disruption throws things into disarray. 

When you have routines and structure with space for the unexpected, everything flows smoothly. 

What routines do you need in your days? Below are a few areas to add routines to your days. 

  • Laundry
  • Meal planning and prep
  • Recurring work tasks
  • Morning routines
  • Evening routines

Ask yourself the following questions related to building routines:

  • What are all the steps needed to complete this routine?
  • When does each step need to happen?
  • Who is responsible for each step?

I also recommend spending the last 30 minutes of your workday cleaning up your workspace. Check your calendar and tasks for tomorrow. Celebrate what you accomplished today. Process emails. File paperwork. Check your physical inbox, if you have one. Prepare yourself for tomorrow. 

Routines can make your life easier! And when your brain knows that tasks are taken care of, it can solve other problems!

Want more ideas on adding routines to your life? Sign up for my private podcast!

Let’s Talk About Why Task Management Is Important.

time management

Last week we talked about shifting your thinking. It’s one of the steps I think is most important and also the hardest. This week let’s look at something more tangible, task management. 

I realized that it was taking me too long to put away laundry because my kid’s clothes are often inside out. I was spending too much time turning everything right side out. So I stopped. My daughter recently wore a pair of pants wrong side out because that’s how they came out of the drawer. I’m not taking the time to fix that and apparently, my kids don’t care! And next time they’ll be correct because they turned right side out again when she took them off! It seems to only bother the adults when kids wear something wrong-side out or backward. Let’s let it go!

I’m sharing this story because your task list is long. And it could likely be shorter. But you’ve said yes to too many things. And you’re doing too much.

Do you know where your time goes? Not just guessing, but truly knowing? 

Do you have a sense of all your tasks? Including activities, commitments,  and upcoming projects? 

Do you spend your days with tasks running through your head? 

And have you ever timed your tasks so that you know how long a recurring task takes? 

Track your time

Even if you think you know where your time goes, it’s helpful to track your time. Over a week, document each task, in 30-minute increments. This doesn’t mean that you sit down at the end of the day and write down what you think you did. You stop what you’re doing every 30 minutes and write it down. Use these resources to help with this.

Then go back and review your week. How much time was spent on social media? What time was wasted on unnecessary activities? How much time are you spending on work tasks? Were there any surprises or did it make sense to you? 

Use this information to change your future scheduling. Identify what’s working and what’s not. 

Complete a Brain Dump

Your brain was designed to have ideas, not hold them. Take 10 minutes and write down everything that’s on your mind. All the tasks, big or small. 

Use a piece of paper. Use a Google doc. Try a task manager. Make it easy. 

Then, gather all your flagged emails. All your post-its. All your other lists. 

And in front of you is likely something overwhelming. It’s everything you’ve committed to. 

Take a breath. We’re going to work through this. 

Often, the act of getting these thoughts out of your head and documented in front of you helps you prioritize what’s next. You can see what you can delete or delegate. And you can see what needs to be done today or this week. 

One of the best things to do here is to make sure all your projects are broken down into the smallest next step. It’s easier to take the next step than look at a task that says monthly report. What does that mean? But when it says call Tom in sales for June’s numbers your brain knows what to do next. 

This topic is bigger than what I’m going to get into here. Start with the brain dump and initial triage. Then write out each step of a project, no matter how small. 

Time Your Tasks

This is a great idea for all of your recurring tasks. Laundry, meal planning, monthly reports. Anything you do regularly. 

Time them.  Don’t guess. Humans are terrible at estimating their time.

Once you know (roughly) how long they take, you can schedule them.

This is task management at a high level! If you want more ideas, schedule a Get On Track Call today!

Sometimes I Need To Shift My Thinking

mindset shift, time management

Let’s talk about why it can be important to shift my thinking.

My youngest takes her socks off and leaves them wherever she happens to be. So there are socks everywhere. My kid’s idea of cleaning up is making a pile of their toys somewhere without actually putting them in their homes (we have this conversation regularly and we’re working on it). 

shift my thinking

We just moved into a new home. And are likely moving back out shortly because there are so many things wrong with the house that we can’t live here until things are fixed. (a story for another time). So we haven’t unpacked much more than we need. And most of that stuff is sitting on the floor, the kitchen counters, and the couch. Because we haven’t bothered organizing items that are going to be back in boxes soon. 

It’s overwhelming. It’s draining. And it’s frustrating. 

Have you ever looked around your house and seen nothing but piles of things that need to be dealt with? 

Maybe it’s looking at all the projects you have for work. You feel like you will never complete them on time because there are too many and the deadlines are impossible. 

Or you’ve looked at your schedule and wondered how so many activities ended up there. How are you going to get your family to all these places during the week and ever eat dinner together again? 

Society has us believe that we need to do it all. Take it all on. Say yes to everything. Be busy all the time. Consume. Consume. Consume. 

But is that really how you want to be living? Being resentful that you’re working and taking care of the kids and cleaning the house and doing laundry and signing everyone up for activities and planning the next vacation? You are wondering why no one else is helping or participating?

Are you exhausted? Drained? Over it?

There is a better way. And that starts with shifting your thinking. 

First, it’s knowing that you don’t need to do it all. That your partner is capable of doing things around the house. And if it doesn’t seem that way, then maybe some counseling is in order. And your kids are capable of participating in household chores.

It’s understanding that you don’t need to be constantly scheduled with activities for you and your family. Even if each of you takes on one activity per season that’s still plenty of practices, games, and places to be. 

It’s shifting expectations, not lowering them. Do you need to sweep your kitchen floor every night? Or get to inbox zero every day? What happens if you don’t? 

I’ve decided not to organize a house that we’re packing up again soon. I’m going to focus on spending time with my kids and on my work. And maybe relaxing when I can. Because although this house has some structural issues, it also has a beautiful backyard. And sitting outside enjoying the quiet of the neighborhood while watching my kids play on the swing set is a beautiful thing. It’s finding a bit of joy in the chaos. 

When you start focusing on the right things. What really and truly matters today. You start getting stuff done during the day. You make progress on your projects and your tasks. Because they belong there. They’re what matters to you and your family and your career. 

Where can you shift your thinking today?

Real Self-care. It’s not what you think.

mindset shift, motivation, routines

Manis/Pedis. Massages. Bubbles baths. Chocolate (or your favorite junk food). This is what we talk about as self-care.

I don’t believe any of these things are really self-care. They’re what society has told us is self-care. 

massages. bubble baths. self-care.

And we’re told that we should be taking care of ourselves. Not feeling guilty for taking that bubble bath or getting a massage. 

And yes, we should be taking care of ourselves. And no, we should not be feeling guilty for filling our cups. 

But we need to take some time to figure out what really feeds our souls. And, we should be taking the time to find activities that we truly enjoy. Not what we think we should be doing. 

We need to be building lives that we don’t need to escape from. 

This means that we don’t need a weekly massage so that we can have an hour of quiet time because we have time to ourselves and for ourselves built into the week (and we actually make that time happen).  

That we’re not hiding in the pantry eating cookies straight from the package while hiding from our kids because we actually enjoy spending time with them. We fill their cups too and we have scheduled breaks from them to fill our cups.  

Yes, I do enjoy my hot chocolate. I believe chocolate feeds my soul. I am also aware that it’s a quick fix. It’s not going to fix whatever it is that got me to this place of feeling drained. 

Now, if you love your weekly massages, then have them. But don’t use them as your only form of self-care. Same for manis/pedis. 

What do you do for self-care? Beyond bubble baths and massages? What really feeds your soul?

For me, going to bed early with a good book fills my cup. Sometimes it’s a long phone call with a friend. 

Want to get started on creating a life you don’t need to escape from? Join my virtual community, Stride Together.

Your Goals, Big Rocks, And Your Time

Help, mindset shift, time management

You’ve likely heard the story or watched a video about big rocks and how it relates to your time.

what are your big rocks? jar of rocks.

Big rocks are the important things in your life. Tasks that support your values. To-dos that move you forward in your business or your personal life. Activities that are important to you. And the sand and pebbles fill in the other parts.

If you fill a glass with sand (emails, interruptions, time-wasters), there is no room for the big rocks (exercise, time with family and friends, work tasks that truly move your business or career forward). But, if you fill the glass with big rocks first, the sand fills in the cracks around them. 

You can have the same amount of sand and rocks. Same size cup. Different order of dealing with them. 

Spend some time this week thinking about your big rocks. What are they? Are you making time for them and scheduling them first? Figure out what they are and start scheduling them first. 

Let the sand fill in around them. 

And remember, sometimes we have to say no to things that seem good because they’re not great. And they don’t support our big rocks. Maybe they get put on the someday/maybe list (a topic for later this month). Or maybe you simply say no because they don’t support your big rocks. 

When we focus on our big rocks, even through small steps each day, big things can happen. 

Schedule a call with me if you want help figuring out your big rocks! Or get a PDF to help get you started.

Do You Feel Like It’s Never Enough?

mindset shift, time management

Do you spend your days running from one activity to another with your kids? Playdates, tutors, sports, and music lessons, one right after the other. Until you get home and realize you never planned dinner and the kids still have homework and you’re all exhausted? Then you remember that after dinner, you or your partner are running back out the door to attend one of your commitments at church or school or somewhere? And it feels like it’s never enough.

empty swing on the beach. It's never enough.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Are you happy rarely being present and with being exhausted all the time? 

Do you do it because you feel you need to? 

Because you’re so busy you’ve never taken the time to think about why you’re doing all of this? 

Time studies show that working moms spend as much time with their kids each week as stay-at-home moms in the 1960s. And SAHM’s spend more time with the kids now than in the 1960s. 

(I will pause here and say, that all moms work, whether they have a paying job in addition to child-rearing or not. For the sake of this discussion, working moms are those who have a paying job. And SAHM’s are full-time stay-at-home moms.)

And, no matter what we’re doing outside of parenting, society tells us it’s never enough. It starts with mommy and me classes (why dads aren’t included here is a topic I’ll get into soon). Then all the afterschool activities and the intensive help with homework and school projects. 

And it intensifies as kids get closer to college age. We’re conditioned to believe that our kids must get into the best colleges or they won’t be successful in life. Heaven forbid they want to go to the local community college or try something different with their lives. That’s not ok. We’ll look like failures as a mother. 

And, to be a good mother, we must be on the PTA, attend all activities that we possibly can, volunteer in the classroom, and bring homemade goodies anytime food is required. 

I volunteered once in my kids’ preschool and decided that it was not for me. I did volunteer a few times during my oldest’s kindergarten and first-grade years. And I left the PTA because I think schools shouldn’t have to fundraise and it just creates even more distance between wealthy and low-income schools (also a topic for another time). And I’m not going to feel guilty about any of it.

If you want to volunteer for these things and it works with your schedule, then do it. If it doesn’t, then let it go, and don’t feel bad about it. Society needs all types of people to function. We cannot be all things to all people. 

On one hand, many articles (mostly in the 80s and 90s) came out telling mothers they were abandoning their kids by going to work. That this was going to be the downfall of society because moms were working outside of the home and not home raising kids and taking care of the house. 

At the same time, time studies were showing that mothers were spending more time with their kids than previous generations. 

So our society is built on this myth that moms must spend all their time enriching their kids’ lives.

And as mothers started working outside the home, they started sacrificing sleep, self-care, and their sanity to spend as much time as possible with their kids. 

And feeling guilty about the whole thing because they feel like they’re failing no matter what they’re doing! 

Let’s all admit that this is hard. Parenthood doesn’t come with a guide. We’re doing the best we can with the resources we have. Whether you work outside the home, stay at home, work part-time, have no choice for either one or fully choose it, let’s all support each other in this. 

If you don’t want to volunteer on the PTA or in the classroom, don’t. If that’s your jam, then do it. Let’s be aware of these myths society is selling us and know that we’re all just doing the best we can.

Contact me and let’s chat about how this shows up in your life.

It’s Not That Simple When There Are Too Many Steps.

habits, Help, motivation, routines, time management

Sometimes, there are too many steps.

I’m standing in my kitchen. I need to empty my coffee maker. I’d like to clean it out too.

it's not that simple Toys on stair with foot about to step no them.

But I’m stuck. The compost bin is full and if I attempt to dump coffee grounds in it, the grounds will end up all over the counter.

I don’t want to take the time to empty the compost bin before I clean out the coffee maker. It’s a few steps, but it feels like too many right now. I have other things I need to get to. 

So, I do what any sane person would do in this situation, I walk away to deal with it later. 

While this is a simple (and maybe silly) problem, this feeling of being stuck, of wanting to deal with something but feeling overwhelmed by the steps, is common. 

It might be wanting to hire a housecleaner or a nanny. Maybe it’s getting your kids to do more around the house. Or you want regular date nights with your partner but don’t have a reliable babysitter.

Whatever it is, take a few minutes to figure out the steps to get you there. Whether it’s researching babysitters or asking your neighbors for their housecleaner recommendations.

Whether it’s something where you need to do it yourself or you want to delegate it, getting started is tough.

But think about what that’s costing you in the long run. If you could hire a nanny or a house cleaner, what kind of time would that get you? 

Figure out the first step and then take it.

Want support? Schedule a Get On Track Call today.

What Happens When We Lose Our Ability To Play?

Help, mindset shift, motivation, time management

Have you lost your ability to play? 

ability to play. empty swing on a beach.

When we become mothers, we’re so focused on raising children, taking care of the house, working, etc. that we forget how to have fun.

Our society makes us think that leisure time or doing anything for fun, without a purpose, is lazy. That there must always be a purpose to something. And yes, we talk a lot about productivity and priorities here. 

It’s also important to play. Taking a break, resting, and recharging helps our productivity. We might come up with a solution to a work problem while on a hike. Maybe the next great idea for your business comes while walking your dog or spending time with friends. 

We often collapse on the couch to watch TV because we’re too exhausted to do anything else. But watching TV is not always restorative. We choose it because we’re not sure what else to do with our time. It’s an easy choice. Or we’re folding laundry, paying bills, or doing something else while we watch TV. 

And we don’t need one more thing to do. It’s easier to keep plugging away at our to-do list. We’ll do something fun when our kids are older or the to-do list is done.

What if we took the time to play? 

The National Institute of Play says on its website that play is the gateway to vitality. 

Studies have shown that kids who have more unstructured free time to play are more socially and academically proficient in life. Kids need to have unstructured free time. This is where they learn social skills, their limits, etc. 

But play shouldn’t be only for kids. Adults need it too. And it needs to be something we do for the fun of it. 

Escape Adulthood is one of my favorite places to remind me to add a little play to my life. They remind me to stop being so focused on my to-do list and be more present. To find ways to add fun and whimsy to my days. And that it doesn’t need to be a big event for it to be fun.

Play could be learning a new instrument, taking voice lessons, learning how to sew, volunteering, taking a class on any topic that interests you, or hiking. The point is to do it for the fun of it. Not because you need to do it for work or you want to lose ten pounds. 

I want to add more play to my life. Find new hobbies, and learn new skills. And learn to be more present. I’d like to buy a piano soon and start taking lessons again. I’d like to snowshoe and cross-country ski. If you want some virtual yoga or meditation in your life, check out Cindy Glennon Wellness. 

What about you? What do you do for fun these days? 

What you do for fun? If you’re unsure how to make this happen, schedule some time to chat so we can help you find time to play!

What Is The Ideal Mother?

habits, Help, mindset shift, motivation, Organization, time management

I recently talked about maternal gatekeeping. How, as women, we’re conditioned to believe we’re better at parenting and housekeeping than our partners. How we are the ones who need to control everything, to ensure it’s done right (or done at all). And how we need to stop letting society create these ridiculous standards. 

This conditioning comes from what’s known as the Ideal Mother. This is the idea that a mother knows best. We’re led to believe this from a young age. 

Society conditions men to believe they are the ideal worker and the breadwinner. Jobs are designed around the ideal worker. The person who is always available for their work. They don’t have a life outside of work. It’s expected that there’s someone else (usually a wife), at home making sure the kids are taken care of, the house is cleaned, and dinner is on the table. 

So what happens when the wife works too? Life gets complicated. Women are expected to work like they don’t have a family to take care of and care for their family like they don’t have a job. 

But this isn’t possible and it isn’t fair. And it’s time to break this expectation. 

And it starts with a conversation. 

Yes, this might feel like one more thing you have to do. And it is. But it’s also the only way we’re going to change things. We need to get our partners on board here. And not in a guilt and shame-filled way. But in a way that leads us to be true partners, sharing childcare and household tasks in a way that’s fair to everyone. (that is different from sharing things 50/50). 

woman overwhelmed by too many tasks around the house. the ideal mother maternal gatekeeping

One of the first things to discuss is an acceptable level of cleanliness which Eve Rodksy, in her book Fair Play, labels Minimum Standard of Care. These are the agreed-upon expectations of everything in a house. Who cleans out the cat litter and when does it happen? What about the trash? What about family activities, like soccer, piano lessons, church choir, etc.? How many activities does each family member take on each season? How often do you have family dinners? 

When my kids started elementary school, I decided we were only attending birthday parties with my kids’ friends. Not every birthday party. We were not going to sign up for every activity possible. Each person gets one, maybe two activities per semester. 

Remember, you do not need to spend every day after school driving your kids around to activities. Pick one of their favorites. Carpool. Schedule things so it all happens on one crazy day, where you have take-out for dinner. Or where you can trade off with your partner on who does the driving. Meet a friend for a walk around the park while your kids are at soccer practice. Or spend one-on-one time with one kid while the other(s) are at practice. 

Don’t feel obligated to say yes to everything.

There is no need to wear yourself out. It is ok for kids to be kids. To learn how to entertain themselves. Let them figure it out. 

If you want to talk more about how to incorporate this in your life, and how to let go of all of the tasks, schedule some time with me! Or, sign up for my private podcast for more ideas!

It’s Just Easier If I Do It Myself: Maternal Gatekeeping

motivation, routines, time management

What is maternal gatekeeping and how does it impact you?

How often do you find yourself muttering…it’s just easier if I do it? Then spending the rest of the evening resentful that you did something that you feel you shouldn’t always have to do? 

maternal gatekeeping

What if, instead, there was a conversation about the task and the opportunity for someone else to do it?  Maybe it wouldn’t always be on you. If expectations were set about when and how a task was done (and who was going to complete it), it would happen without you constantly asking. 

It is possible. 

Women are conditioned that we’re the more capable parent. So we take over every aspect of raising kids and taking care of our house. 

This is known as maternal gatekeeping. It impacts relationships with our partners and our kids. It can be unconscious and unintentional. But it’s detrimental. (It can also happen in families where the parents are not together.)

Our society has told us that if a child isn’t thriving, it’s mom’s fault. If the kids aren’t wearing matching clothes or spending all their waking moments at some enrichment program, that they’re never going to get into a good college and will fail at life. 

None of this is true. And we need to stop buying into it. 

My kids have dressed themselves from a young age. They often don’t match. Their clothes are inside out or backward (sometimes both). For me, it’s more important they get themselves dressed and have agency over their own lives. It doesn’t even matter if they’re wearing weather-appropriate clothes. I just want them dressed.

And, there are costs to taking on all the emotional and mental labor of a household.

We’re tired, exhausted, drained, cranky, sleep-deprived. We are not taking care of ourselves so there’s little left to give to others. And we don’t see a way out. 

We still see dads as clueless, almost like another child we have to take care of. But dads are fit to parent. And we need to let them. It might look different than your way, but that’s a good thing. 

So what can we do about it? 

First, we can be aware of when we’re doing it. Are you redoing the dishwasher after someone else has loaded it? Do you passive-aggressively complain about how your husband never empties the trash? Are you grumbling about how you always plan family vacations and never enjoy them because it feels like it’s just as much work as being home? (That last one is me!) 

Then have a conversation with your partner about it. Without blaming or shaming your partner, talk about how you want things to be fairer around the house. Find a couples counselor who can work with you through this. Schedule time with me to talk about it. Read the book by Eve Rodsky called Fair Play. 

Talk about what really matters in your life. What is essential for everyone’s happiness? 

Want to talk about this more? Schedule some time with me!

Or, sign up for my private podcast.

More Thoughts On The Dishes

Help, mindset shift, time management

Ever redo a task that someone else did because you feel it was not done well enough? Maybe it’s the dishwasher, maybe it’s folding laundry, maybe it’s something for work. 

And how often do you complain that others in your house don’t help? Do you spend your time with friends complaining about how you do it all around the house? How your partner just doesn’t see all that you do or even know that you do it?

You feel exhausted, overwhelmed, or tired of it all.

I wonder if we bring some of the chaos on ourselves. 

I wonder if by redoing a task that someone else completed, we take away their power and motivation. Thereby starting a cycle where they stop doing it and we get mad because now they’re not doing it. 

I had a college roommate who would reclean the bathroom after I cleaned it because he didn’t think I did a good enough job. So I stopped cleaning the bathroom. Maybe he got mad and now he thought I was lazy, but I’m not going to do something that someone else is going to redo. It’s not worth my time and effort. 

What if our partners (and maybe even our kids) feel this way? They’re tired of the nagging and having their work redone. Wondering why they even bother if it’s not good enough. 

Last week I talked about how men and women have the same level of messiness. Society conditions women to care more and get to it quicker. So we expect tasks to be completed on our timeline. Not allowing others to have agency. 

I wonder what would happen if we set the expectation of when something needs to be done and let our partners do it on their own time.

It can start with a conversation. With our partners. Our families. A counselor.

Remember that half the population wasn’t raised to see all the work it takes to run a household and raise kids. It’s not that they’re ignoring it, they don’t know it exists. And, as women, when we take it all on, our partners still don’t see it because we’re doing it. 

These changes require patience and time. We’re not going to change these deep-seated tendencies overnight. But we can start. 

Let’s start by making it more visible. Stop doing all the housework after everyone else is in bed. Stop redoing something someone else has already done. Even if you can fit more dishes in the dishwasher or think something should be folded differently, stop yourself. Try celebrating that someone else did it and now you don’t have to. That’s one thing off your plate! 

Folding laundry Arm throwing laundry in to baskets redo a task

My kids don’t fold their clothes. The clothes are sorted by item and shoved in drawers. They know how to fold, but I’m not going to spend a bunch of time folding their clothes or nagging them to do it. We sort them, play a game of basketball as they toss their clothes into the drawers, and call it a day. 

Ask for help and give the other person ownership over the task. They’re not helping you, you’re working as partners. Buy the cards from Fair Play and use them for a discussion about household work. 

We aren’t going to solve this problem with a conversation, but we can start shifting it with a conversation. 

Want to learn more? Sign up for my private podcast.

What To Do About Never Ending Dishes

Help, mindset shift, routines

The dishes. Again. It seems like there are never-ending dishes.

With four people home all the time, we run our dishwasher a lot. There is often a clean load in the dishwasher, with even more dishes sitting on the kitchen counter waiting to be dealt with. 

I realized recently that I had it in my head that my husband expected me to deal with the dishes. Yes, we’re both home all day. But my schedule is more flexible, I’m with the kids more during the day, working while they’re in their remote learning classes. So, of course, why wouldn’t I be the one to deal with all the household tasks too? 

dishes. again. let's change the narratives.

Then I realized how incorrect this thinking is. It wasn’t that he expected me to do it. He wasn’t thinking about it at all. He was focused on work. And he would deal with the dishes later, after work, while he was making dinner. 

I read an article in the Atlantic about how men and women are equally messy. But men don’t notice as much. Women feel pressure to keep their spaces clean, organized, and pretty. Ourselves too. Now, I will leave space here on how we feel more in control of our lives when we’ve cleaned and purged our house. I too clean and organized when stressed out.

Society conditions women from a young age to keep the house and family organized.

We wrap our worth up in it. Women operate on a different time scale than men. So it appears that we take it all on because men won’t. When men haven’t been conditioned to deal with it as quickly as women. 

And the pattern continues. Women take on the tasks because we think men aren’t going to do it, instead of letting them do it on their own time. Then the men just stop doing tasks around the house, because the women do it all anyway. And it continues. 

And our kids see this. They see mom doing all the household chores, organizing schedules, and planning everything. And they grow up thinking that’s how it’s done. 

It’s time to change that narrative. 

I realize I’m asking women to take on one more thing here. I’m also asking women to get their partners in on this. To start having these conversations together. To start shifting the dynamics in your house to more equity. Involve everyone in the household. Down to the youngest child. 

When my kids complain about not wanting to do something around the house, I remind them that we all live here. We all contribute to the household and we all need to work together.

Here are some more thoughts on this topic. And if you want to talk more about this, schedule a free coaching call

Or, sign up for my private podcast.

Who Has The Time To Time Block?

routines, time management

Do you time block? Do you know what that is? Time blocking is assigning a specific time to a specific task. This could work in several ways. 

time block. rock in sand.
  • Processing emails at specific times (30 minutes at lunch and the last 30 minutes of your workday).
  • Scheduling all the calls you need to make for work on Thursday morning. 
  • Blocking time once a week for planning the next few weeks (so important to keep you on top of things!). 
  • Mondays are for marketing, Tuesdays are for staff meetings and open office doors for any staff questions, and Wednesdays are for creative planning, etc. 
  • Scheduling time each week for bigger projects that require focused deep work for several hours.
  • Do laundry or buy groceries on certain days. 

Time blocking ensures you get the big stuff done. It’s scheduling the big rocks and letting all the sand fall around them.

Spend your days focusing on your priorities, not flinging from one task to another. You get ahead of the fires and last-minute urgent tasks.

And when you block the time on your calendar, you’ve made time for those priorities. Your brain can rest because it knows the important tasks are taken care of.

What happens if you’ve blocked your time but a crisis interrupts it? Good question.

If this happens, it helps to have a handle on your tasks and schedule over the next few days or even weeks. Then you know what time blocks to switch around. Take some time to reschedule a few things so you can deal with the interruptions. Do this only after deciding whether the interruption needs to be dealt with immediately or if it can wait.

Read more about where your time goes here. And if you want to talk about how to incorporate time blocking in your days, schedule a call with me.